This is going to be one of my more random blog posts, but I feel like there’s a little issue here that I have to address. Since moving to Norway this has become a bit more of an expat blog instead of purely about travel, which is something I’m excited about, as it means that I’ll be able to write about places after spending a bit more than like, 48 hours there. But it also means that there’s been this awkward question hanging over all of my recent posts. Um, guys… am I even an expat?
I have Norwegian citizenship, grew up in a culturally Norwegian household, have heard Norwegian spoken since I was a baby (which I’m pretty sure the scientists tell us should mean I’m fluent??), and counting all my long summer holidays in Norway, I’ve already spent years and years in Norway. I moved to a country I already know and love, and aside from my American inclination to speak with too many exclamation points and hug anyone and everyone, I’m pretty sure that my personality is more stereotypically Norwegian than American.
I mean, that sweater dress!
I know, I’m such a fraud!
Except, I think in some ways my Norwegian background is making it harder for me to adjust here than other places I’ve lived. Is that ridiculous? Probably.
The language
If Norwegian were any other language, at this point I would probably consider myself basically fluent. Instead I’m super shy about using it with strangers, and I think Dan might actually use his Norwegian more than me. Why? I think it’s because I feel guilty about not having perfect Norwegian already. I mean, I’ve been spending most of my (2 month +) summers here since I was born. I should be fluent.
So when I do totally fail at communicating in Norwegian and someone switches to English, it’s extra crushing, to the point that sometimes I would rather not even try. Because, you know, if you don’t try you can’t fail! Wait, is that how the saying goes?
The culture
I’m weirdly caught between two cultures. I never particularly enjoyed living in the States, I’m shamefully cynical about American politics, and I always found myself daydreaming about Norway. But in Norway I’ve always been the American cousin, friend from America, American granddaughter – you get the point, here I’m more American than ever. Throughout my 22 years of living in the U.S. I comforted myself about not quite feeling at home there by telling myself that it was because I’m Norwegian! So what happens when I move to Norway and realize that, actually, I don’t fit in anywhere?
Home
This isn’t my first time living abroad, but it does feel very different this time, and not just because I moved to a country a little less foreign to me. I used to live abroad in the “I’m too free and independent to be tied down to one place, I want to see the world and discover new cultures and live and go everywhere!” sort of way. But I never thought that Japan or Thailand or Germany would be my permanent home. I mean, I still tried hard to adapt (maybe too hard in Japan) but there was less pressure because if it didn’t work out, I’d simply move on.
But this time I really do want to stay here forever! Which is a scary feeling for a girl who has always been so happy moving from place to place. And suddenly I get how different moving abroad is for people who move for serious reasons like a permanent job relocation or because they’ve inconveniently fallen in love with someone in a different country. The pressure is on! No more living half immersed in a culture while attending weekly expat bash this country sessions (okay that might be an exaggeration). And eventually it won’t matter if I’m a full expat or half expat or not technically an expat, because that won’t be part of my identity anyway. I’ll just be me, at home.
That or I’ll be living in Belgrade, because that city is still calling my name!
Have you lived abroad? Did you try to put down roots?
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Julie says
My husband feels the same way. He’s an American who grew up in Brazil (with American parents), so he feels really torn between two cultures and identities. When we lived in Brazil he didn’t like to speak Portuguese in public because he felt embarrassed by his “American” accent. I can’t imagine what that would be like! It’s great that you feel like you want to stay there forever. I haven’t reached that point yet, even though I’m still in my home country. I haven’t found the right place to settle forever, yet!
Silvia says
It’s comforting to hear that your husband feels the same way! And yeah, I feel like I definitely want to stay in Norway, but I’m still not sure where in Norway! Hopefully we’ll both figure it out.
Ester says
I am currently living in Brussels as a Dutch national. And although the distance between my new and old country is not enormous, the cultural difference (and language) is. This is the second time I am living abroad and I think I can settle down here. It’s not the most pretty city but it’s interesting and international. Being a foreigner in a country is something that always had my interest. I am somehow excused for many things, because I am not from this country, and at the same time I am interesting for some people, because I am not from this country. I always learned a lot by travelling, but living in a different country made me really wiser.
And about the language: trying to speak it and learning to speak it is already a great effort 🙂 Even if you are not fluent (yet), you need to have patience as well. Spending summers in Norway may help learning the language, but it’s totally different compared to all the people who grew up there and had education for over 10 years in Norwegian. You will manage!
Silvia says
Thanks, Ester, I hope I’ll master Norwegian eventually! I agree that living in a different country is such an interesting experience – and sometimes a bizarre one, haha.
Kaelene @ Unlocking Kiki says
That first picture of you, so cute! I so know what you mean about the language, I feel like I should be much better than I am at Icelandic, which just means I am even more shy about speaking it since I don’t want to make any mistakes. It is kind of a never ending circle with the language for me.
Silvia says
Ahh I’m glad I’m not the only! Though it’s soooo much more impressive that you’re learning Icelandic!
Megan says
i think you put too much pressure on yourself! most people can only identify with one culture but youre fortunate enough to be able to identify with several. there are things i hate about the US, but i still love being american. there are things i hated about living in norway, but i loved having lived there. there are things i hate about germany, but i love my time here too. i lived in germany for six years as a kid and never felt after that that i fit in in the US. at first it was difficult, but i grew to love it and appreciate the unique background- and i still cherish that today 🙂
and stop stressing about the language! youre more american than you think if you are a language perfectionist! i remember in norway someone hearing me speak what i consider ‘shit spanish’. they were like ‘holy crap you speak great spanish!’ and i was humiliated and didnt want to speak it anymore. i think americans are the type that want to play a sport or speak a language only if they are exceptional at it. they will only claim fluency in a language if they speak it 100%. norwegians claim fluency in a language at like 25% and arent ashamed of it. i now feel the same and just speak it no matter how much i chop a language apart. it is the only way to learn and i always realize im better than i give myself credit for.
with that being said, if you ever need a mini-break, youre always welcome to come visit me! im sure you will appreciate that one extra hour of daylight come january haha!
keep your head up and hit me up if you ever need to vent! <3
Silvia says
Haha I’m definitely putting too much pressure on myself here. It’s funny because I definitely used to tell people I was fluent in German, while even at its best it probably wasn’t as good as my Norwegian is now. And in Russia I have zero issue speaking Russian with strangers – I guess the difference is that I know I have to use it, whereas here I feel like I’m inconveniencing people because they could easily switch to perfect English.
I hadn’t realized that Norwegians claim fluency so quickly though! That makes me feel better, haha. And I really love how weirdly our lives our mirroring each others at the moment, and I will absolutely take you up on the daylight offer this winter!
Ola says
I know that feeling! Even though I grew up in Germany and spend most of my life time here I don’t really feel like I belong here…
Regarding the language part, maybe you can find someone you feel comfortable with to practice conversation, when you have a friend (who is really good in Norwegian) and tell her/him that you want to improve your language skills and that the both of you ONLY speak in Norwegian. It can help you to become more comfortable and used to Norwegian and maybe improve your confidence to speak more Norwegian 🙂
Silvia says
That’s really good advice! I don’t know many people here yet, but I think I need to make more of an effort to never switch to English with the few friends I do have here.
Van (@snowintromso) says
I totally get that you’re afraid to speak Norwegian! I’m not at this stage where I understand everything perfectly and even can attend seminars in Norwegian and write my CV and job applications in Norwegian. But still, sometimes, especially when I’m tired or exhausted, I can’t really express myself the way I want to. And it’s worse when I’m out and about. Sometimes in a shop or another public place, I don’t want people to hear that I’m not Norwegian so I speak really quietly so that no one hears my accent and then the boyfriend doesn’t understand me and I get angry with him 😀
It’s ridiculous, I know that! The point is, not everyone actually knows that you’re American-Norwegian so I think most of the pressure is inside your head 😉 I know that feeling! But nobody expects you to be fluent after 2 months of living in the country (not even if your parents spoke the language at home and you spent your summer here). If you want to settle down here, you have soooo much time so relax and don’t stress yourself! It’ll all fall into place eventually 🙂
Silvia says
Haha I like that I’m not the only crazy one! But you’re right – I need to just treat myself like a foreigner and let people be impressed by my Norwegian 🙂 I keep saying that I wish I could just fast forward a year until I’m settled and can speak properly, but I guess life doesn’t work that way, ha.
Audrey says
Great post, it totally captures how I feel about living in France. Although I didn’t speak French before and had never been more moving here last year, I still feel like I’ve try to integrate myself more than the average expat. My French friends tell me all the time they forget that I’m not French. I find this hard to believe, because like you I’m super shy about speaking a foreign language, even though I (and I’m sure you) have a high level.
Silvia says
It’s really interesting how differently people approach expat life. In Japan people would actually complain that I didn’t act “foreign” enough – so bizarre! It’s sound like your definitely integrating well in France though!
Joella says
I really liked this post, Silvia! I can imagine it must be really hard to know how to identify yourself in this situation and I can totally understand the language thing- but I’m sure no one will mind if you make mistakes sometimes..and in that case, you can just tell them you are American (not Norwegian!) and then they will be amazed at how fluent you are. See this confused identity thing could work out well. You can play it up, you can be Norwegian to all the foreigners you meet and American to all the Norwegians. Your head might get confused a bit though. 🙂
My situation is not the same as yours, but now I’m a permanent resident and can live here forever and ever if I want, I’m not sure how to identify myself either! It’s like- am I an expat still because I am not just here as a temporary thing. In 3 years I can get dual citizenship, but even if I get a US passport it’s not like I would actually feel American, I’d always be British! Nationality is a weird thing!
Silvia says
Haha I really should just forget that I’m part Norwegian and play up my American side here! Nationality really is the weirdest, especially these days in this globalized world of ours.
Miriam says
Ih, du taler norsk? Så kan vi jo sagtens snakke sammen på vores modersmål 🙂 In my experience, life changes all the time, and we change with it. A year ago, my highest wish was to move to Thailand and New Zealand, but now I’m happy living in Denmark and traveling part-time. I’ve stopped viewing things as permanent, because I honestly don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow, next year or in 10 years. Living in the now gives a certain kind of freedom. I hope you’ll find that in Norway <3
My cousin, who's half American, half Dane, just moved from the US to Denmark to learn the language and get to know her roots & family. This transition is always difficult because it has to do with ones identity, but I believe it will be good in the long run.
Silvia says
Haha jeg skal forstår hvis du skriver på dansk, men ikke hvis du snakke dansk! Seriously though, it blows my mind that Danish and Norwegian can look so similar written down but sound totally different. I like your approach – I’m definitely putting to much pressure on myself by seeing things as too permanent, when they aren’t really.
Jenia says
For a long time I felt way more Russian than I did American — even if I liked living in the US just fine. Then I went to visit Russia, and was told definitely that my intonation, the way I dress, and more important the way I think are all American. whoops. Most days I am totally ok with my dual identity, and I appreciate both for different reasons, but on some days it can be super hard!
Silvia says
It’s crazy that you can feel one way in one country, but differently in another – I keep thinking, why couldn’t I have felt this American while I was in America? I guess you’re right though, we should just appreciate our dual identities 🙂
becky hutner says
First of all Silvia, I hope you don’t take offense but I have a SNEAKY FEEEEELING you’ll be living in a few other places before truly settling down. Even if you do end up staying in Norway. Am I way off base?
Secondly, you’ve got me thinking about what it means to be an expat. Technically I’ve been an expat all my adult life but it doesn’t really feel that way. Probably because Canada to the US is not nearly the giant leap that say, Canada to Uganda would be. Looking ahead to the UK where I’ll be living in just a few weeks (!), that doesn’t really seem like any bigger of a leap. But I will most definitely be an expat there! I guess my point is (ya, what is your point??), labels like “Expat” are there to make communication easier but in reality, we don’t always fit neatly into the description. And that’s ok! I’d say try not to stress too much about semantics or about how Norwegian or American you are or are supposed to be. You are Silvia and that is enough!!
Silvia says
Haha I wasn’t kidding that I might end up moving to Belgrade – you know me so well! I’m so interested to see how your move to England goes and you’re right, there are so many ways of being an “expat” that that title doesn’t really mean that much anyway.
Kristin @ Camels & Chocolate says
that all makes perfect sense to me! I’m sure you look like you belong there and so people approach you in Norwegian and then feeling like you can’t fully communicate back must be nerve-wracking/stressful! Doesn’t help that Scandinavian languages are so damn difficult! =)
Silvia says
It’s true – maybe the answer is just pulling out my cowboy boots and starting to act way more American, then everyone will be impressed by my Norwegian skills, haha.
Kristin @ Camels & Chocolate says
Now you’re talking! HA.
Edna says
Oh man I totally understand. At least in Norway you probably don’t get racist backlash, or is there anti-Norwegian-American sentiment? It’s tough being an ABC (American-born Chinese) in China…I’ve written about it on my blog but long story short, you’re too Asian to be a “real American” and too foreign to be truly Chinese, oh and what’s wrong with you that you don’t speak Chinese? It’s so mentally exhausting trying to fight off stereotypes and racially profiling from all sides, I can never live in Asia for more than a year or so at a time before I need a break!
Silvia says
My Asian American friends in Japan had the same problem – a Japanese woman even told me that she was freaked out by my friend because she looked Japanese but acted so strangely. This same woman later complained that I don’t act “foreign” enough. Ummm what?? I can definitely imagine that being super exhausting!
Anna says
I’m so relieved to read this blog post! I am half Norwegian and half English, and grew up in Norway until I was 7, then moved to the UK.
During my time in the UK, I’ve become less and less confident with my Norwegian language, and find myself in a very similar position to you when I come to Norway to visit family and friends.
My husband and I hope to move to Norway in a few years, but the language issue really scares me! I always wish I could meet someone in the exact same position as I so we could practice our wobbly Norwegian together!
Food markets, ballet and bread list as some of my favourite things too. Maybe it’s a Norwegian thing?
Silvia says
I hesitated writing this post because I thought “who on earth is going to relate to this?” – but we have such similar stories! I hope that you do get to move here eventually, and that it works out! I love the idea that markets, ballet and bread are a Norwegian think, ha.