It’s not often I dish out life advice on this blog, but in one month and 4 days I’ll be 29, which I’ve heard is the official age when you’re supposed to start helping out the young people. Yes?
So today I’m going to talk about what I think all of us can agree is the most important thing in life: being cool!
My advice? Don’t travel.
Yup, I said it. Not that it hasn’t been said before.
When I was little my parents’ friends used to warn them about traveling so much with my sister and me. “You’re depriving them of roots!” they’d call out, slamming their fists down on the dinner table. (I don’t really know if that’s how it went down, but I imagine so).
Fast forward twenty-something years and I’m now in the fourth country I’ve tried to make my home as an adult, casually browsing through apartment listings in Ukraine.
Don’t worry, I’m not leaving Norway – I just like to know my options.
Uh, clearly my parents’ friends were right. Travel messes you up.
But not only that, in the words of Elizabeth K. from my fourth grade class, “it’s really weird that you travel so much.” And later that day: “you’re really weird.”
Fourth grade girls tell it like it is.
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with a bunch of Americans, for the first time in a kind of long time, and I said something that I’m sure I thought was totally cool and hilarious, and one of the girls just turned to me and was like “you say the weirdest things!”
And while on the outside I was all “lol right? I’m so funny” on the inside I was just, wait do I?
And then I thought about all the times my Norwegian friends respond to stuff I say like, what are you even saying, Silvia? and I always think, whoops, I guess I said that wrong in Norwegian – but what if I actually didn’t? Because while I had been blaming my social awkwardness on my awkward Norwegian skills, really we all know it’s just me.
The thing is, I’m not one of those ultra cool and confident people who just does their own thing with no regard to what people around them think. I want to fit in. I try really hard to fit in! In fact I find social situations where all the rules are being broken super painful.
I even hate when embarrassing things happen to people on television – not that I ever see it, as I’ve always buried my head in a blanket trying to block out what’s happening on screen. And, oh my goodness, I am way too shy to ever want to do anything that would draw attention to myself. Ever.
And so this rootless girl has spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out local social norms so as to be, well, normal.
And I think I’ve done a good job of it! Even while living in Japan people would comment on how Japanese I acted – to which I would shake my head and silently giggle behind my hand in my super Japanese way. I don’t think it mattered at all that I was a foot taller than everyone and had a permanent sunburn – when they saw my chopstick skills they would totally think I was an ultra hip and cool local.
But don’t let this fool you. Eventually something always begins to crack. Or rather, someone (me).
I start to lose track of what to do where and where to do what. Is it here that you’re meant to finish all your food, or is this the place where you’re supposed to leave a few bites on your plate? And can I cross my legs, or is this one of those places where women aren’t supposed to – or wait, is it one of the places where you have to??
You know, really important, totally stressful stuff.
What I’m saying is, however hard you try to fit in, if you continue to travel you will eventually lose your cool.
Here are some warning signs:
- Your music taste is a good 8 months old
- You get random cravings for things like bean paste and salty licorice
- All of your “funny” stories begin with “once when I was in -“
- You think it’s normal to strike up conversations with anyone who speaks English
- You think it’s normal to strike up conversations with anyone speaking a language you sort of know
- You think it’s normal to strike up conversations with anyone from a country you once visited
- You think it’s normal to strike up conversations with anyone speaking a language you don’t know at all
- You like to bring your travel pillow with you places, just in case
- You think it’s acceptable to wear the same clothes for three days in a row
- You keep dramamine in your wallet
- Your watch is currently set to Portuguese time, because lazy, but also because denial
Now, this is the point where I’m going to tell you what you should be doing instead of traveling, if you want to be cool.
But I have no idea. Maybe something about avocado toast and a social media diet? Okay, I just got that from the lifestyle section of Bloglovin’. Go read a lifestyle blog.
lamesha says
It’s almost your birthday! Of course when it’s your actual birthday I’ll forget to tell you, so “happy birthday!” because I’m officially old (almost 35). I haven’t been to as many countries as you but I’m probably just as awkward and I’m ruining my kids by moving them all over the place but never taking them to Disneyland. We’re moving back to the states in a year (we live in Sicily right now) and I already know I’m going to freak out over everything and compare all pizzas to the ones I ate in Rome and people will roll their eyes and think I’m a food snob. But keep this in mind: this is your last year of your 20s. your 30s will be super awesome. happy birthday.
Silvia says
Oh nooo you’re not taking them to Disney?! As a kid I think all of my friends had been, yet they would always say my family must be rich for being able to travel abroad. Um, what? So silly.
Bethany Dickey says
Lol I can’t even with how much I related to this…SO agree about striking up a conversation with anyone who speaks a language you kind of know. So normal abroad, and so weird at home.
And the part where you talked about hating when embarrassing things happen to people on TV!Sometimes I feel like that makes me more uncomfortable than when embarrassing things actually happen to ME….I don’t know if you’ve heard of Myers Briggs but it’s a personality thing: I’m an INFJ which apparently means that second-hand embarrassment is the realest thing on the planet.
Silvia says
Whaat no way, I’m an INFJ too! I didn’t know that was a thing with our personality type, but yes it is SUCH a thing with me. haha
Hannah says
I was wondering! Honestly, as I was reading this post, everything you were saying was so relatable (I’m an INFJ too), especially about embarrassment (on TV, in real life, all the time…). I guess this must be an INFJ thing!
Anne Morgan says
I think I do most of those things on your list, but that’s okay. I convinced myself a long time ago that weird is the opposite to boring. And who wants to be boring?
Silvia says
Pretty sure fourth grade me wanted to be boring! Haha but no, I was definitely kidding about the loser part – it’s funny how the idea of “normal” just means less an less.
Steph says
This post cracked me up. Weird is a side effect of awesome!
Also I totally just sang the warning signs list aloud in the style of Songify – Winning.
#epicwinning #sooo2011
Silvia says
Hahaha
Arielle says
I dunno, I often strike up conversations whenever I hear a language I know. People say this makes me friendly and outgoing. I think it’s usually because I’ve been drinking 😉
Silvia says
Hmm sounds pretty uncool to me… haha
Emily says
I’m awkward trying to make friends too and constantly realize that most of my stories begin with, “When we lived in…”Ugh. So trying not to be “that” person, but I AM that person.
Joella Jacobs says
Haha when we moved to California from Beijing I totally forgot it’s not normal to just ask people in Starbucks for their email because they speak English and once went to Yunnan. So embarrassing! Also, I’m so glad I’m not the it one who hates embarrassing things on TV. It’s like, I love Curb Your Enthusiasm but also i can hardly watch because I’m cringing from all the embarrassing stuff happening to Larry David. 🙈
Danny says
Haha. This post is amazing! So, not only do I try to strike up conversations with people from countries I’ve visited, I also end up mixing up language sometimes (German and English) and getting stuck between the two. Yeah, definitely not cool!
Zascha says
I guess I’ve lost my cool 😀 Haha, ah well, doesn’t bother me.
Fenne says
Ooos… my playlist is probably years old, not even months, I’m never sure of social rules so just go my own way and according to my surroundings I say and do weird things. This leaves me with the conclusion that being uncool is the coolest thing in the world as I dare to pack my bags, as I dare to love and as I dare to live for my art.
Angélica Vis says
Haha I love this post! But as a Dutch person I have to say…. nothing wrong with salty licorice!! 😉
Nynke says
Everyone says getting older means worrying less about what other people think, so it’s bound to get better! 🙂
Also, fitting in completely all the time is a bit boring, I think :).
Silvia says
Deeefinitely. It’s crazy to think how much I used to worry about fitting in.
Victoria @The British Berliner says
So funny Silvia!
I lost my “coolness” identy years ago, but I’m confident enough to make my own definition lol. My son however, is shy and introverted, but loves to travel too.
We live in Germany. And now, if he’s talking to other kids and they haven’t been to Egypt, Korea, Denmark, or Wales, he’s like. So over it!
His school English teacher(she’s German!) hasn’t been to Scotland, Ireland, or Canada, and now he can’t even look at her.
Nexr year, we’re going to India..!
Silvia says
Haha yeah, I think “cool” really only has meaning for kids and teenagers. At least that’s how it was for me!
chewy says
I also find social situations where rules are broken to be uncomfortable! I’m not really sure why I’m so averse to it, but I also hate cheating in games. This means I will probably never play card games with South Americans…
Silvia says
Hahaha I cheat SO much at games – my friends always get so annoyed.
chewy says
hahaha, I don’t blame them 😛