Last week I spent a few days in London staying at Dan’s mom’s place, and one evening we went through her old photo albums so I could see the obligatory embarrassing photos of Daniel as a baby. Except Dan was such an angelic looking child that there were no embarrassing shots to be found (says the girl who spent most of her babyhood sporting an alarming orange mohawk).
In fact, the more album pages I flipped through, the more convinced I became that Dan’s childhood was downright perfect, and that life in the mid-80s was far superior to life in the mid-10s. And I’m not just talking about the clothes. As I looked through the photos a single word came to mind: goals. Or rather, #goals.
Except now that I think about it, isn’t that hashtag sort of my whole problem, and the very thing that I was yearning to go back in time to be rid of?
Because while yes, the holidays on the English coast looked dreamy and I really would like some of those sweaters, if I’m being honest with myself what I really was envying was how truly candid these photos were. They hadn’t been carefully set up with the hopes of pleasing hundreds or thousands of Instagram followers, but instead they would probably on ever be seen by, I don’t know, 30 people? Does anyone have just 30 Facebook friends these days?
And here I was, while Dan’s mom complained that the colors on the photos had gone all funny, wondering if I could somehow replicate these feelings of nostalgia by tweaking the coloring on my own pictures. Because duh, of course you can manufacture nostalgia with an Instagram filter.
I guess I’m finding myself agreeing with what my dad said when Instagram first became a thing, “social media is dangerous and we should all hate it.”
Okay, I might be paraphrasing there, but basically his thoughts were that social media has us looking at other people’s lives and wishing that ours were as interesting or pretty. And then we turn around and do the same thing to all our friends, trying to make our lives look as delightful as possible in the hopes of making them think that oh hey, her life is totally #goals too.
And then I start to do things because of what other people will think, not for my own personal experience. And when my camera battery dies then I might as well go home and watch Netflix in my pajamas for the rest of the day, amiright?
I recently spent a week on Malta, and when I went to write about my time there I hesitated.
You see, I didn’t love Malta, but I wasn’t sure I should admit that. Aside from the obvious problem of offending people who love the island, I worried that people wouldn’t want to hear about a trip that was just fine, not omg-something, whether that be amazing or horrible. Plus, if I had raved about Malta I probably could have gotten the Maltese tourism board to share the post and get more views, and people would have thought my life is just totally stellar, right?
Ugh, Internet, stop trying to make me fake my life.
Except it’s not really, is it?
It’s funny how every once in a while I’ll have a little freakout over social media. I’ll suddenly get scared that it’s all fake and senseless and shouldn’t we all be doing something better with our time like saving the world??
But then I’ll make a cup of tea and remind myself that while yes, there are plenty of negative ways social media can be used, none of my friends are trying to make each other feel inadequate, and in fact scrolling through my feeds gives me a lot more feelings of inspiration than envy.
Because hello, goals are a good thing too! And seeing other people do things I thought were scary, go places I hadn’t even heard of before, and be generally awesome people does motivate me.
The problem isn’t with the goals, it’s with the perception that everything has to be goals. Publishing filtered snapshots and 140 character excerpts from our daily lives sometimes can feel like a scramble to make things as engaging, smart or appealing as possible.
But in reality, some of my most enriching life experiences weren’t anything of the kind and probably would have been better characterized by the hashtag #avoid. Like working at a supermarket for a year at the age of 27, living without an indoor toilet, and falling into a prolonged depression that motivated me to see the world.
So while yeah, I’m going to continue to draw inspiration from the people around me and in my phone, and I’m probably not going to complain if someone throws a compliment my way, I’m also going to make a little more room in my life for the uninspiring, mundane, and downright unappealing.
Next up on my Instagram Stories: burying the outhouse poo! Jk guys, there’s no way I’m holding my phone near that stuff.
Cynthia says
Ahhh yes. A question many of us are pondering these days… I feel this! However, I think as long as I’m being true to myself with what I post on social media, I don’t feel negatively affected by it. Being true to yourself is perhaps the most important thing, above all.
Silvia says
Sometimes I think I just get confused about who I really am, haha. No but you’re so right – as long as you feel good about what you’re posting it doesn’t need to get negative.
Ashley says
I really enjoyed this post. Especially this – “Some of my most enriching life experiences weren’t anything of the kind and probably would have been better characterized by the hashtag #avoid.”
I couldn’t agree more. Also I find the things that I most cherish and care about don’t do well on social media – everything has to be big, epic, and perfect, and that’s not always what life’s about.
Silvia says
Exactly! I don’t have any problems with social media (and usually think of it as a really good thing) as long as I’m remembering that it’s not the whole picture – it’s when I start to get too caught up in it that I think it can become dangerous. I just have to keep reminding myself how awesome the imperfect stuff can be too.
Darcy Coulter says
I’ve just taken a break from Instagram for about a month and I feel like I’m in my best mental state I’ve been in for a while. I think I need to work on balance and not “doing it for the gram.” Because I think you’re right, most of my most notable travel experiences come from times when I was lost, or my camera died, or my mom and I got all grumpy in Paris. Not gram-worthy, but real life. Thanks for being #real!
Silvia says
Ugh yeah, “doing it for the gram” can be funny, but sometimes it becomes a little depressing too. It’s crazy how much Instagram can suck you in!
Rachel says
Burying the outhouse poo! Hahaha! I feel like I’ve already sunk to those ‘reality’ depths, almost! Posting Instagram pics of my camper toilet! Lol, I don’t think I inspired anyone that day!
I know that to quite a few people think we are living some kind of envious life, but it doesn’t always feel like that, and it’s certainly not all aurora and adventure. You’ve had the pleasure of experiencing our camper loo, as I have your lovely outhouse! Hand washing my knickers (not Instagramed that, although I have Chris washing his undies!), washing my hair in the tiny kitchen sink, or in a public restroom, going for days without a proper shower, I could go on! The older I’ve gotten, the less goals I have, weirdly enough. I think I’ve realised what makes me happy and what doesn’t.
Silvia says
I think age definitely gives us a healthier perspective! When I think about how concerned I was with what people thought of me as a preteen and then teenager and then now, it’s a huge difference! Thank goodness there was no Instagram when I was a kid, as I’m not sure how well I would have handled it.
Emily says
“Ugh, Internet, stop trying to make me fake my life.” Thank you for this because I can relate so much. I realized that I barely post on Instagram anymore and there are huge gaps in what I share with the world, usually because I don’t share the mundane, only the “hashtaggable.” I want to share the mundane, the boring, the everything things that bring me actual joy, the in-between things. I have to just step away from this pursuit of perfection.
Silvia says
Yeah I think Instagram stories has at least helped a bit with that – people running those really perfect looking accounts can post less than perfect stuff on stories to remind us that they’re like, real humans too, haha. But I’m still way too caught up in only posting my very best photos to Instagram, and I do worry that that’s not always a good thing!
Kate - Travel for Difference says
This is so real! I have no shame in saying that I sometimes do things for my online image, rather than for myself (I think this is very common). But it’s terribly sad that social media has become a place where we compare ourselves to others who appear to have the perfect ‘persona’. I can’t stress enough, especially to younger audiences, that we need to remember social media often only shows positive things. Each online influencers has down days, but they just choose not to show it. Like you said, it’s easy to forget that no life is perfect.
It’s definitely time that people do things online exactly how they please, rather than trying to be #Goals. Great post! X
Silvia says
Yeah, it’s really tough because I think positivity usually is a really good thing, but then when you start to give people the impression that your life is perfect then it can become quite dangerous. Plus it’s exhausting trying to be #goals, haha.
Allison says
I feel this too! I actually even use a plug-in to disable my Facebook newsfeed because I got so sick of feeling the need to compare myself with my friends when we’re all just glossing over the negatives. I definitely agree with Darcy’s sentiments on taking a break from Facebook or Instagram – it had a huge impact on my perspective and mental state as well!
Silvia says
Oh interesting! I took a break from blogging and social media (sort of) while in Mallorca and it really did work wonders to restore my perspective – I should probably try to take breaks more often!
Nynke says
I had to google #goals to check that I had understood it correctly (I’m in my late 30s and only on the low-hashtag medium that is Facebook), but this makes so much sense! It also resonates with what I was thinking when I read your post about not loving Malta – that there really is no need to need/obligation to love every destination you visit! I have to say I really admire how positive you generally are and how you find worth, adventure and interesting aspects in so many different places – you’re very open to new places and experiences, I think, and you open them up to armchair travelers and more cautious people like me. But nobody loves everything and everywhere, and I’m glad you’re open about the things you don’t love, too!
Also, there’s a chance that if you’d lived in Dan’s baby time now and gone to Malta, you might have loved it simply because it was your one vacation to the mediterranean in several years, and the weather was just so balmy… But you have so much material for comparison, some places have to come out below average, right?
Nynke says
Oh, and my sympathies on having to clean out the outhouse – I’d never even given that any thought!
Silvia says
That’s really true! Sometimes I worry that I don’t appreciate places enough because I end up comparing them to other places I’ve visited – or simply because I get to travel so much that I forget how lucky I am to be traveling in the first place. It’s a big reason that I hesitate to be anything but positive about a place, but then on the other hand I definitely don’t want to give the impression that all of my travels are amazing and perfect, because that’s not the case at all. It’s a tricky balance sometimes to be appreciative but also not paint an all too rosy picture of travel.
Anshula says
I love this article and can relate to it so much. I feel like Instagram is such a carefully curated version of ourselves that we create this idea of perfect without even thinking. I agree that sometimes the best experiences are the rawest and could be better classified as #avoid. “Ugh, Internet, stop trying to make me fake my life” is the best description of social media that I have seen so far.
Silvia says
It really is crazy how some of it happens without our even realizing. I guess just being aware of it is helpful.
Justine says
I think we should make #avoid a thing. Oh wait, you totally just did.
Silvia says
Haha I would love scrolling through that hashtag!
Jessica C says
I love reading your thoughts on this. You are totally right. We need to live our lives without thinking about how it will show up on social media. Happiness is in moments…moments that can be missed if we are too focused on that perfect photo. It’s definitely giving me something to think about!
Silvia says
Yeah it’s a hard balance, since I think those beautiful photos can be inspiring as well – we just have to remember that they’re not everything I guess.