For the past few minutes I’ve been sitting frozen with my fingers on my keyboard trying to think of a way to start a post where I’m basically going to say that I hated my time living in Japan. Whoops, spoiler, I guess now you guys don’t need to bother reading more (which might be a good thing, since this post is long).
Though before I start I also want to say that while my time living in Japan was difficult, I think it’s a wonderful country to visit! If you’re wondering where to start, you can read my one week Japan itinerary here.
My family moved to Japan for a year when I was six and I LOVED it. Considering the country’s obsession with all things cute – it’s a place where bank cards are covered in Moomin cartoons and grown women try to look like little girls – of course Japan would be a dream world for a six-year-old girl.
When I ended up moving to Japan again at 22, I quickly fell in love all over. Not only was I excited to live and work in Japan, I had received maybe the coolest placement on the JET Program: I was living on Tanegashima, a tiny island south of Kyushu, the southernmost of Japan’s main islands.
Tanegashima is home to the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen, and as most of the islanders have no interest in swimming, the only people I would ever see on them were the few surfers who had moved down to Tanegashima to chase what they told me were the best waves in the country.
Also, there is a space station on the island, meaning that every few months I got to see a rocket launch!
But the best part? I was teaching at three high schools, and one of them wasn’t on Tanegashima. For a few days each month I would take a ferry to the neighboring island of Yakushima, a UNESCO World Heritage Site that is home to Princess Monoke and a 7,000-year-old cedar tree.
There my school would put me up in a cozy mountain lodge and give me some extra money for the inconvenience. Because, you know, spending a few days a month at a monkey-inhabited mountain paradise was SUPER inconvenient.
Paradise.
But the other teachers I was working with didn’t agree. When I asked them if they enjoyed life on Tanegashima, they all responded by telling me how many years of “island duty” they had left. High school teachers in the prefecture had to change schools every few years, and at least once in their careers they would have to spend 3-5 years on one of Kagoshima’s islands.
It was a shame, because Tanegashima deserved to be loved.
Of course that’s not to say life there was easy. Being the only blonde woman on the island and about a foot taller than most locals, I didn’t exactly fit in. People seemed to be constantly watching me (or I was constantly paranoid) and it became normal for me to meet someone for the first time and have them tell me that they had recently seen me in the supermarket. And then they would proceed to list everything that had been in my shopping basket, often commenting on my eating habits.
Tanegashima is also incredibly conservative compared to the rest of Japan. Very few of the teachers I worked with gave their students any room for creative thinking, always stressing the importance of social harmony above all else. It was great for those who fit in, but the students who didn’t really struggled.
When gay comedians came on television, people would laugh and say that obviously it was all an act, and a Japanese friend on Yakushima told me that she had once asked her doctor for birth control and, very begrudgingly, he prescribed her one week’s worth of the pill (instead, abortions are very common).
When it came time to renew my contract in February I decided to stay, partly because the job paid well and the cost of living in Japan (or at least on Tanegashima) was quite low, but mostly because I felt like I needed more time to find my feet in Japan.
And then the tsunami hit.
Tanegashima was far south enough that we had several hours warning, and in the end the wave had lost its force by the time it arrived. In southern Japan, the tsunami wasn’t a big deal at all.
Except it was a huge deal.
This was when I finally felt the full brunt of being an outsider in Japan. No one wanted to talk about the tsunami with me, and whenever I brought it up they would once again ask me to tell everyone in America that I was fine and the nuclear problems were not as big of a deal as Western media was making them out to be. I did admire how instead of falling into hysterics and making the disaster all about them, my colleagues simply worked harder.
This wasn’t my first experience with a natural disaster in Japan.
My family had been living outside of Kobe during the Great Hanshin earthquake in 1995. I have vague memories of some of our neighbors stumbling out of their homes covered in blood and my father going to help dig out bodies, but most of my memories of the earthquake were actually really pleasant. Everyone kept giving me candy and my teacher called to tell me that all of my classmates had survived, and in the shelter people kept piling my family’s mats with extra blankets and snacks. Fun times!
But this time I could. Not. Stop. Crying. I kept having dreams about earthquakes, probably mixing childhood memories with fantasy, and a once beautiful drive along the ocean to one of my schools became hell.
I know, I’m such a baby.
Thinking about the tsunami somehow made me feel even more alone on the tiny island, and instead of feeling closer to the other people there I felt shut out.
My second year in Japan was better. I could communicate more easily in Japanese and made some real friends, particularly a new English teacher who was my age and also a dancer. Miyuki’s mother is from the Philippines, so she always managed to laugh at Japanese life on Tanegashima, and at the end of the year we performed a belly dance routine at a local festival that I’m sure scandalized half the island.
When people now ask me how I liked life in Japan, or if I would recommend teaching English in Japan, I’m never sure what to say. Thankfully I didn’t quite see it at the time, but after moving to Thailand I realized how depressed and simply not myself I had been for a lot of my time in Japan. But I also have friends who taught in Japan and absolutely loved it!
I think part of the problem was living on Tanegashima and working with teachers who didn’t want to be there. I also tried too hard to fit in and act Japanese, which always left me frustrated when I failed.
The foreigners I knew who most loved Japan either had studied Japanese for years and could communicate fluently – they usually came with the intent of staying in Japan forever – or they barely spoke any Japanese and were happy staying the fascinating foreigner, ignoring the locals’ pained expressions when they broke one of Japan’s endless rules of social etiquette.
I wish I had done the latter. I ended up understanding much more Japanese than I could speak, but many Japanese refuse to believe that foreigners can learn their language (even their English textbooks placed a huge emphasis on the uniqueness of Japanese culture), so people always seemed comfortable talking about me in front of me, assuming I couldn’t understand them (even when I would respond to what they were saying).
It made for a lot of awkward situations, and continued confirmations that everyone thought I was basically a different species. It would have been much better if I hadn’t understood them.
Is anyone still reading this? Probably only my mother (thanks, Mamma, hope you have fun in Boston this weekend!).
I guess I could have summed up this entire post simply by saying “my feelings about Japan are complicated.” There’s so much I do love about Japanese people, the beautiful islands, language and intricate culture, and I always am super excited to meet Japanese people on my travels, but I also have so many negative emotions surrounding my time there and after teaching Japanese students I worry that many Japanese (at least in conservative areas) are too weighed down by the pressures of maintaining social harmony to have a real chance at finding happiness.
On the bright side, my two years in Japan gave me the means to travel for the past two and a half years. I left Japan with a lot of savings, and because my time earning that money was difficult, I’ve focused on only spending that money on things that will truly make me happy. If I hadn’t gone to Japan I would not be where I am today, living a life that I love immensely.
Ashley of Ashley Abroad says
Absolutely loved this post, Silvia. I can relate because I had a very complicated relationship with Argentina, where I studied for a semester. And one people say, “Oh my god, you must’ve loved Buenos Aires” I just nod and smile because it’s too complicated to really explain how many things I felt about that country.
Seriously though, that island looks beautiful!
Silvia says
Yup, I definitely practice the “nod and smile” response when questioned about Japan. At least I can honestly answer that my islands there were seriously gorgeous!
Sean says
Every experience is different, and I’m glad you were honest about yours. It’s a lot better than everyone being fascinated with a culture, only to find out there are problems with that culture as well, and hidden prejudices to boot. I still love Japanese culture, and hope to visit one day; however, posts like these help me see that there are things I’d probably like to avoid. Also, I’ll be sure to be true to myself, and if they have a prejudice, I’ll probably decide to pull what my mother does, and not give a flying… lol
christine says
Hi I lived in Japan for 2 years. 1 year in “inaka” middle of nowhere and 1 year in the city. I was lucky that I had a strong Jet program support group of foreigners that I would drive to see 2 hours on the weekends the first year. But then the small town I lived in was apparently secretly mad about that, I later found out. I was much happier the second year as I could speak well enough to get along and taught an ekawai adult class so I was closer to my foreign friends and made friends with a fun mix of japanese adults in my class, all ages. I agree you still stand out as a foreigner, sometimes like a rockstar others like a freak lol. Funnily enough my friends and I would speak English in front of people thinking they couldn’t understand us and accidentally insulted a Japanese american once. So that’s just a cultural thing. For me the really tough thing about living there was the lack of directness. Like I mentioned earlier, being mad at you and not telling you. The fact that they would tell you “yes you can take a day off” and smile but really mean no! It took me at least a year to be able to read between the lines and not accidentally offend people. Though to me I thought … they know I’m foreign and don’t speak the language so why are they offended? How would they expect me to know that it was rude to leave a store and not buy anything and not say “matakimas”? But mabye all cultures are like that? Either way I have mixed emotions too. Best of times, worst of times. 🙂
Nicole says
Hi Silvia,
I happened upon your post because I just arrived to teach in Japan and was googling bento boxes 😆. I wasnt sure if I wanted to hear negative but I decided to read anyway. I studied abroad in Nagasaki in 2016 and we were actually taught a lot of this stuff in class which having those expectations were helpful. Anyway, it seemed like your placement was so awesome and unique, but also that might be why you had that experience. I actually taught in northern Thailand in a small town and really did not have a good experience and did not renew my contract.
I was reading comments and talking about the nodding when people ask about your time. Before becoming to Japan I lived in Iceland for 2 years and it I really tried to like it and I just did not at all, and so many weird experiences (crime, drug, mafia, etc.,related which was really unexpected). I worked at a restaurant and customers were so in love with Icleand and the capital city and would ask for recommendations and state how I must love it here, etc., and I really did not want to painted a negative image so I’d jsut kind if nod and not say much, unless asked about culture shock which I’d tell them was sketchy stuff becasue I dont want to tarnish someone’s perception of Iceland and would only tell my experience once they wanted to hear more.
Anyway, I guess I got off topic but just reading your post here about Japan really reminded me of my time in Iceland (I was a grad student there) and I think all of this really applies to any country as everyone has different experiences and are looking for different t things when they decide to move to a different country and it really depends on the people you meet and connections you make!
I am not sure if you are still in Thailand as this post is old, but I hope you are enjoying it! I sometimes still miss it there but I was not happy there, but sometimes I still think about how my experience would change if I decided to go back. I miss the markets and driving my moped through the rice fields in the mountains.
Sorry again about this long post. I just saw the other comment about how the poster felt about their time in Argentina, so I wanted to share mine. I’ll check out the rest of blog to see if you have any other travel posts. This is the first one I read.
Ashley says
Thanks for sharing your honest opinions! I can completely understand why you were feeling depressed- that sounds like such a stressful and frustrating environment to be living in. Good for you for sticking it out- I don’t think I would have lasted as long as you did. I wonder how different your experience would have been if you lived in a city instead?
Those beaches are stunning and I never would have guessed those photos were taken in Japan!
Silvia says
I think my experience would have been worlds different if I had been living in a city. I have a few friends who were living in nearby cities on the mainland, and most of them loved their time in Japan!
Phil says
Nope. Your experience would have been nearly identical in the city. Japanese people never accept you, and they never consider any of your foreign ideas or habits legitimate.
Julia says
I think this depends. You’re right that a lot of Japanese people are like that, perhaps more so than people in other countries (although some European countries can be very traditional and closed-off as well, not too sure about the US), but I’ve been here on and off for a few years now, married to a Japanese man, and his family has been extremely accepting of me, and around half of my closest friends are Japanese who sometimes forget they’re even talking to a foreigner. Granted, the fact that these people are around me means they’re already more open-minded than others, and many of them have spent some time abroad, but not at did. (I’m also loath to say that only Japanese people influenced by other cultures can be open, considering some other cultures can be really racist to outsiders.)
I do agree that to the average person you meet in your daily life, you are just some idiot foreigner who probably can’t speak Japanese – part of that is, as mentioned above, their belief that Japanese people speak Japanese (and can’t learn English, just as gaijin can’t learn Japanese), but I wonder if part isn’t also those foreigners who actually do come here and don’t even try to adapt. Everyone is always super surprised when I speak Japanese (I’ve been doing it for a long time now and my accent is pretty good), which I admit can get annoying.
I think this paragraph is pretty interesting:
“The foreigners I knew who most loved Japan either had studied Japanese for years and could communicate fluently – they usually came with the intent of staying in Japan forever – or they barely spoke any Japanese and were happy staying the fascinating foreigner, ignoring the locals’ pained expressions when they broke one of Japan’s endless rules of social etiquette.”
I should be in the first category, but the longer I stay here, and the longer I search for a job without any success (I’m not a native speaker of English, which makes this even harder), and every time an old guy at an interview asks me about my marriage and my age, which a lot of Western countries are thankfully getting rid of – although of course gender equality still has a long way to go in most countries – I wonder what I’m doing here. People say “your Japanese is so good, were you born here? Are you a haafu?” (And I think a lot of that isn’t necessarily because I’m really so good, but because as mentioned above, no non-Japanese person could learn Japanese, obviously.) And it seems like no matter how hard I try, to the people who make important decisions, and who are not as welcoming as my friends, I’ll always be a troublesome foreigner. I understand that many people feel that way even in their own countries (my US-born, Japanese-looking friends tell me they always get asked where they’re “really” from in their freaking home countries), I do think that if I had a choice, I probably wouldn’t be here, even though I love how safe and clean and polite Japan is.
kytriya says
Thanks for writing! I enjoyed the article immensely!
Two ideas for Julia (sorry this is a bit late). The latter idea I think would be easier and more fruitful.
1. Take the JLPT and pass the N1 level! Go to Japanize University and get a Japanese degree. Learn Japanese so well, that you are very well versed in University level Japanese – Business, Programming, the likes. Then, go try and get a job, showing them the degree in Japanese. Of course, there is the “over qualified” problem. However, if you can get so good that you can write math textbooks, you might be able to write Algebra and Pre-calculus drill books.
2. Or, if you can get really good at Japanese grammar, an easier way to get a job is to simply create your own. Teach yourself programming and then create way better Japanese learning material then the cut and dry stuff that I love, but many people do not love. I love working Daiso Kanji books even though my Japanese is Hiragana, learning Katakana and know the numbers in Kanji. Or, traveling around Japan, explaining Japan to foreigners people love! Toss the videos up on Daily motion and also on youtube and monetize. This would even be easier than teaching Japanese. Personally, I would have a channel about Japanese cooking, another one about traveling Japan, another one teaching Japanese language and one teaching english for Japanese.
I used to talk with a foreigner in Japan who was fired for volunteering at a soup kitchen in Japan! He used to be a teacher! Apparently, it is a cultural faux pax to need a soup kitchen because your boss sold the company underneath you to a foreigner who then put the whole business overseas. Its somehow the fault of the employee, but never the employer who was paid off in billions of Yen, Euro, pounds or dollars! And, so these people have to use the soup kitchen, because they are unemployed and can’t get work. “Tainted people”. Then, others, seeing how volunteering in their country is seen as good (and not evil against the “common good for all”) is then fired! I have a love hate-hate-hate relationship with Japan. I love the language, but hate how evil they can be towards victims. I hate how they treat women badly (although those who are 35 and younger do have quite a few of their members rebeling quietly against the status quo, and not on board the traditional way of treating women.)
It used to the norm for the wife to sleep in the bedroom with the children until they reached age 5, and then the wife would put her bed in the living room. This was where space was had. Where they didn’t have space, often times the children slept in the same bedroom as their parents as there was only one bedroom.
OTOH, low crime is wonderful!
signed a brain damaged individual using Kanji to see if I can get my brain to stop overwriting data I want to always recall and remember.
Best Wishes!
Jon says
Really don’t agree with Phil. I’ve been here going on 6 years. They will always at first, if they don’t know you, think you can’t speak and have difficulty with you. But, many of the mainland areas and larger cities are very accepting of foreigners. I’ve been to every prefecture and it really depends heavily on where you are.
Tokyo is a cold place where you aren’t going to enjoy living most of the time. But, they aren’t just cold to you as a foreigner. They are cold to everyone. They warm up when drinking or in private. They will accept you just fine. Have a lot of close friends in Tokyo.
Osaka is very warm hearted as a location. They not only accept you, as long as you aren’t a different kind of asina…., but approach you first and want to be around you. They sometimes forget you can talk but if you learn Kansai-ben you might as well be from Osaka. YOU ARE OSAKAN. I have a lot of close friends here.
Kyoto is the coldest and i dont in general enjoy people from here.
The further you get from main cities the more mixed reactions you are going to get. The less contact theyve had with foreigners the more trouble they will have with you. Kyuushuu is full of warm great people. I had tons of people talk to me, give me food, take pictures with me, just be great in general. BUT. The majority of them haven’t had a lot of experience with foreigners. I find country folk very very nice but also the ones that commit the most micro-agressions and the ones that assume you dont understand them the most. Niigata was a bad experience all around. I argued with police there who were just being straight up racist. (But, hey, at least they argued with me in Japnaese).
The young generation especially though… is becoming very accepting of foreigners (Theyve had the most exposure to us and that makes perfect sense).
Oh, just to let you know. That talking in front of you thing is SOMETIMES because they don’t think you can speak their language. I get asked isn’t Japanese SOOOO hard? All the time. I confirm that Kanji is a real pain but Japanese grammar is actually like a million times easier than English. I have a masters degree in English and really respect how jumbled a language it is.
But, speaking in front of you to others is actually a huge part of the culture. It’s a non-agressive way to tell you what they really think about you without directly confronting you about it. ITs a way to give compliments and complaints with less awkwardness. I did my undergrad here and students do that to each other ALL the time. Guys will tell you when the other guy is near by how much they like that guy and his good points because its less embarassing. Its just a communication technique in a culture that really abhors direct confrontation.
They probably considered a lot of what they were saying about you as compliments. (But not all for sure).
Phil says
I’ve lived here over a decade and still stand by my previous statement. If you think you are accepted and equal, you are wrong.
Sarah says
This Phil guy sounds sad, lol. Soo cynical and edgy.
Gian says
Unfortunately I think that Phil is right.
My mother is Japanese, I lived in Japan a big chunk of my life, I’m a bi-lingual, and I was treated — I would almost say accepted — very nicely 90% of the time, but in the end, sadly, you are never truly accepted.
Michael says
You are 100% correct. I’m half Japanese, half Caucasian. It’s as shitty as it gets. I get it from both sides. Couldn’t get an English teaching job even though I possess a BA in electrical engineering. Either black or Caucasian is accepted as they are characters in a English teaching manual for grade school children.
Steve says
Absolutely agree they will never accept us and simply do not want us to stay here and even I have been in Japan 12 years I figured that out in the first 12 weeks seems some people are oblivious to this fact
Geraldo says
I have the same opinion as Ashley and I also don´t have patience for shit chat.
“I saw you at the supermarket. Let me talk about your eating habits”
Really? That is what you talk about? I prefer read a book or play games. Zero patience for this kind of talk.
Rafael says
That’s not an exclusive behavior of japanese culture. If you ask asian immigrants living in America, you could realize that they hear the same thing all the time.
I am brazilian, my grandparents are japanese, my mother language is portuguese, i’ve never been in japan, and even can’t speak japanese, and I couldn’t act like them. Even though, i hear people treating me like a foreigner frequently, just because of my face.
They ask me about japanese food all the time, but I actually eat quite the same of everybody. They ask me to say something in chinese or japanese, but I only know food names. They treat me like i was an E.T. sometimes, but Brazil have always been my country.
If my grandparents were from Europe, or from western asia, nobody would’ve noticed or found strange. I’ve already heard people saying that I should go back to my country, but my only one is Brazil, where I was born and lived all my life. I could’t fit in japanese society. My sister has tried and couldn’t.
So, that kind of talks are made from prejudice and sometimes curiosity about someone apparently different. If its not openly offensive, maybe, we just must have patience and move on.
Ester says
What a brave personal post and a nicely written story.
I visited Japan in April/May last week and for the first time while visiting a country I was wondering if I could live there. I loved Japan a lot – the friendly people, the delicious food, the nature… – but I realised as well that the culture and social etiquette is totally different than mine. I have friends living in Japan and totally fitting in, and a good friend of me married a Japanese girl this year (they live in the Netherlands at the moment), but I have my doubts. I would not say that I could never live there, but it made me wonder.
I cannot compare my experience with yours of course, since I have mainly visited big cities and I was there only for three weeks. Even though you did not have a good time in Japan, I hope you indeed take this as an experience which can only help you finding your own way in life.
Alfredo says
The Japanese r a bunch of racist and xenophobic people that never evolved past their previous prejudices. They remind me of the Saudis in the Middle East who believe they are also the master race of all the people in that region of the world.
When I lived there, I’d get mad about but later I just learned to feel sorry for them. They have been brought up from childhood to be robots and most know nothing more than that. Like breaking a horse or a wild animal; eventually the animal stops trying to escape.
I have more respect for Japanese subgroups and ronins “Japanese without a master” than all the hamsters running on their little wheels as their lives pass away.
Try explaining to Japanese that you are a vegan and don’t kill animals for sustenance is as fun as watching paint dry.
They hypocrisy makes me laugh! How can you be a vegan, this is not healthy while they puff away a cancer stick. 😂
I rather live in the Amsterdam or in Vancouver ; the people there to so much better than anywhere else. The Japanese have a very long way to go b4 they can consider themselves the master race of anything.
Eduardo says
I always tell people who say theyre jealous of my having lived in Japan that its a beautiful country to visit but a hard one to live in. If they ask why I give the list of high prices, shitty weather with stone-age heating and cooling, all the mandatory things you have to do because of “culture,” being treated like an alien, etc., but then the conversations gotten too real, man…
Silvia says
Ugh yeah, I had nearly forgotten about the stone-age heating (or more like blocked it out). So many expats seemed to love Kagoshima though, so it’s reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one who had issues with living there!
David says
Silvia,
I read every word and really enjoyed this article. You are such a brave and spirited person. I am traveling vicariously thru your travels blogs.
Thanks!
Dave
Silvia says
Thanks, Dave, I’m impressed you made it through all of it!
Alana - Paper Planes says
First of all, I really enjoyed your photos…I’ve never been to Japan and when I think of it, those are not the images that come to mind. Second of all, I totally know what you mean about being an outsider and wondering if your situation would be easier if you either understood a lot more, or understood a lot less…at times in Thailand I got to that point too where I knew and understood enough that was going on around me to make me feel paranoid about how I appeared or acted and what I did or said – it’s a really strange spot to be in!
Silvia says
Tanegashima was really unique to the rest of Japan, so I’m at least grateful to have experienced it! And ugh, being in the paranoid stage is the worst – Thailand has helped me get over that a bit, but only because my Thai is atrocious!
Joella in Beijing says
I was definitely still reading!! Such an interesting post and thank you so much for sharing. I can relate to that Inbetween feeling where you have more of an understanding of language and culture to be in the foreigner bubble, but you will never, ever be able to fit in! I’ve actually heard it’s even harder to be accepted in Japan that other Asian counties (recently read an article by a women who got turned away from a McDonald’s in Japan because she wasn’t Japanese! From McDonald’s!) and I imagine small island life must be very, very different to city life. The Tsunami warnings must have been so upsetting. I’m like you- I need to talk things through a lot afterwards and would have found it really hard with people not wanting to. But I’m glad you did enjoy some of your time there and you have some beautiful photos 🙂
Silvia says
It’s funny how you can tell yourself that you’ll never fit in, but still continue to try so hard to! It’s bizarre how closed off Japan is – when I went on holiday in China I remember feeling like everything was sooo relaxed in comparison, but then when I visited again after living in Thailand China felt more normal.
Pedro says
Such an interesting post. Thanks for that!
I am one of those persons who has always dreamed about living in Japan. I have lived in Thailand, China and Vietnam, but I would really want to live a year or two in Japan. I have visited the country a few times (and loved it), but I have always felt that to really get in and understand the culture you would have to live there. Now I understand that it is definitely not that simple. I actually now realize that I might be quite disappointed. However I also feel that now having lived several years abroad in foreign cultures makes me much better equipped to live in Japan versus for example 10 years ago as a young guy.
And the thing what you say about people who love Japan (either true Japan enthusiasts with fluency in the language or the ignorant way) makes so much sense. I would most likely fell in the middle also.
Again thanks for the post. So insightful, smart and eyeopening!
P.S you know that the Moomins are from Finland? (yes Japanese are as crazy about those as us Finns)
Silvia says
Yes! I was a fan of Moomins even before Japan 🙂 As far as living there goes, I have friends who absolutely loved it, so you could also have a great experience there. I think my being so self-conscious and socially sensitive affected my time there, but I probably also would done much better if I had been placed in one of the large cities instead.
Charlie says
A very brave post to write and I’m glad that you decided to share. I can relate exactly to your experience of being neither fluent in Japanese nor a totally oblivious foreigner. I had the same thing in Taiwan. Certainly the people I know who stayed were the ones determined to perfect their Chinese in the long-term, or were just busy being oblivious, making $$$ and having a good time. I’m not criticising them – I admire that they are able to make it work and envious that I hadn’t been able to shurg looks and comments of as easily (I lived in a small town, not quite like a small island but nonetheless similar characteristics).
Also, distressing but interesting stories about the earthquakes and the way the people reacted there. Gosh.
Silvia says
It’s so comforting to see that other expats have had similar experiences! It’s also nice to see that it’s not just about Japan, but being a foreigner in general. Like you said, I think being in a small town definitely can make things harder.
Richelle @Adventures Around Asia says
I totally get this. I taught English in the Chinese countryside last year and it was hard being the only foreigner. About halfway through the year a lot of my fellow teachers just stopped hanging out with me. It was like I was an inconvenience. I speak Mandarin, but a lot of the teachers speak the local dialect as a first language, so we would hang out together and they’d all be speaking the local dialect rather than Mandarin, which I could understand! It was so incredibly rude I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Silvia says
Oh wow, that sounds rough! The teachers speaking dialect would have made me so mad – I was often surprised how little regard locals would show me. Then again I guess we’re the foreigners, so they don’t have to adjust for us? I don’t know.
Martina Donkers says
Hey Silvia
Thanks so much for sharing. I really get what you mean. I’ve lived overseas twice, as an exchange studentin Germany and now as an international aid worker in Fiji, and I have really mixed experiences. I think it’s going to take me a while after I get home to really sort out how I feel about Fiji.
When I got home from Germany, people would ask me with big smiles, how was it?? And I’d respond as they expected, it was great! But truthfully it wasn’t. My host family were mean and I didn’t make many friends. I had some great experiences, but not overall. And it took me a long time to admit that to myself.
It’s interesting that you say the Japanese focus a lot on what makes them unique. It fits in with other things I’ve heard about Japan. I don’t think I could live there…
It sounds like after the tsunami you really needed some support, and although I don’t know anything about the specific program you were under, they should have given you something! Telephone counselling or something can make a really big difference in how you cope in a stressful situation in a foreign place.
I’m so glad the experience inspired you to travel though, because now I get to read about a your amazing adventures!
Martina
Silvia says
I spent my last year of high school in Germany and also had a bit of a strange experience. I made some great friends, but my host parents were crazy! It’s funny that you mention telephone counseling because actually in my second year on the JET program I was a telephone counselor! I guess at the time I just didn’t realize how much I could use some counseling myself, ha.
kami says
excellent post! I think part of your bad experience was a terrible timing with tsunami. But also I can totally see why it was so difficult for you, when people around you are miserable you become not happy too, even when the place is so stunning (seriously, I’d never say these pics come from Japan!) I know it’s probably a bad example but I experienced something similar with Warsaw – at first I hated it but when I moved to another district I just went crazy for it and my love gets bigger and bigger! And I think it’s similar with people that surround you. As for the different culture – I was for 2 weeks in China and I hated it because it was just so damn hard and I simply couldn’t understand the people and their behavior. But also I loved it and I’d go back if I can! We cannot live in all the places and Japan just wasn’t the right fit for you I guess 🙂
Silvia says
Yeah, I think Japan might just not be for me. Or at least the countryside in Japan isn’t! I would love to go back to visit and sort of “settle” my issues with the country though, because now my emotions around it are so negative.
Marie @ Marie Away says
I have to also say that I think this is a great post. It sounds like you had a pretty intense experience in Japan, and I can understand why that would put you off. It’s a great thing that you found happiness in Thailand. Thank you for sharing this. It’ls nice to get this unique and honest perspective.
Silvia says
Haha yes, everything in Japan just got too tense! But you’re right, now I’m happy and should just appreciate that 🙂
Miriam of Adventurous Miriam says
Silvia, I can only imagine that living in another country is challenging when it comes to culture and especially when a natural disaster occurs and they act like it’s no big deal. I experienced something similar in Thailand when I found out that a British girl had be raped and murdered a few weeks earlier on the beach I was staying. Locals tried to cover it up as it was bad for business if tourists knew about it. Some cultural differences can be hard to understand.
Silvia says
Oh wow, it’s so sad when local economies depend so much on tourism that they need to cover up things like that. I definitely would have been pretty upset as well!
Rebekah says
This was such a great post, people like to romaticize lving abroad, and I do think its amazing but there are definitely hard parts to it.Living in a strange limbo of loving a place and not belonging is very draining. I think your reaction to the tsunami is really normal, that was a devastating event and not having people talk to you about it or be able to process it probably made it even harder.
Silvia says
That limbo is definitely a tough one! Some days I would be driving along the beach and just SO in love with Tanegashima, and others I hated it more than any place ever, haha.
Sebastiaan says
Hi Silvia,
Great article. I remember you telling me a little bit about this back in Penang, but it’s nice to finally read the full story. Not to mention the beautiful pictures!
Keep living that life you love (and feel free to share it all in your blog!). I enjoy reading every article, and it has given me a few destinations to keep in mind for my upcoming travels.
Sebastiaan
Silvia says
Ha I had forgotten about telling you guys about Japan! Well, now you know the truth. And it’s so nice to hear from you, and that you’ve been enjoying my blog!
Syed says
I loved reading the article. On the positive side you’re a dual national of two of the world’s best countries for travel meaning you can travel, live and work wherever you want without any visa restrictions. In case of a lot of countries especially Middle East, people cant travel and work as freely as you can because even if they have the money and resources the visa restrictions make it a lot tougher.
Silvia says
You’re so right: I’m incredibly lucky to have the citizenship that I do! Really I have nothing to complain about.
Franca says
I like and respect a lot your honesty Silvia and I’m so glad you put your experience in back and white. Leaving abroad isn’t easy at all especially in a country that has completely different customs and culture. This might sounds exciting and I’m sure it is, but it’s also incredibly challenging. I think you’ve been very unlucky and there were factors that made your time in Japan very unpleasant which it’s a shame because it could have been a completely different experience altogether. It’s also true that your time in Japan has thought you a lot no matter how miserable it was for you and I like how you found the positives, it’s so important to always try to look at the bright sides too.
When I visited Japan I remember liking it a lot but also realizing how many things that are part of their culture I didn’t like at all and I actually thought they were wrong at least for my personal believes. I love that country especially for its diversity and I’d love to go back one day to explore more, but I don’t know if I could ever live there, never say never though! 🙂
Silvia says
I think Japan is a great place to visit and I’d love to go back again, but living there really is a whole different story. I’m glad you enjoyed the post though – I was a little nervous about sharing such negative experiences!
mitch says
2018 and resonate with this.
i was sent here from 2009 to 2013 as an expat and i loved my experience.
came back in 2017 to work and i’ve never been more depressed.
i realized that my stay in japan as an expat was just like a long travel experience.
but when you’re here to work and truly live in a culture that’s big on an insincere social harmony,
it’s totally a different story.
melissa says
I volunteered at an animal shelter in Tokushima for a couple of weeks. The place was created and owned by a Canadian expat. She’s been living there for 15 years, married a Japanese man and has two kids. She is still the outsider and she will never be considered anything else by the locals.
Silvia says
I wow, I’m always so impressed by foreigners who can live in Japan for so long as outsiders like that. She must really be made of tough stuff!
Victoria@ The British Berliner says
I totally understand Silvia and there’s no shame in feeling that way. It must have been horrible for you.
I had the same feelings about Singapore. It’s supposed to be the “easiest” Asian country to travel in but I found it the hardest. I had travelled 6 months across Asia solo and I had the greatest time. People were warm and friendly. I was invited everywhere because I was travelling solo and it was fantastic. People were fascinated by my skin (dark) and accent (posh British). Singapore was my last country before I had to fly back to England and then move to Germany as an expat(It was that long ago LOL).
Well, I didn’t like it. The people were so hard to connect with and I had the slightest impression that they just weren’t interested to the point that I sometimes just invited myself! In those days there were a lot of expats about and I kept bumping into them everywhere I went which was nice, but that wasn’t what I was looking for, and as a result found Singapore rather boring! Perhaps, 15 years later it would be different, but I’m not rushing.
Silvia says
It always makes it harder when other people seem to love a place that you don’t. In Japan I would look at other foreigners having a wonderful time and wonder what on earth was wrong with me! lol. I can imagine that Singapore would feel strange after traveling through the rest of Southeast Asia – in many ways it’s much more like East Asia!
becky hutner says
always love your honesty, silvia! reminds me of a good friend who also did the JET program. he was stationed in a paper house on a hill in a tiny town where the average age was about 70. he couldn’t go out at night because of the lurking “inoshishi” (wild boar) from the nearby woods. needless to say, his feelings about the experience are complicated too!
while i’ve never been in a similar situation, i can relate to fielding the question, “how was your trip? was it amaaazing?” if you’ve been somewhere for a substantial amount of time & it wasn’t just a holiday, chances are you can’t sum up the experience with a simple, “omg, YES!”
Silvia says
Oh wow, at least I never had to worry about any wild boar! And yeah, it’s impossible to answer questions about a long trip, especially when all most people want to hear is a one-line response.
Chalsie says
What an interesting experience you had! I’ve always wanted to teach in Japan for a year or so, in a town similar. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Chalsie x
Silvia says
It was certainly interesting!
Karyn @ Not Done Travelling says
This post really spoke to me Silvia – I felt very similiar during my 15 months living in Thailand. I loved so much about it but at the same time I was an outsider (it was a regional city and we lived a little way out of town). I was alone most evenings and despite the fact I became almost fluent in Thai I still struggled. Despite all of that I made some very deep friendships and I have no doubt my colleagues genuinely loved me, and it really made me who I am today. But it was an excruciatingly painful experience and I didn’t realise how truly unhappy I was until months after I left.
Whilst I know the tsunami made things worse, re the issue of not fitting in: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging that the culture of a certain place just does not match the beat of your internal drum. 🙂 You spent quite a bit of time trying to get to know Japan and you now know it’s not the place for you. That’s ok; plenty of other places will suit you perfectly.
Silvia says
It’s so interesting how you can not realize how unhappy you are at the time – though I guess in our cases we were somehow protecting ourselves! And you’re so right, Japan is simply not for me.
Jamie says
Great post! I had felt pretty much the same way about living in South Korea. But like you said, teaching English allowed me to save enough money to travel and move to New Zealand.
Silvia says
It’s nice to have that silver lining at least!
Leah of The Mochilera Diaries says
Oh my, you had quite an experience! I can’t imagine what you must have gone through after the tsunami hit. I think I would have reacted similarly to you, just an emotional wreck knowing how many people were suffering so close by. I was that emotional in the STATES for god sake! I’m glad you were able to turn an otherwise strange/unpleasant experience into something positive with your travels and your new outlook on life. I have similarly complicated feelings about the place you now call home, I still wholeheartedly love Chiang Mai but some parts of that experience I’d never want to relive!
Silvia says
It’s so strange loving and hating a place like that. At least it makes for a good learning experience!
Dominique Kane says
Thanks for sharing this Silvia! From what I hear, feelings of isolation are a really common experience among expats, particularly in Japan! So I think you’re definitely not alone. It would have been difficult to feel so on display, and yet separate from everyone else at the same time. I think it’s really great that you’ve shared some of your negative experiences about living overseas, as sometimes people only share the positive and it provides a distorted view of reality and makes people feel guilty for not 100% enjoying every one of their overseas adventures. Thanks again for a great post!
Dominique
Silvia says
I was a bit nervous about sharing such negative experiences, but you’re right, it’s important for people to see that bad sides of travel as well! I’m just relieved to see that people didn’t hate this post, ha.
Justine says
Wow, I can’t believe you were there during the tsunami. That must have been terrifying, even if it didn’t hit the area you were in. I’m fascinated by the fact that people didn’t want to talk about it with you. It’s seriously interesting that you were encouraged to spread the word that the nuclear problems weren’t a big deal. I can completely relate to having a complicated relationship with living in a foreign city. I’m beginning to think that a lot of expats deal with similar feelings. I know that I have a love-hate thing going on with Jakarta. Experiencing such drastic cultural differences day in and day out can be amazing and amusing, but they can be equally as frustrating and overwhelming. Anyway, very interesting post. I hope your mom had fun in Boston too 🙂
Silvia says
I really wish I could have just understood Japanese fluently during the time of the tsunami, because all the hush about it was so bizarre! I still don’t really know how anyone on my island felt about it. It seems like most expats have similar feelings about not belonging though, and actually it’s been a huge comfort reading through these comments here! I hope that you can love Jakarta at least a bit more than I loved Japan 🙂
Kaleena's Kaleidoscope says
I can definitely relate! I’ve been in Korea for nearly two years and you could definitely say the honeymoon is over. I am SO ready to get out of here and stop being the foreigner that everyone either stares at obnoxiously or completely ignores. But it’s a good experience to learn from and, like you said, the savings makes it worth it in the long run! 🙂
Stacey says
Loved this article and the pictures are fab, looks beautiful! Just a shame you didn’t enjoy it more 🙁 Good job the salary was so good!
Jakob Gibbons says
I was really curious what the deal with Japan was after reading your post on “how I afford to travel”, and gotta say I wasn’t expecting this one. That must have been some pretty serious post-traumatic stress you had there, especially living through a natural disaster in a place where you couldn’t even really connect to the locals for comfort after.
I have a friend who did a TEFL year in Japan, in a small town not as rural as where you were, and he said a lot of the same things. Essentially very polite and friendly but also very closed off, people always making it clear that we belong here and you don’t. But hey, at least you got some travel money out of it!
Great blog, I’m really enjoying it.
Cheers!
Fatih @ Turkey Trip Guide says
Çok güzel yazı olmuş. Teşekkürler.
Katrinka says
Goodness gracious, those pictures are beautiful.
Silvia says
Japan really is gorgeous!
Platonic says
I think I had a similar experience. I lived in Japan for just over three years, became fluent, and was married to a Japanese national. There was good days and bad days but overall I wasn’t happy at all.
Life in Japan is not enjoyable. It’s a constant barrage of over work and social etiquette that really hampers any kind of fun. Japanese are notorious for their long hours at work and with that they expect the same from you, unless you play the part of silly clown foreigner. The funny thing is that its not like your even really all that productive in that time, you just simply have to be there. On top of which they expect complete assimilation in regards to etiquette and practices but will never fully respect or treat you like one of them.
Then there is the lack of depth in conversation and the obsession over cuteness that can become infantile. It’s not like nobody has deep conversations, there is and I have had them, its just the culture doesn’t encourage them. Superficiality is more the norm in conversation and appearance, uniformity rather than substance. Nothing is really questioned in Japan, the government, the media, the conservative and often times chauvinist practices within the workplaces. Any questioning will just be met with “This is Japan”, as if to say accept it or leave.
Silvia says
Oh wow, reading this I kept thinking that you seemed quite harsh on Japan, buuut I also couldn’t disagree with anything you said. It’s just… such a strange place. It’s really comforting to hear that I’m not the only person who left Japan with so many mixed feelings – resentment and a bit of hate included. I guess it’s just not for us!
LasttoLeave says
dude thats the most “real” post on here. I connect with all of it. And these folks complaining about the inaka, well I kinda of get it, but the inaka is missing the weirdness of the big cities, and less stressful. Those kagoshima skies look real blue as do the seas. Try around tokyo, grey shit weather and nasty seas. The “PSTD” these people are experiencing is cake compared to what it can be like. Ive seen suicides, the aftermath of suicides when they roll the train back, bizarre “activities” on the commute to work while on that train. violence, and the whole lot a shakin going on during the quake, and the much worse lying and lack of support from our gov and japanese that came after it. Dude, japan cqn be hell, and its you and only you that standing next to you when your going through it. Occasionally youll meet somebody to share with, and thats a blessing, but how insulting it is to hear some japan lover lecture about nothing they know about.
Saxman says
Excellent and on point post! Yes I’ve been in Japan with a residence card the last three years and my wife is japanese , but since I have had a prominent music career playing with a well known world touring jazz band we maintain a place in the US. Your viewpoint and what Plutonic wrote are spot on and my inability to learn Japanese has made it even worse. Some folks fit in they change shape and become Japanese but they are never accepted. I think of The Japanese like The Borg From
Star Trek. Sameness. Same backpacks. No creative thinking. Harmony over reality. And what is with grown men having a little doll on their phone.
Japan is beautiful and I love it and I hate it. I get your post. For me I can’t seem to find music work like I do in the US the whole fake music business is bizarre to me. I too try to explain it to people but I played in japan each year on tour for over twenty years but living here or experiencing it has left me feeling son absolutely isolated and I can’t find music work. After being a high level musician they offer me hotel jobs or say either I’m too famous. Or not famous enough. Everything is for the sake of getting along.
Jazz culture is not understood and maybe it will never be able to be comprehended in Japan. Sorry to Vent so much but your thread spoke to me.
If I had enough money I would move to japan and just enjoy myself. It is a wonderful place. I’m in Tokyo or Kyushu most of the time the big city helps but you still become isolated.
Kate says
I don’t have much to add here that hasn’t been said already, but I just wanted to let you know that I read the whole thing!
I haven’t taught English in a country with such a different culture to my own, so I can only imagine how this all must have felt and I think your feelings would be similar to my own had I been in your shoes!
Camille says
Hi Silvia,
This was a great read! Definitely not hard to read through the whole post when it’s so well-written 🙂 I can relate to some of what you said as I lived in South Korea for eight months, which I think has quite a few aspects in common with Japan. It must have been a really frustrating time, but as you said, all experiences bring something positive in the end, and this was a stepping-stone towards living your dream life!
Silvia says
It’s so true – Japan was such a struggle for me, but I sort of owe where I am now to Japan!
LasttoLeave says
I was thinking over what you posted about how Japan was difficult, but it made you stronger. You know, a day in my life in Japan is always full of drama, from some old man yelling at me in a restaurant just for being gaijin, to being profiled by the police for no reason, other than “walking while being gaijin”. But none of that matters as much as going into their lane and becoming one of them. I dont know if you know what I mean, but thats the most suck, the most hellish thing Ive ever endured. Becoming one with him, made in his image. They can be extraordinarily weird people, like everyone who is not Japanese, must be taught the “right” way, the Japanese way, all individuality crushed, anything that comes from abroad is tainted and must be corrected. With all the shit I endure, I cant say any of it compares to that, and I guard against it at all cost. You will succumb to it if your around it 24/7, however. Then its just a turn it on/off existence. its not a place where all personalities and cultures are accepted, its their way or no way.
daniel carver says
Yea theres a word for it, soulless.
Penguin Monkey says
Actually Japan makes you weaker in some ways, although stronger in some other ways…
Turner says
It’s safe to say you spent enough time there to understand your feelings on the country. I lived in Kagoshima and had the chance to visit all those islands many times (did you ever get down to Amami Oshima?). I think you summed it up best here:
“The foreigners I knew who most loved Japan either had studied Japanese for years and could communicate fluently – they usually came with the intent of staying in Japan forever – or they barely spoke any Japanese and were happy staying the fascinating foreigner, ignoring the locals’ pained expressions when they broke one of Japan’s endless rules of social etiquette.”
I tend to think of these two types as members of one of two groups of foreigners who stay for the long haul. They tend to laugh off their differences, but others… just let the hate pile up.
Silvia says
It is sad how many foreigners living in Japan seem to develop such hatred or resentment for the country. One of the reasons I knew it was time for me to leave!
Kathryn says
Having lived in Japan, I understand what you are saying. One of the things that got to me after the earthquake was that people (Japanese people, I mean) would thank me for staying there! It’s those kinds of things that might be well meant and, on the surface, polite that give you that constant feeling of not belonging. Like you are being gently pushed in that “other” group. I never understand people who say they wholesale love Japan because it will always be a love/hate relationship for me.
It would be easier being the type of person who blunders through obliviousy but you would miss out on a lot too.
Andrea says
My husband and I taught for a year in a smaller town in Korea, and we had many of the same experiences. I would become so uncomfortable when it was so obvious someone was talking about me, in front of me, or when strangers would stare me down or peer into my cart at the grocery store. There were a lot of things I liked about Korea, but to be a foreigner there guarantees a certain level of isolation, more than a lot of other places I’ve visited. I just felt exposed, all the time — I was totally unaccustomed to that level of scrutiny. It definitely wore me down after a while. Overall, ours was a positive experience, but there were a lot of bad days too.
Andrew Darwitan says
Japan is a very complicated place, indeed. My best friend speaks ridiculously fluent Japanese and is currently studying in Tokyo, yet was never felt welcomed. He would sometimes share about the xenophobic judgments that Japanese impose on you before you even do a thing. I personally found Japanese really friendly and helpful during a short two-week in Japan, but hey, I was just a silly tourist so what do I know. I trust it’s just a complicated culture gap rather than any ill intent though. On another note, Tanegashima beaches on your photos look absolutely gorgeous! For all its good and bad, Japan sure has a lot of beautiful things to admire. =)
Silvia says
Yeah I think Japan is definitely easier to experience as a tourist than expat. If I could do it over again would would put less pressure on myself to try to fit in and do everything “the Japanese way” and just accept the fact that I would always be seen as an outsider.
Lauren Lalicon says
You perfectly explicated all the same feelings I had when I lived in Taiwan. I was there for a notably shorter time, only five months, and nothing very extreme happened while I was there, but I feel you on feeling shut out. I felt like an outsider while I was there because I didn’t feel like I meshed with the locals as much as I would try nor did I belong with the other foreigners, so in retrospect, I felt like I was all by myself. I always entertained the idea of living abroad for an extended amount of time, but for these reasons, I’ve forgone the idea. I’m sorry if I missed this in an old blog post, but why did you decide to teach in Japan? If it were another country, would you try teaching abroad again?
Silvia says
I decided to teach in Japan because I had spent a year there when I was 6 and really loved it, but had to leave because of an earthquake. So I always really wanted to return, plus the JET program paid so well! I’m not sure I was the best teacher to be honest, but if there was a teaching opportunity I thought I could be good at I’d definitely go for it!
Angela says
If it’s alright to share my experience from the other end: being an asian living in Australia. Depending on where you live in Aussie you can live with a wide range of races, or you’ll be the only asian among caucasians. If it wasn’t for the bad encounters and racial stereotyping, I wish I could say how much I appreciated the Australian culture, the laidback life, friendliness, even the extreme harsh climates adds to its unique experience. But the culture is predominantly suited for an extroverted, native english speaking Australian. Which I am none of the above. I tried hard to fit in, participating in their hangouts, roadtrips, drinks, using their lingo… but it wasn’t me and it was mentally exhausting. I couldn’t truly be myself without having to worry about being awkward, saying things wrong, doing “asian” things, unconsciously switching to my quiet mode. I would blame myself for being myself and not embracing differences when in fact I’ve reached my limit or simply numbed to it. Only when I came to Japan did I realise that I wasn’t wrong and that this is what it feels like to be in my natural habitat. There are things i disagree with the japanese way of thinking and sterotyping of westerners, but it’s the same for asians in a western country as well? We all have the potential to be the odd one whenever we become the minority. But it shouldn’t stop us from being who we are or finding people or places that give us happiness. And I’m happy you were able to discover that (I on the other hand am still on the road to that…). Cheers.
Silvia says
Australia and Japan – probably two of the hardest places to be an outsider/minority. I agree that the stereotyping works both ways, but there are definitely some places where that’s less marked. At least that’s what I’ve found, and it’s those places that I’m much happier! I hope you can find that as well 🙂
Samantha says
This is really interesting. I relate somewhat to the experiences of the author in Japan as I lived for several years in Hong Kong. The main difference between the Japanese (I have traveled and lived in Japan) and the (southern) Chinese is the curiosity – HKers were also curious about foreigners and (while treating foreigners like a subspecies at first) and when they found out you wanted to speak Cantonese and intergrate, they tried to help you) whereas Japanese just didn’t have the same eagerness for interaction. Curious, but maintaining a distance. Interestingly in HK, those who didn’t have college educations or come from well to do backgrounds were far more open-minded that those who were wealthy and had lived overseas (the opposite to the West, really).
I think Angela has gotten the wrong end of the stick about Australia, so to speak. I’m writing from Sydney were people of Asian and southern-European (migrants & descendants from Mediterranean countries) predominate – Caucasian people are a minority. There are different cultures in Australia and even myself, a white person from Sydney visits smaller towns and the like, I feel completely out of place and it is hard to be accepted by locals. I don’t think it is a racial thing but more a cultural thing – and unless you grow up in those places, you will never fully be accepted or understand the locals.
Stephen says
I have lived in Australia for 37 years and have never felt I fit in with the ‘Aussie’ mentality. Australia is a VERY conservative and narrow-minded place. The do not like individuality or difference. They have no interest in culture or the arts; just drinking, V8’s and tattoos. If you are different, you will be ignored, hen-pecked or looked down upon, even though the average Australian is at a base level barely above Neanderthal. I returned to Europe two years ago and it felt like home. I need to get out of here! I am looking at teaching the JET program, hence my discovering your site. Perhaps the Australian shunning will have perpared me for Japan? It is quite extreme here. It would no doubt be worse if my skin was darker.
Mark says
Don’t go to japan if you have that big of an issue with countries not accepting you. Unless you are fine being alone or just being treated like a novelty item just scrap your whole JET idea. The pay couldn’t be lower and its getting worse every year. Unless you have an incredible resume to find a job in an international school you are better off teaching somewhere else like south america. The jet programme keeps recruiting japanophiles who end up becoming more dysfunctional than what they were before or end up becoming really bitter.
Besides the JET programme does seem like a waste of tax money as the english level in japan is very poor. You really wonder whats the point of teaching english if most of them don’t need it or use it. Anyways going to japan as a tourist is amazing. Most friends that visit japan feel so amazed and want to return. Living here only works if you are fine with compromising your lifestyle to fit as a foreign here. Remember japan doesn’t need to change to fit your needs. No one is forcing you to live here after all.
Andy says
Silvia,
I read your entire post along with all of the replies before adding my comments. It’s always a good to get a balance of perspectives on something or some place that is unfamiliar. There’s always another side to every story.
I’ve never been to Japan but have had a long time fascination with the culture. One of my daughters is presently in the second half of a year of study abroad in Japan. She took a course in cultural anthropology that had a focus on Japanese culture before going there. I read a lot of the case studies and my daughter’s papers for that course. We’ve kept in touch via Skype and Magic Jack and have had some very interesting conversations. There is an aspect of Japanese culture that is very fundamental to any comprehension of the culture and that is this whole insider / outsider thing (uchi / soto). Under-standing this is somewhat like understanding the math that connected to the physics behind atmospheric modeling with computational fluid dynamics. This mathematical modelling method is currently the basis for weather forecasting. The analogy comes from the flexible and interactive boundaries of the physical systems that create weather. The inside / outsider social construct is relative and multi-layered, and, has multiple group constructs. In general, foreigners are and always will be outsiders. But a Japanese person can easily be part of multiple, often non-overlapping, insider groups at different levels of acceptance in each group and be accepted as an insider in a broader sense, at least within their locality. Outside of that locality, there can be some level of “strangerness” but likely never to the degree of what a foreigner would experience. So, I would say that a foreigner who has a strong need to fit in and be accepted as a local person, is unlikely to find that in Japan, and therefore unlikely to be happy with living there. On the other hand, introverted geeks like myself would be unlikely to be bothered by that.
The occurrence and consequences of natural disasters are viewed somewhat differently in Japanese society than they are here in the U.S.A. In Japan these things are a normal part of the natural environ- ment and cannot be helped (shouganai). There is little point to talking about what cannot be helped. From their perspective it is more useful to help the survivors pick up the pieces and put their lives back together, and, if that cannot be done, then the next best thing is to stay out of the way of those who can help. This actually makes perfect sense to me. Sympathy and empathy are good when they can lead to constructive action. We in the western world have such a hard time accepting the concept that there are powerful natural forces over which we have absolutely no control. In that sense the people of Japan, who have experienced the raw uncontrollable power of the natural world for many generations, have a more realistic view of such things. I respect them for that.
I can understand Russian (my first language), which once led to a doubly amusing experience at a restaurant. I was listening to jokes being told in Russian by some other diners there and was chuckling quietly some of the time. Then on the punch line of one particularly funny joke, I lost it and laughed out loud. They immediately got the connection and talked much more quietly after that. My daughter who is studying in Japan can understand a good bit of the Japanese language and has found a lot of the comments about the gaijin girl over there amusing and entertaining.
I don’t know whether I will ever have the opportunity to visit Japan, though I would very much like to do so.
Dan says
Wow, Andy, you have a great understanding of Japanese culture for never having lived here. Your analysis of “uchi” and “soto” are spot on. I was introduced to this by a student I taught several years ago. It’s a massive part of the culture. I’ve always been perplexed by Japanese people keeping their circles of friends in distinct circles, with very little if any overlap.
I agree with your estimation of their view of natural disasters as well. The “shouganai” thing bothers me sometimes, though, as it seems it’s used way too often, even for things that could be changed with some effort. I suppose that would require standing out, though, which is a no-no.
It took a few years of living here before it dawned on me just how important geography is in shaping culture and people’s thinking in a country. That, Bushido and self-isolationist policies of the past still shape everything about the Land of the Rising Sun.
You really should try to visit sometime, hopefully allowing a few weeks for the trip. I’m sure you would really enjoy it.
Carrie says
Beautiful photos, and I really like how honest your post is! I studied abroad in Costa Rica years ago and absolutely loved everything about living in and traveling through Central America. Now in Europe (and much older – boo!), I’m finding it harder to adjust to a much more rigid culture in Germany. I have a feeling when we leave in a couple of years, I’ll look back on our time here with mixed feelings, much like your conflicted memories of Japan.
Pasquale says
A really interesting post.
I have been in japan two times for 3.5 weeks each and i loved it.
But i think it’s a big difference to live there or to be a tourist. When i spoke to locals they told me that live in japan is hard. They work long hours and have only few free days (ok i am from germany and we have 6 weeks a year ).
One time a japan man told that he cannot understand why the tourists like japan.
But i love it. The people are so nice, the meals are great, the citis amazing, the trains much better than in germany…..
Charlotte Little says
Great post. I think it’s incredible of you to put your words out there on this subject. It will help so many. I have recently returned from Thailand and have decided to quit my job and travel long term, I have a blog which I love and will continue to write whilst I’m adventuring but I know around a year or 2 in I will run out of money. Teaching is an avenue I’ve thought of to fun my travels and it’s good to know the problems you can encounter. Well done on surviving 2 natural disasters! P.s. You had me through the whole post, and I know how you feel about your mum being the only one still reading 😛 xx
Anna says
Thanks for sharing. It brings back some memories. It was a very difficult time since i didnt know Japanese but I made the most of it. I was in Nishinoomote for 3 years (1999-2002). I had some similar experiences. But to this day I still have some good friends (even students) from there and hope to return someday.
Silvia says
My parents lived in Nishinoomote for a while, and my whole family lived there for a year when I was young! What a small world. I’m glad your experience worked out – I think I would have maybe had had a more positive experience if I had been on the mainland.
Anna Jones says
So sorry I missed this and I just reposted a comment. I was doing a search again because I am now currently helping someone apply for the jet program. She wants to live on Amami Oshima but I’ve also suggested visiting Tanegashima and Yakashima. She’s a surfer.
Yes I agree Mainland experience is definitely helpful. I did one year north of Tokyo (Saitama) and experienced a different life and felt more connected. City of life was difficult for me though and I found that I get along better living in the country.
Ironically another ALT from Tanegashima relocated there and we bumped into one another grocery shopping. She thought she saw a ghost. Small world.
Anna Cutino says
Silvia, THANK YOU so much for sharing this. I always feel like everybody who travels wants to make it seem like it’s the best thing in the world. Well, it is, but most people try to hide away the ugly that comes with it. I lived in Nicaragua for more than a year teaching English and German and it was really tough and this is the first time I’ve read, what I think is, about an honest experience.
I wish I could have been there.
Hope to cross your path someday,
Anna
Silvia says
Yeah, I thought I was going a little crazy in Japan when everything I read about foreigners’ experiences were super positive! Glad I’m not the only one who has struggled 🙂
Kohei Takagi says
Thanks for your blog!
I know what you, foreigner in Japan want to tell. Honestly, I am Japanese…
I can’t say well, but it seems that almost conservative Japanese want foreigners not to understand us. I mean that we don’t want to open our hearts to foreigners.
I don’t know what makes us think so, but we Japanese can’t open our hearts to foreigners.
Maybe there is no common senses between foreigners and Japanese…
Mike says
At least that same sense stopped Japan being overrun and exploited in the Colonial era. And allowed Japan to retain its culture. True now too in an era of mass migration, Japan is still largely Japanese and I respect the decision to retain culture ahead of money by pushing the economic figures with mass migration like many Western countries have done.
I found it easier to live in Japan as I fell into the category B described cleverly above by this blogger – of foreigner who didn’t try to learn the language in depth, and was happy to play the gaijin card. Though I was eager to learn the history and culture I never felt a need to fit in, I knew I never would to a large extent.
Andy Fasson says
Found the incel
Bryan McNett says
Your story struck a nerve with me – in 1991 I was attending college in New Jersey and didn’t know or care anything about Japan. I had a Japanophile friend who kept pushing Japan on me, and eventually suggested that we take language lessons together. We signed up for a language course at “JBC Language” at the Yaohan (now Mitsuwa) shopping center in Edgewater, NJ. The school had been founded a few years before by Mariko Sasaki, a Japanese person who came to America in the 70s and had worked the New Jersey school system as a bilingual teacher before starting her business.
I was really impressed with the work ethic and attitude of the teachers at the school, and in response began studying Japanese language very seriously. My class was 90 minutes per week, but in about 18 months I’d learned a few thousand kanji and basic conversational skills.
One day Ms. Sasaki announced that she would begin paying to bring two students with her to Japan every summer, and would choose who went from an essay competition.
I applied for the trip, and I won the competition!
But from the moment we arrived in Japan, something felt wrong. My teacher wouldn’t make eye contact with me or speak with me anymore. When I tried to join in conversation, I was forcibly pushed out. The feeling I got was like, as if I were being treated like a parrot or one of those dogs that can woof a phrase of human language.
After a week of this, I complained, and was told that there was never any obligation for Ms. Sasaki to speak with me or associate with me on the trip. This felt very off.
Silvia says
Oh wow, that is so bizarre! But also… not so bizarre considering Japanese culture. I’m sorry you had to go through that though.
Chris says
I’m a bit late to the game… 3 years after this was written.
I lived in Aomori Prefecture for 4 years — the Appalachia of Japan. Every sentence you wrote resonated with me.
The Tsunami hit the southern potion of the prefecture VERY hard! I suppose that made it easy to leave in the end.
I did enjoy Japan for some of the most amazing people you could ever meet… great food… respect for the environment… being part of a team, and so on.
The hypocrisy is maddening though. Japan wants gaijin to learn their ways and customs but when you do, they still generally treat you like shit. Become fluent in Japanese? Impossible — foreigners cannot learn such a complex language it’s assumed.
My friends used to call me “Mr. Japan” for how much a dove into history and such — but to the general populace, you’re still a foreigner in a very homogeneous society.
Want to buy some property? Forget about it. Gaijin cannot do that.
I’m grateful for my time in Japan. It’s contributed to the person I am today. My heart aches for the people who suffered there in March of 2011 — since it was so close to the place I called home… but it’s also completely okay that my time in Japan is in my rear view mirror!
Silvia says
Wow, it sounds like we had such similar experiences! I was so frustrated with the hypocrisy as well but I agree that my time in Japan made me the person I am today, and for that I am so grateful.
Jess says
So i may be extremely late to the party here but i just wanted to thank you for sharing such an honest account of your experiences. I’m currently on my second year on JET in a rural town in Honshu and really struggled on my first year, but i am having a much better time now. I didn’t speak any Japanese at all when i first arrived but tried so hard to fit in with Japanese culture and mimic my female Japanese co-workers (basically appear as small as possible and meek and polite) that i totally lost sight of who i was and felt so isolated and awkward. I was also in the unique situation where despite living in a small “city” there were 8 other ALTs within 5 minutes drive from me, which was great when you wanted to hang out but really hard hearing how much of a great time they’re having, and not hearing them talk about the same difficulties you are facing.
I can’t even imagine how traumatic the tsunami must have been for you; i would have been a total mess so i have have nothing but total sympathy for you. It’s so strange how differently the Japanese culture reacts to disasters compared to how America or the UK would act. Recently I was on my way to school when North Korea fired a missile over Hokkaido (very far away from me but still a horrifying thought) but when i went into one of my elementary schools not one person mentioned it all day, and when i tried to talk about it i was met with a concerned nod and a hasty change of conversation. I think this kind of experience has been one of the biggest moments of culture shock for me as i, like you, react very differently in moments of tragedy or threat. When i heard about the various terror attacks in UK in recent months i was pretty openly upset in the teachers room each time; it’s just not something that i can pretend to hold in and be OK about. In both our “Western” cultures talking about and communicating our feelings about an event is a way of dealing with the grief, sadness and anger that we are feeling. In terms of the North Korean missile threat i can also see why it’s barely talked about – the thought of an attack is utterly horrifying, and it is easier to just go on with daily life in your little bubble than to think about possible ramifications.
I’ve now changed schools to one with a more relaxed vibe and i’ve slowly come to the realisation that – at least where i am – my school doesn’t want me to try to be Japanese, they want me to act like a (respectful) Brit and teach them about my culture. And whilst i can get by in daily life, my Japanese really hasn’t improved all that much so to be honest i probably miss a huge part of what is going on and what is really being said. But i’ve finally realised that for the sake of my mental health and my own enjoyment of this experience i’m happy to play the part of the novelty clown foreigner! Ignorance is definitely bliss sometimes.
Anna Jones says
Thanks for sharing this Sylvia. So much is true and such a unique experience.
I also was an ALT, in Nishinoomote for three years. I think in one of your pictures that may have been your apartment house? I have a mix of good memories but also it was one of the loneliest times. I do think experiencing city life does help and I did one year north of Tokyo after. Right now I am helping someone as they apply for the JET program and she wants to live on Amami Oshima. She’s a surfer.
Amelia Allen says
Thank you very much for sharing this nice post.
Nwando says
I honestly started crying reading this line: “It made for a lot of awkward situations, and continued confirmations that everyone thought I was basically a different species. It would have been much better if I hadn’t understood them.”
I am an expat in Serbia, and I love the Balkans so much. I moved here out of that love from traveling to all the countries here, but living here is so much different. I just don’t connect with people here enough. I underestimated how much diversity in the US contributed to my interpersonal connections, especially as I am a black person. I don’t meet enough girls to have girlfriends here, and when I do, they seem disinterested in me after a week. And every guy I meet is a deja vu encounter of meeting up for drinks and a 45 minute conversation where i learn nothing about them b/c they’re too closed off, then I decline going back to their apartment after constant pressure, and it is clear to me they obviously just wanted to check f***ing a black girl off their bucket list and had zero interest in actually getting to me.
I have been feeling lately like, despite me living here, working here, and speaking intermediate Serbian, everyone just sees me as an American tourist that is meant to be in their life for one night to a week tops. So I have been frustrated.
But reading this article is so nice because it explains so much of what I feel all the time. I love you so much Silvia!
Mike says
A really interesting read. I came across this as I was looking at what it might be like to live there for a year or so. I was thinking of taking my family there (Japanese wife, kids don’t speak any Japanese yet unfortunately).
Your job sounds PERFECT if you were in a couple at the time, but a bit lonely to do two years solo. Working in Kyushu previously I noticed a lot of women English teachers didn’t exactly have fulfilling love lives – a lot of Japanese men work too long, and besides this, there just weren’t many where there was a mutual attraction. Sure that’s not everything, but…
The school sounds typical of many in Japan.
Anyway thanks for the honest account. Food for thought.
Yak says
Actually all of Japan is this way, not only that island. Japan is very safe and nice infrastructure, but they have some serious hangups when it comes to outsiders. Speaking fluently and marriage only makes it worse, I think you got off quite easily, try 15+ years, it kind of cooks you.
Chris says
I dont English teachers have it so bad, because your teaching in your native tounge, dont really have to assimilate, and have other gaijin to fellowship with. Now, I know that there is the ever present jealousy from japanese, your tall blonde, English speaker, etc etc own something they dont ( a creative personality) , but believe me, it could be worse. You could be working for some facist, racist, some never want to learn English because this is nippon, wonderful individual, and your doing it all alone. One of the toughest things Ive ever experienced, and nothing really prepared me for it.
Josh Urano says
Thank you for your sharing .
I feel sorry for that… I’m 30 years old Japanese living in Tokyo though,
I also feel that it is too conservative to live in the town…
Originally through the JET program , country-side in Japan can get opportunities to be global and open.
Staff from Local government and the program organizers should have taken care of you more…
I believe that the town will be changed by the young those who you taught.
Thank you
Ted says
Mixed emotions reading about your emotions. It`s a long process I think living anywhere but your own place. Even then though some people never find peace regardless of where they are.
Japan is complex in the extreme..lots of ups and downs… my mates and I, both Japanese and other nationalities (well traveled surfers/snowboarders) and I call it `planet Japan`… they get it.
I speak Japanese fluently now, didn`t when i arrived 22 years ago. It helps. I totally get the issues as I have left and come back several times. It`S only now that other elements in my life are lined up and I am doing what I love that it all makes sense. This would be the same if I was back in my birthplace.
I just embraced the fact that I am different here and chat to people as though I am not. Spins them out but they all get over it eventually. Thanks for the post. Will be hitting Tanegashima this summer to chase waves and fresh air.
Sarah says
I think that Japan and other East Asian cultures provide for different challenges that even language fluency cannot really overcome. There is the alienation and loneliness that comes from living amoung a people who are dead set on conformity, no matter what, then there is also the loneliness that comes from “putting in the work” all alone. What I mean is that your constantly bombarded with “Japan is so great” by foreign media, other foreigners arriving in Japan and some Japanese, but you long ago realized that it isnt, so you suffer quietly, and even sometimes question your own “realized truths” until you find the reset abroad that keeps you sane.
There are many hidden truths that people seldom mention about Japan, like loveless marriages, forced happiness, work bullying etc but arent these things what make up the majority of the experience? , but to question these things in Japan is not acceptable, so it all serves as a self feeding loop of sorts.
Vivian says
I’m late to the game but wanted to thank you for summing up how I’ve been feeling here!
I’m currently on the Jet program and will be wrapping up my second year this summer.
I’ve had previous experience living in Japan and it’s been nothing but amazing. I lived with host families who treated me like their own and showed me the amazing foreign loving Japan.
Not to say that Japan isn’t all that. I love Japan and still think it’s an amazing country. But like you, I’ve encountered many things about Japanese work culture that just drives me nut. Specifically, the expectations that you should behave Japanese when needed, but are still not Japanese so you can never be 100% included.
I’ve made many friends from all over the world on this program. Japanese people who want to talk to me just because I’m foreign. However, I’ve never felt so alone. It’s the feeling of not belonging anywhere. The feeling that people like the idea of me, but not actually me as a person.
I really appreciate your blog post! It helped put things in perspective because I really do love my town but I find myself wearing off, counting down the days until I can finally say goodbye.
EFlint says
Does the idea of finding home invite a sense of reluctance, curiosity, even doubt, not over that such a place exists,but that it’s where you’d want to be …
… does the thought of staying anywhere translate into and end of a search for something?
JP says
I’m very glad that you left Japan because we are a single race, single culture society and we don’t need foreign races, and more importantly, the foreign cultures to disrupt our wonderful society. We don’t need your American drug problems and we don’t need trash white men like Logan Paul or Julien Blanc. And we definitely don’t need the blacks to come here and rob everyone or rape our women. We are also disgusted by how the Americans are so trashy and fixated on their stupid tattoos. The Europeans have created huge social problems for themselves by allowing blacks and muslims to immigrate into their countries and ruined their homes. We don’t plan to follow the suit. Therefore it’s better that you go home so our culture doesn’t get polluted.
Donn says
SRead through nearly every comment and while
most people agree with the writer the common thread is that they are all foreigners, and have expectations that haven’t been met, have ideals that don’t conform with Japanese and come from a totally different culture.
Not one person that commented said they were yelled at with racial slurs. No one was imprisoned unreasonably or forced to do…..anything. There was no mention of driveby shootings or rampant drug use.
Many people talked about the intense cultural adherence as if it were ridiculous, or the long hours of work or suppression of feelings or thoughts. These are not bad things. This is their culture. So what?
Bottom line….American’s are so opinionated that they can’t even get along with each other. Rates of mental illness, obesity and murders are mind boggling. Alcohol related deaths are high cause Americans drink and drive. And you want to tell us that they want to sweep the Tsunami thing under the rug? Where can they go? What can they do? Nothing. So there is nothing to talk about. Tsunami’s have been going on there for thousands of years. And while most people that have commented have another place to go if things don’t work out or are career nomads most Japanese people have no place to go. Think about. You just discredited a whole bunch of people that live on an island with very little money or opportunity while you bathe in freedom of global mobility.
Rachael says
Hmmm I dont think its that simple as you make it, that is “Therefore it’s better that you go home so our culture doesn’t get polluted.” Thats a very feel good opinion but doesnt quite work when it comes to Japan. nothing in Japan is very original, and it gets most of its culture from abroad. So, on one hand you seem to reject foreinger polluted culture, but at the same time, we see rap battles and other ridiculous attempts to morph US culture into Japans identity. This can lead to a confused and disconnected reality that most Japanese have of the outside world. You also have a people who after decades of study, still cannot speak English. For all the rejection of foriengers, why the need to study their language? Why not master it and be done with that? The tired excuse of ” its our education system” doesnt seem to hold water anymore. The model of Japanese as some race who are the perfect role models for white supremacist ideology is misleading. Japan takes from the outside world, but doesn’t accept it, similar to China. Its a much deeper issue than protecting ones culture or keeping out the barbarian influences. I admit, initially its a very appealing place it, until you realize that the ideas philosophy concepts etc, that Japan rejects or cherry picks at, contribute to the miserable and oppressiveness that foreigners encounter when trying to assimilate there.
Selamat says
Not to forget most of their ‘traditional’ culture is actually from China
A says
Your country has never been a single race and culture, the Aino people lived through northern Kanto long before Japanese ancestors came to the islands!
What race nonsense you talk!
Nick says
Willing to bet that this wasn’t written by a Japanese person. More likely an alt-right incel moron.
Alexandra says
Name calling isn’t a persuasive argument.
Hero LeMaster says
It’s rare that I see other people writing or talking about the feelings of depression that can set in from living in Japan as a foreigner. I lived for 3 years in Tokyo and I experienced a lot of what you did. It feels like the more you try to fit in the more painful it is because you never can. Being an outsider in a culture that places extremely high value on uniformity is extremely draining.
Like you, I love Japan. I feel very fond of it now that I’m gone and I cherish the friends I made there. When I start to get too dreamy about it, I have to remind myself that I felt very unhappy for most of the time I was living there, even on a subconscious level when I was having a good time. While I wish Japan would become more welcoming of foreigners, it’s nice to see that I’m not alone in my experience.
Adam says
I lived just outside of Tokyo and worked a few different jobs (not just teaching) and my experiences over three years weren’t very different even though I was somewhere all Japanese people would consider completely different to the island you were on. People were just much more sly about talking about people, and luckily I had he advantage of being able to communicate to the level of understanding and calling out people from near the beginning, and just like you I have such nice moments but the negativity of how people in Japan treat foreign nationals and ethnic minorities is hard to shock and ultimately always taints those memories. My friends who are fluent and work have companies in Tokyo always complain about xenophobic, sexist and strange comments and being and seeing people being power harassed. Sorry if I am rambling a bit, I just wanted to say that I think your feelings and experiences are felt by most people having lived in Japan, (except maybe those that can’t speak any Japanese.)
Rob Dyer says
Hi Silvia – I just discovered your blog this morning!
I really enjoyed this article. It resonates with me also.
I am from England and I’m quite well travelled but have yet to find the ‘perfect country’. I’m not convinced it exists.
Fortunately, I now split my time between living in Japan and England – so can take the best of both countries and ignore the worst of each. That gives me a life that is pretty good on balance – and I still get to travel a lot.
I went to Norway for the first time last year so can understand why you decided to settle there.
I hope you have a wonderful life!
– Rob
Raj says
I think this is a typical foreigner sentiment especially coming from whites. The local’s have no reason to entertain you more than they do. Living there few years and expecting that you be accepted is nothing but ignorantly arrogant. It is no different in western countries, it is not like foreigners get invited to your home and offer them meals in your own country….seriously how often it happens….I think China and India fare better than Japan in this sense. The western culture that is left is celebrating marketing festivals like Fathers and Mothers day….japan seems to like these stupid things too….in asian civilizations (India, Chine and Japan e.t.c), parents are to be treated respectfully every day all your life afterall they brought you into world. So do not be so judgemental so casually, you do not get that right so easily just because you lived there few years. Anyway my point being, people like you regardless of color or race especially western folks need to understand you are not the center of the world and the foreign cultures are not something you can get in and out as a hobby…culture is something you are born into and defines you. You are taking a cheap shot at describing it leaving the incredible complexities associated with becoming a natives in any foreign land. There is nothing wrong with Japanese insisting on social courteasy over other things, that is their choice. I would take that over the “no one is above me” attitude in the west.
Please do not take it personal as I have no intention to look down on you or any western culture (there are great things about western culture especially American as I live in the US and famliar with it). I am just trying to point out hoping that you would introspect why you feel the way you feel. I would respect your opinions if you made every effort and lived your entire life in Japan and expressed your opinions. But you seemed to have moved on to your next perfect destination, is it Thailand?
Maria says
Raj I totally agree with you, I feel like the only other foreigner who agrees with you, maybe because all the other foreigners on here are mostly white people. Especially this part here: western folks need to understand you are not the center of the world and the foreign cultures are not something you can get in and out as a hobby…culture is something you are born into and defines you.
All these western white foreigners do is complain, and act like everything in Japan needs to be forced to be exactly like the U.S. or Europe. I feel like I am the only foreigner in Japan who is content and think these complaints are nothing to complain about and I don’t want Japan to be just like these western countries, I say leave the Japanese be.
Black says
This post seems fairly relevant so I’ll comment. Black guy here. I lived in Japan…countryside…and it’s not so great, at all. This is not due to the issues white privileged westerners are complaining about, but due to me having lived in China prior to, believe it or not. Before I make my main point here, yea… white people complain way too much when things that should never be afforded to them, aren’t. Anywho, I am simply not a fan of Japan, due to how unapproachable people are, in comparison to living in China, where *many* people are actually trying to strike up conversation with you all the time. During my time there, I basically hated every second of it, because I thought Chinese were “racist” due to their often idiotic desire to spurt whatever they see with their eyes off the tip of their tongue, though now I’d say, Japanese are definitely less welcoming and less genuine, but way more polite than Chinese or Indians due to whatever reason (any Chinese person you spend more than 30 seconds talking to will invite you to their home, don’t have to, and cook an entire meal for you and ask you to come back again the next day. cultural? Ok I guess), but I also agree with the fact that it’s not their obligation to be so. Long story short Japan is what it is, and it always will be. Japanese don’t tend to stare at you, or speak openly about your appearance, or laugh and point at you walking down the street, but it may also be one of the loneliest places you ever livr in your life, especially if you can’t speak Japanese. For me it was cool for a while, so I could get my own life together, after a while it was not. I took it as a lesson learned and am happy where I’m at now, never would go back to live there, maybe Tokyo, with a foreign company ans a high paying job, but definitely not the countryside.
Arbiter of Truth says
You’re the one who is “ignorantly arrogant.” You’re the one who is “taking a cheap shot.” You just had to make it about race/nationality, didn’t you? Tsk tsk. The problem here is that countries like Japan are overhyped and overrated to dangerous extremes to the point that people become severely disappointed and disillusioned when they try living there. The author of this blog would’ve been a complete idiot if she had attempted to earn your worthless respect by following your shitty-ass insinuation that she would have to live her entire life in Japan to express her opinions, which is fallacious nonsense. The time she spent in Japan is more than enough to decide if such a place is right for her to live in for the rest of her life. Your insinuation is like saying you’d have to marry someone for life to form an opinion on the marriage that you could respect. Anyhow, Japan isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It self-perpetuates a culture of xenophobia and contains far too many people who shun foreigners. Being “white” has nothing to do with it–rather, being non-Japanese is the cause of one’s receiving such ostracism.
Rene says
I can understand where you are coming from, but the reality is this happens all around the world and is not specific of one country. I emigrated from Mexico (high context culture, like Japan) to the U.S. (low context culture, not unlike Germany, U.K. or the Scandinavian countries) understanding that the Americans were not going to cater to me (even more so now with the current political climate), that their opinions on everything from family, friendship, work ethic, etc. would be different from mine.
It ultimately was my choice to make to adapt to the culture, not to the culture to adapt to me. I learned the language so I would not find myself in such a disadvantage when having conversations and immersed myself in anything that was culturally relevant, so I could do a better job blending in (from sports, to their style of comedy, to popular T.V. and music). This is the only way to deter people from saying things about you while you are present and people will start acknowledging you as something closer to a local and not someone they need to cater to.
For the most part it works. It is not perfect, but “good enough” should be sufficient if the intent is to live outside of your cultural comfort zone.
Silvia says
Okay but… did you read the article? I did the exact same thing you did, learning the language and adapting the culture.
Kevin says
Thanks very much for sharing your story with us, and it is a good read based on your honest personal experience.
I am especially interested to know more about the situation where you had mentioned that the local Japanese teachers would tell their students to try to maintain the socially harmonious unison with each other, and in so doing individuality was being hammered down. What was the context of the incident and exactly how were the students told? If you could provide the specifics, it’d be helpful in understanding about the way they implement the teaching of harmony at schools in Japan.
Cheers,
Timothy says
For the foreigner, Japan proves itself to be an extremely challenging place to live and work, because so much unspoken emphasis is placed on conformity. The foreigner is expected to obey every rule, but at the same time be a source of inspiration for all things that come from abroad. They are constantly prodded, laughed at, teased, and put on display to show how different they are from Japanese. It becomes a tiring act, long term, for the foreigner (gaijin) because acceptance or assimilation is never achieved. Some foreigners fool themselves into thinking it is, by becoming pera pera in the language, but the joke is on them because they will occasionally be reminded that they are not Japanese, and should know their place. In my opinion, its an useless and draining place to start a career or life, because the returns on the efforts you put into it are so insignificant to count towards anything worth trying.
Christo Deneumostier says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. 😀🙏
Apa says
Thank you for sharing your personal experience.
It might not be my place to say this because I am not you and never experienced what you had but..
I am currently in Japan right now, the area I am currently staying is quite open-minded for so to speak. It’s in the cities so they’re used to seeing gaijin(s), and plus the fact I’m Asian who happens to be able to speak their language fluently too. So they probably thought I was a fellow native at first look. I do openly tell them I’m not Japanese and they still treat me the same as they treat any of their fellow Japanese co-workers, and colleagues. I’ve been coming back and forth from Japan and the U.S. for 13 years now. Stayed in islands like yourself that barely have any interactions with outsiders, I think because you were so different in looks, and something they didn’t quite understand or see often that they were very distant. Japanese people are very reserve, and their teaching is down to the roots (same as those who came before and after for so to speak). I do agree with you on letting a student express more but that is something Japan as a whole nation still working on. For me reading this, I believe the biggest factor was the fact you went somewhere were Japanese people didn’t really have any interactions from outsiders, so they didn’t know how too or if so, they didn’t want too. Since you were leaving anyways, but if you had maybe stay even longer maybe they might grown into you. I really don’t know (I’m talking nonsense). It was unfortunate that you did not have a good experience living in Japan.
megu says
I read your posts while using the translation site. Because I am not good at English. I may not have read your true meaning correctly.
I am a Japanese woman living in Kyushu, Japan.
About the feeling of incongruity on the island you felt, I can understand both feelings.
It is a virtue that the island people and the Japanese old people are the same. Also, by being the same you can communicate. So, what you talked about in your shopping basket is the result of trying to be the same.
There are many difficult things even among Japanese. Japanese culture and customs are complex.
Naturally, I am Japanese, so I can behave appropriately even in the face of such things, but I think people from other countries will be confused.
Brenda says
Silvia,
I actually found your website when I was doing a search for itineraries in Morocco as my husband and I are going for a little over two weeks in November. I was reading all the links in that post to help me with my planning. Then I read a few more of your posts and wanted to write you a note. I was also a JET for three years just north of Kobe, and I moved there only a few months after the big earthquake (when you were just a girl it seems!) Perhaps I was up in the foothills teaching when you were still there getting candy… I stayed three years on JET, almost having decided that before I even went as I left a career job to go and figured this would just be the start of my new life. I had my struggles…. After a year of trying to be a super teacher at my high school and banging my head into the wall with the system, I decided to begin teaching on the side, private students other JETs were leaving, conversation schools in Kobe – I was working a LOT (including still trying to be a great teacher at my high school)! But opposite you, when I started the yen was very strong and so my salary was high. But when I left three years later the yen had dropped dramatically and all those yen in the bank were not worth nearly as much. I left Japan with yen still in the bank, hoping for a rebound, and tried to watch the exchange rate to change it all to dollars when it got stronger. I did that while traveling after leaving Japan, but not nearly at the rate it was when I first arrived. And how funny that I also feel so torn about not being such a hardcore “backpacker” anymore! When I left Japan I went on a year-long backpacking trip through Asia and, another one later after again working overseas. I thought I would always be a backpacker… But now I am looking at photos of accommodation options in Morocco and find myself drawn to the nicer places, when years ago a cheap hostel room was fine! It IS a mental struggle to give this up….
Anyway, wanted to drop this note as I found so many similarities in our stories. Now, back to the real reason I started reading – planning that Morocco itinerary! I should be writing you to with questions about that!
Thanks!
Tom says
Konnichiwa from Pico island, Azores to Tanegashima, Japan. Would love to move there, if I meet some woman from there.
Jim says
Japan is a very personal experience; some love it, others hate it, still others live in a constant denial, perhaps they tell themselves its better than back home. You can tell allot about a country by looking at how its citizentry travel or escape. So many Japanese leave japan during the holidays, just to escape the loveless vaccum and try to connect with something real abroad. Many of them cant express themselves, so it becomes a take but cannot give relationship to the outside world. Basically, Japanese are on some other B.S., uniquely Japan. Youll never fit in if your not one of them. I grew to hate Japan, all of it, except its nature. But you can find better nature in other countries. Not really much to it to love; stupid TV shows, the zombie army that wears the same white shirt black pants to work everyday, immersed in their cell phone and chain smokes, women/men who are desperate to get out of loveless marriages, but cant seem to connect with others from abroad, all of it, Ive seen it. Its a kind of endless hell that appears so nice. when somebody starts with how Japan was so wonderful, ask them the following; are you married to a Japanese? Do you speak Japanese? Have you ever worked in a Japanese company? How many years spent in Japan? Usually, without fail, they cannot answer the above.
KrO says
East Asia in general is better for introverts I believe. For extroverts who are not of the seriously charming variety I think it will mostly end up in a case of the person’s own patience wearing thin and also locals who are mostly just tolerating out of politeness.
Koko says
I think the Japan experience reveals human nature in its most basic state; that is ignorance. If I may elaborate;
You will see many foreigner come to Japan, and tell all that its such a wonderful place, and kind people, just because some Japanese helped to carry their luggage or bought them a coffee, etc. They fail to realize due to their ignorance of the place, that those acts of “kindness” were in fact not acts of genuine kindness at all, as most Japanese would never carry another Japanese persons luggage for them, or buy another Japanese a cup of coffee etc; they are actually very cold and indifferent to each other. These Japanese who do this for foreigners are actually trying to connect to something that is different than themselves, they want to escape the conformity and misery that comes with living in Japanese society. If you were to work with, live next to, or in some kind of relationship with that Japanese person, they would never do such a thing for you. I see so many people get Japan all wrong, including the media. The answers seem to be right in front of them, but fail to see it.
Lizzy says
Thank you so much for this post!
I have been researching other individual experiences about moving to Japan, since my boyfriend and I will be moving there in the spring. It is so refreshing to read about your blunt and honest opinion about your experience living in Japan. I think that it is important for people to hear good, bad and so-so experiences about living in Japan; it helps us make a much more informed decision in the end.
So thank you!
Kevin says
Great post Silvia!
Loved reading about the truth behind your stay in Japan. I find it very interesting that the tourism industry has seemingly convinced everyone in the Western world that traveling around the world is such a desirable thing. 150 years ago this was unheard of. I suppose it makes sense, when nowadays, you can just hop on an airplane, see a place, and then leave 5 days later after taking in the scenery and pampering yourself at some resort.
Very few people have time to ACTUALLY experience the culture as this only comes with a long time spent in a place. Experiencing the culture means taking in all aspects of it, good and bad, and the marketing and tourism companies only ever tout the good.
I have traveled much over the years now, and I have learned this lesson myself. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love traveling, but the reality of travel is something which I understand much better now than when I started years ago. A friend of mine quoting her grandmother once said, “we travel so that we remember why we live at home.” She was a wise woman.
In any case, regarding your experience, I think very few Westerners actually appreciate the liberty, freedom, and individuality that people enjoy in the West and I believe language has a large role to play in this as the English language over the years has been imbued with these ideas. Your experience with Japan is not surprising, considering the Japanese people for most of their history were isolationists. Asian culture focuses on group mentality and if you are not part of the group from having grown up with them, you will never be a part of it.
In any case, as a surfer I found your mention of the quality of surf rather intriguing. I never heard of Tanegashima before I read your post, maybe I will have to pay this mysterious island a visit one day…
mike says
” I believe language has a large role to play in this as the English language over the years has been imbued with these ideas”
very true observation, perhaps thats why japanese never master english at a native level
Kana(Japanese) says
Hi thank you for sharing your honest opinion! I enjoyed it!!
I’ve never leave a comment on someone’s blog but this time I wanted to leave a comment because I agree with you some and I also wanted to share there are other positive perspectives about Japan. Sorry if my English is not correct in advance since you’re English teacher ( ´ ▽ ` )…
I’m a 30’s Japanese woman who has been living in OR, U.S. for about three and half years. I love cultural differences and foreign people. Because I think different cultures are just fascinating ( ＾∀＾) But unfortunately, I would say my type as Japanese is not typical type Japanese especially in country areas or suburban cities. I was born and raised in a small city close to Kobe so experienced Great Hanshin earthquake too. I experienced two big earthquakes in Japan, Hanshin and Fukushima. I was really scared and had so many night that I couldn’t sleep. So totally understand how hard that you’ve went though as a foreigner in a foreign country. I wanna say thank you that your father helped victims in Kobe.
In historically, we have been experienced so many earthquakes. It’s simply because the Japanese archipelago is located in an area where several continental and oceanic plates meet. This is the cause of frequent earthquakes and the presence of many volcanoes and hot springs across Japan. Not only earthquakes, but also Japan has many natural disasters such as Tsunami, Typhoon, Flood… So I think many Japanese people are getting used to have a natural disasters (I don’t wanna say it but it’s kind of like we had to get used to under this circumstance…) But on the other hand, Japan has Onsen(hot springs) culture in all over Japan and I love it so much! So it’s like earthquake and hot springs are like yin and yang. You can’t have only a good part. That’s my mom told me. 🙂
I really didn’t like how most people including elementary teachers, relatives, who lives in my hometown are constantly complaining about their lives and tried to push me to adopt society well instead of let me be myself. Thankfully, my parents have different ideas from other families, so I am grateful for that they raised me to an open minded person 🙂 I 100% understand your experience in your blog. After I moved to Osaka(second largest city in Japan) and Tokyo(the biggest population in Japan) for my career, I started to see more people especially around my age, 20’s to 30’s, are open minded and acceptable for different cultures.
So I think what happening right now is there are a huge gap between suburban cities/country area people and big cities such as Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, or Fukuoka people. Especially Tokyo has been becoming a really global city. I feel like Tokyo is like a totally different country than other part of Japan haha… Because there are so so many foreigners have visited or lived in Tokyo for the last 10 years. It was not like that before. It’s just crazy now (I mean in a good way). But I don’t think people who live in suburban cities/country area are mean or don’t like foreigners. I think they simply don’t see foreign people that much. They just don’t get used to see Caucasian people.
Since Japan is an island, there is no way that people can come by cars or trains like European countries. And Tanegashima has own rich history which is Dutch people came to Japan to introduce guns and Christianity to Japanese people about 400 years ago. And as far as I remember, Japanese people didn’t like it. So I think Tanegashima people tend to be more conservative I think.
P.S. When my American boyfriend visited to my hometown in Japan and Tokyo. He said I don’t wanna live in your home town because people are staring at me. But I wanna live in Tokyo.haha That much different between areas. So maybe you could feel better yourself in Tokyo hopefully:) I just thought it’s just sad to judge before you’ve seen from other perspective.
Hope it encourages you! And I believe cities are constantly changing :)!
Sorry for the long comment and thank you for reading!!
Rick says
Especially Tokyo has been becoming a really global city. I feel like Tokyo is like a totally different country than other part of Japan
I have to disagree with that, because Tokyo is a melting pot of Japanese from Hokaido to Okinawa, so its really just a reflection of all of Japan. I didnt find it to be that open, perhaps only the Azabu area, or some upscale area like Daikinyama. I felt that the more places that had foreigners living, the more the Japanese would hunker down and hate. Green vans with speakers love the embassy areas, they would go bizerk over there. I thought Tokyo was hell, but I hear Osaka is even worse with its large Korean and Burakumin populations who face tremendous discrimination. For me the inaka was a kind of escape.
george says
I think Japanese due to their heritage or culture, are very cold and unsympathetic people, and are seeking something from abroad to fill that vacuum. I once had a hypertension emergency and had to lay down on the sidewalk, and all these people just walked past me. I finally got up and barely made it to where I lived and had an ambulance called but it was quite a scary moment. I mean, Im not looking to be a victim, but wow, at least ask, hey buddy are you ok? I mean, thats what I would do. Im lucky Im alive today and made it back to my apt.
Maricarmen Bueno says
Thanks for sharing your story, I liked your post and I did read it wholly!
steve says
from most of what I have heard and read japanese people are such uptight assholes it’s not worth the hassle to live there long term….I spent about 20 years living in thailand teaching english in chiang mai and chiang rai…can speak fluent thai but same deal…you are never accepted…always considered the outsider farang and of course they will say negative shit about you to other thais in front of your face….I live in cambodia now..in phnom pehn but it’s such a polluted shithole I will have to move for my health to get better….I found taipei to be ok when I wemt..bit expensive..like everything double the price of thailand…dunno where the fuck I will go next in this fucked up world ruled by dumb greedy pussy and globalism….living among humans whose systems are rooted by emf’s…maybe I’ll find a country town to live in here…or a cave and pay a boy a salary to get my meals every day….fuck the world…it’s all turned to shit.
.better to seek peace away from EVERY SOCIETY insttead of trying to fit in.anywhere…the shitstem is fucked and the more intelligent you are and aware of the problems the more problems you’ll encounter…for one such as myself who is awake it’s like swimming against the tide.
.a piss in the wind….a game for nought….found it interesting to watch a video on yputube recently of a thai guy living in a cave and going into town sometimes to hit on foreign ladies…he apparently scores about 20 women a year….thats the way…live on your oen and have them come to you..and get rid of them when problem develops or you get bored…men working and stressing in society to fork money out to pussy are dumb asses….any man meeting a woman who wants him to live with her has to please her and play by her rules…weak shit….way I see it….it’s best for a man to live alone and if he gets too full of list go and a hunt for cunt…ride it for a short period and live alone without lust until the urge returns…FOLKS MUST REALIZE…MUCH OF TRAVELLING FOR HUMANS IS ABOUT FUCKING…THE SMARTEST PERSON WILL BE LIVING AS A HERMIT IN NATURE WITH ZERO STRESS AND FUCKING ONLY WHEN REALLY WANTED…NOT REGULARLY….not every day and night…not having long term partner…that os stupid shit always leading into trouble
man_methaya says
I am a Thai but I like your perspective about the world. Sorry for your disappointment with Thailand. But I live and work in America for 10 years (and got a green card) and thought it’d become a shithole so I came back home. No country is perfect. My philosophy is to live where you want to contribute and where your contribution is appreciated most – that usually means home. Thailand, 30 years ago, was a really nice country. But as (Thai) people got richer and became more materialistic, they have gradually become intolerable. In the past, people’s attitude in life and compassion was not affected by economic growth. People didn’t live for money back then. The Thai were nice by nature. Now if the economy is sluggish, everything – including politics- turns sore. People today live for money. And this sorry state of humans has spread everywhere.
Deese says
I’m literally the opposite. I love anime, I’ve been into it since I was literally a kid. I’m even more into it now as an adult. I’m a white woman who has always wanted to visit Japan. I loved the culture, the folklore/mythology, and of course anime. I’m sure now many want to point their fingers and scream Weeaboo at me for liking all of this, but I’m not. I don’t think people even know what that means. Liking something doesn’t make someone anything derogatory. Anyway, I digress. I’ve wanted to do so since I was a kid, and I was finally able to seven years ago. During elementary school, at the end of the year when we only had two weeks left before summer break, my school would pull basically a festival for those two weeks and basically do anything. From literal rock climbing (not like going to a store and climb fake rocks, I mean literally rock climbing), to rafting, going to wildlife reserves, ect. Well, they also had cultural appreciation classes where we would learn about different cultures, food, and the language. I chose a Japanese course and learned how to introduce myself and other small sentences by an actual Japanese woman. I took the class the entire two weeks because I was so fascinated by it. This was also before I actually knew what anime was. I grew up with Studio Ghibli than Disney, but I wasn’t aware the medium was called anime until high school. When I did get into high school, it was mandatory to take a language class for a least two years. They had Spanish, Latin, French, and a couple others I wasn’t interested in learning. I didn’t take any my freshman year. Well, funnily enough, my sophomore year they introduced a Japanese class which I immediately took up. I did the entire class the rest of high school. It was there that I met several other anime fans and learned what it was called. Also met by best friend there which was amazing. I wouldn’t say I was actually fluent in the language because we mostly covered Kanji and the like, didn’t actually learn how to fully speak it but I could at least get around Japan if I had to. After I graduated I took a year off, because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and was hesitant on college. After that year I decided to go, but only went for a semester. I hated school and couldn’t stomach redoing regular classes like high school, but this time I had to pay for it. So I dropped out. At the time though, I took another Japanese class. We actually learned a lot of shit during that time, more so than the high school classes. Well, I kept in touch with my college professor after I dropped out and he helped tutor me as much as he could. He then offered me free online classes which helped me even more to learn the language. I still wouldn’t say I’m 100% fluent, but I can hold my own in conversations and have no problem wandering around Japan, so I say I’m doing pretty good. After those online classes, I started a job that paid me $20 an hour without having a degree. Since I didn’t do anything after my high school graduation, I decided that I was gonna go on a trip with the money I made and booked one for Japan. I flew to Kyoto because I really wanted to check out the temples. Some of these have been around since the Edo period, which fascinated me. While everyone says Japanese people are polite and that’s all, I literally had the opposite happen. These people were genuinely happy to talk to me about the history of the temples and the emperors that owned them. Had many people offer to show me around different sites and be my guide for free. We even had fun with them testing their English out on me , and my Japanese out on them. I stayed there for a week, and then the second week I went to Tokyo. Honestly, the people there were even more welcoming than in Kyoto, and I had nothing but a pleasant experience with the locals there. I checked out all the tourist attractions, even went to Akihabara which was amazing. My mind was literally blown. Funnily enough, I ended up meeting a guy there. He was a couple years older than me, very handsome. He flirted with me and asked if I was an anime fan or if I was just a tourist. Having told him I’m actually a fan we hit it off immediately. I’ve never had a guy flirt with me back in America, but it happened twice here. Literally no judgment or joking going on. Funnily, he was dressed in nice black dress pants with a black button up shirt that had thin white lines running vertically on it. He was very handsome and ran his own business, which was funnily enough, a comic shop. We traded numbers and hung out constantly while I was there. When I finally went back home, I continued to talk to him constantly. He finally confessed that he was born in America and lived there for many years before his parents moved back to Japan. He was happy to meet a foreigner who wasn’t so stiff with politeness. But he had nothing but good things to say about Japan. He totally got used to the politeness and wouldn’t stop living there. I really had a thing for him and finally confessed to him. He like be back but said a long distance relationship would be hard, and that he’d love it if I moved there with him. I thought about this for months, it wasn’t some hasty decision, but I said yes and packed my shit and moved. Everyone, including you said they were treated just like foreigners, I literally didn’t have that experience. Nobody was mean to me or treated me like a butt of the joke. I actually got the same job that I did in America, also got paid the same, but things in Tokyo were cheaper than in America. Or it was for me at least. All my coworkers liked me and constantly asked me things about America and what it was like living there. They asked be to debunk myths about America which I was glad to do. They seemed surprised that some of the things they thought about us were wrong but were happy to learn otherwise. In return, they did the same for me and let me ask questions and they also debunked myths that I learned. We are very close friends and they have started calling me by my first name, and I them. We hang out quite often outside work, they also met my boyfriend at the time and were very nice to him. That boyfriend is currently my fiancé. This all happened seven years ago, have been living in Japan for all these years. I’ve never once had a problem with people treating me differently. And while I do go out drinking or whatever else with colleagues, I’m actually incredibly introverted. I prefer to be just with my boyfriend, sometime I do decline going out but make use my fiancé as an excuse and they’re totally alright with that! Maybe it’s because I prefer to be alone and don’t really like talking much with strangers that I just don’t notice the coldness people throw at me, or I literally just don’t notice it. But I’m perfectly content living here as a foreigner, and I’m honestly surprised so many people here claim that they were treated awfully and that they hate the country. Maybe it’s because you all went in with a certain mindset, or perhaps you already created an image in your mind of how you wanted Japan to look, so that’s why you disliked it? I didn’t go with any such thoughts and I really couldn’t be happier. I always felt off living in America, like I didn’t belong. I feel totally different here in Japan, like I finally found my place. People leave me alone for the most part and I’m living comfortably than I ever have in America. And of course I have the man of my life beside me. Maybe some of you should give it another change? Or are some of your extreme extroverts that you have to talk with everybody and constantly have to do things? I found Japan is an introverted country which I totally like, so maybe that’s why I’m not bothered, or just don’t see the coldness and “mistreatment” that others said they’ve experienced. Also, Silvia, it’s sorta funny you said you didn’t like Japan, that you felt left out considering you live in Norway. Isn’t that an almost very introverted place? Like, they don’t speak to each other unless spoken to first? My best friend and her boyfriend visited Norway and said that talking to strangers for no reason was seen as weird, is that true or is she just fucking with me? If it is, then what makes it different than how you were treated in Japan? Sorry if this is all over the place, I was excited to write about my experience so it’s probably jumbled in parts lol.
Asian says
As a full blooded korean who grew up with more blonde Americans I feel you make an accurate point about Asians social awkwardness to different people. When I studied abroad in Korea although I am korean I felt that object of fascination and it became objectifying and too indiscreet. The entire nation needs confidence how have no leaders stepped up and been like stop being so fucking awkward lol? Even in Asian parts of town in America I often get commented on for my looks and western men like I’m not a person who has my own thoughts and would find those comments weird.
I used to look up to Japanese culture from media but after looking into their history and typical way Asians cover up (hey I experienced the covering up aspect of Asians firsthand in my family) and nan king and comfort women I find their military males despicable and it’s just what u get when u put a bunch of band nerds on a continent.
kelly says
I’ve just found this blog 5 years later and read through all the comments. I found the original blog entry interesting but even more interesting all the comments and different perspectives that have continued to be submitted after many years. I lived in Tokyo myself for 2.5 years, and I can definitely identify with Silvia, I struggled with the fact that I’d never be accepted into society fully (I am an American white woman) and even though I never really felt like I fit in or wanted to fit into mainstream society in America anyway, by the end of my stay in Japan deep down I have to admit that I longed to seamlessly blend in again and go unnoticed, lol.
I grew up in a suburb and disliked a lot of people who were not open minded and said a lot of ignorant crap, didn’t try to better themselves in any way etc. at this point in life I just choose to keep those people at a distance because I have that luxury. There are people like that in every country but I can see how there could be more people like that in the Japanese countryside perhaps and it was harder to avoid and ignore.
For me it was an amazing experience, the good and the bad. I try to have the mindset that a bad experience isn’t really bad when you’ve learned something from it. And while I did feel unaccepted and lonely at times, I think people can feel that way anywhere. I was also baffled by some interactions but I also made a lot of mistakes myself, and although its awkward and embarrassing, I tried my best to let it go and laugh, after awhile it gets easier but I think it would always be a bit stressful. I got involved with a music scene in Tokyo that is pretty progressive and met amazing people, and I met some great foreign friends through different networks as well. I love dearly many aspects of Japanese culture even more than my own culture, and the language is fun and interesting for me, the good outweighs the bad, but there were times I got really frustrated. Then I think about America, and the problems of Japan really pale in comparison so its all relative. Every country, every society has strong and weak points and you have to decide what is most important to your happiness and well being. There are things I love and hate about everywhere I’ve been but you can’t have it all. Yes, there are more life-threatening natural disasters, and it was hard to connect with the average Japanese but there are like 35 million people in Tokyo and you cannot be friends with, or please everyone – trying to would definitely cause you a lot of unnecessary suffering, lol.
Even though Silvia says she wouldnt want to live in Japan again (totally reasonable), she got to see some amazing places she wouldn’t have otherwise, save money, and clearly she made some friends too as you can see in the belly dancing photos 🙂
She got the chance to come back to a place that she had such fond memories of and a deep connection to her childhood. Work experiences themselves no matter where can be terrible, and not being accepted in society can also be terrible and it seems Silvia’s personal experience was a lot of that. But while most foreigners will experience at least some of this it might not be to the extent. As for being different, I chose to look at it as a chance to see what its like to be the foreigner, the outsider, discriminated against and not take it personally because its not personal and if it is, I chose not to see it that way because the only person that hurts is me. Maybe having that experience is going to help me empathize with people more and treat them better in the future.
I agree with some of the other commenters the work-life balance or corporate culture at your average Japanese company seems miserable and I didn’t meet too many english teachers who loved it but a few I know definitely found success and passion for it. I was really fortunate with my job there and I realize that I had above average circumstances but it was on a contract, so my time was up and I had to accept that. If I can find a way to go back on my own terms I might do it, because I think the overall quality of life is better in Japan than America but I’d still be torn. Even if I don’t end up going back to live there I’ll always have mostly fond memories and I’ll always go back to visit. I think that we all should try to make the best of our circumstances wherever we are at the time, and when that time is up, appreciate it for what it was and apply what you’ve learned to your future.
John Theivagt says
Necro post, but at least there’s been some recent entries to go with this one. I have been a near perpetual beginning student of Japanese. I do quite well for a while before lapsing in my studies and basically start over. Anyways, I remember reading a passage in a book about honorifics in the Japanese language about non-Japanese who try and become accepted as much a native born. It. Will. Not. Happen… EVER, so give up that idea right from the get go. Also, although trying to match accents perfectly might seem a perfectly reasonable goal, native speakers don’t expect you to be perfect and most times relish the fact that foreigners are foreign and don’t have to “fit in” like they do. It’s supposed to tie in with their desire to rebel against the enormous weight of social conformity which they can’t really fight. It seems we desire what the other has while not realizing we shouldn’t be so quick to toss our “differences” aside. Kind of reminds me of a habit I know about myself, but still fall into: I will love doing things that do not benefit me for other people that I like, but should it ever become a requirement or expected, I will cease. I hate obligations, I guess. So trying to become part of another culture’s endless rules for social conformity would be the last thing I need in my life. Thanks for sharing your experience of Japan to all of us. It is very much appreciated.
Joe says
Wow, you’ve probably read as many comments as you could ever want to read on a blog, but i’m going to comment anyway!
I’m nearing the end of my 3-year visa period and am not going to renew it. I’m in Tokyo, working in a startup company with a Japanese friend.
Apart from the working life being insanely and needlessly complex to the point of being an utter insane asylum, it’s very difficult to have regular conversations with people I meet. Like you, I came to Japan without speaking the language and have had to figure everything out myself.
Literally every person I meet or am introduced to, wants to know if I love Japan, why I’m here and how long I’ll be here. You are seen as a tourist if you don’t speak much Japanese, no matter what you’re doing her and for how long. And like you touched on – any conversation that paints anything even a slightly negative picture about any aspect of Japan, is a massive taboo. I want to be around real people again.
Also yeah – the paranoia of being stared at and standing out all the time. Even though I’m aware of why I’m being looked at and understand the reasons, I do get tired of it. I just want to be able to have normal conversations beyond all the superficial stuff.
There’s a lot I love about Japan, particularly the countryside and mountains (one of the reasons I came here was to hike and climb and explore.) But the loneliness absolutely does not make it worth it. It took me nearly 3 years of kidding myself that I’m happy living here. Would I ever live here again? Absolutely not. Japanese society is not yet ready to have foreigners move in. They have a long, long way to go before the culture opens its arms to the world. Unless you’re happy living a superficial existence with very few real friends, it’s a difficult life.
Kiyoko says
Hi Silvia,
I’m a Japanese blogger currently live in CA. I know this post is already 5 years old but your story is continue radiating! The reason why I’m leaving this comment is that I’d like to ask you if I could share your post on my blog. (for a good reason!)
Japanese media tend to spread only the positive voice of foreign people what they feel about Japan and as you know, that is not true at all. I have no intention to be a disgraceful Japanese, it’s quite opposite. I’m hoping Japan to be better place for everyone, especially for my kids who are half Japanese.
Because Japanese suffer for the social pressure you experienced( including myself) and this needs to be changed. As other ppl mentioned in the comment, it maybe Asian culture and takes long time to change but it is happening little by little.
If you feel comfortable with sharing your post with a little bit of my Japanaese translation, please let me know otherwise I wouldn’t.
Thank you for reading my super long messege!
Sincerely,
Kiyoko
Mike says
@Kiyoko,
I disagree with you about Japan society is slowly changing. I think it works like this; it appears to change then it quickly reverts back to its old self. The progressive or radical change is a Western concept, foreign to Asian culture.
They only adapt and use what they feel is acceptable for their society (usually some dinosaur old men at the top, controlling some ministry of this or that) Change represents risk, and a fundamental concept of Asian cultures, well especially Japan, is that it is a risk averse culture.
Take the AirBNB or minpaku situation in Japan, for ex. It appeared that that sector would be wide open, so much deregulation etc. Then once them pesky foreigners arrived, the rules and game changed; we are back to square one, Keep Them Foreigners Out!
. All those hopes and hype, were upsetting the dinosaurs.
If you think Japan is changing, I think you will be in for a disappointment long term.
Bell says
The problem of Japanese media is that they try to show only positive things about Japan while they hide negative things about Japan.
Negative things would be war crime in WWII, explosion of nuclear power plan in Fukushima, sexual crimes, sexual abuse of Japanese elderies in South East Asia, earthquakes etc…..
Japan is never a place for a human being to live.
Also. Japanese government is struggling about preparation of 2020 Tokyo Olympics.
Hiding ugly side of Japan will not make any improvement to Japan.
Tim says
@Bell
but hiding the ugly and never changing, thats their man made religion, therefore if it all was to be exposed for what it really is, then what is to replace it?
I have noticed a few “kawaii” token halfu on the TV, like news or weather caster etc, but that is just to show an effort or “this one is acceptable, but this one is not” kind of logic, like they did with Ariana the Miss Japan winner.
Diatribe And Mirth says
It’s sad to read about such scary experiences. I hope I will be able to leave without experiencing the next big earthquake.
My experience is totally different here. Living next to Tokyo area, the megaphones on Sunday morning (the recycling guys), the megaphones from political partys starting at EIGHT AM ON A SUNDAY this time (at around election times), the drunk punks screaming bloody murder for no reason at 3AM, the Vending machine #### head who is allowed to refill the ####ing machine at 2AM, the loud business parties that go on, the people that just walk in front of you, the construction thats allowed to take place in your building starting early in the morning even on Saturdays….
THESE are my reason for never returning. What an absolutely ignorant bunch of people here. I can not stand it.
Mr.Dai says
Oh it was an interesting read!
I’m a Japanese dude born and raised in Japan but I could never fit in to this society.and since I have tattoos the discrimination is horrible .I have mental illness and have no work or study.im called “hikikomori” in Japan
I wish I can GTFO of here one day it’s a depressing place for who can’t fit in as u say
Lillian says
I have been to Japan but as an American, I did not know all the rules and was treated badly. Although I had a relative with me who speaks Japanese, I still didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I think the worst thing there is the habit of “saving face.” My relative has had enormous problems with her boyfriend because he says one thing to her but really means another – he is saving face, but has hurt her a lot. I know others who have had business there – same thing. Businessmen don’t even want to work together but will prolong any transaction for days to only end up at the very first suggestion made days before. For me, I do not like the deception. People often say things they don’t mean or believe. It’s all to keep face. And there is no guilt when you intentionally hurt people by saying a lie instead of the truth so the person knows what’s what. I do not understand the fascination with Japan if you know that they are often dishonest. Aside from anime, what about real people and relationships? The habit of “saving face,” really just means lying to others. I guess I will never understand lying to try to make someone feel better when the lie eventually comes out and then you realize it was just that: a lie and there are worse repercussions. For a Westerner who is used to saying what you really mean, Japan is a very, very difficult place to live. (Unless you’re a pathological liar to begin with.) Definitely not some place I would want to live.
Maqsooda Shiotani says
I totally agree with you. Japan has so much discrimination. They think that they are the best people in the world. Of course good and bad is in every society but that is very visible. Here everything is under cover.I have started a petition to change the Family registration system. Hope a day will come when japanese citizens especially women start raising their voices to change their society for a better future.
Wish you all the best.
Kathelflet says
I lived In Kanazawa Prefecture as an exchange teacher 1990-91; then, I was supposedly the only foreign national hired as a regular Japanese teacher ‘91-‘92. A situation that at THAT time was highly extra-ordinary. I got the feeling that somebody really liked me a lot…
So
I’m uncomfortable with the overwhelmingly negative energies floating in some of the repliers’ words; but, then again, that was almost 30 years ago…
When I lived in Japan, I never wanted to come back to the states…the only thing that brought me back to America was the golden-handcuffs of healthcare…
That, and I was approaching 50…you better believe having a beginning regular teacher over 45 REALLY threw a wrench into their supportive associated protocol.
I feel immense gratitude and caring for everything and everyone from my Japan life-stay.
Interestingly, reading what everyone wrote let’s me feel things are pretty much the same all over the world now…
Look for what you want to find and the joy you feel might last long enough to be felt all around…look for and relate what most of you wrote about; and, that’ll be indicative of what I’m feeling from everywhere deezedaze
Kazu says
Most Westerners complaining here are forgetting USA nuked Japan twice, fire-bombed them and went on to starve them economically, not only that Japanese population also has people of other Asian ancestries, countries in Asia which USA had attacked and made those people’s lives miserable. Majority of the Europe and Western world were shunning Japan whereas Japan was surviving from trade with South-Asia, Central Asia and some East-Asian nations. There’s a deep resentment and humiliation most Japanese carry in there hearts when they see Westerners although they’re polite they won’t ever say it to your face that they dislike you, but in a way of tatemae. Deep in their hearts they really don’t consider you as empathetic type of human beings and have had quite some inner-circle local gossip going on for quite some years. Most high class Japanese people will not offer their children’s marriages to Westerners it’s a well known established fact – they live in Japan their ancestors are Japanese. They’re simply fulfilling their duties as patriotic Japanese citizens. To tell you the truth most parts of the world don’t have favorable views towards Westerners and I can I agree with there reasons as they have very good reasons. If you’re going to blame anyone, blame your ancestors for being total jerks toward other human beings. So don’t complain if they’re treating you as outsiders. I mean have you forgotten what the US did to the Japanese living in America when US was at war with Japan? They put them in interment camps – those so-called Japanese Americans were considered as outsiders. Your complaining is unnecessary, even if you claim to be an “expert” on Japan most locals would laugh it off. I mean there have been soo many Westerners being experts on other people’s cultures and local customs – some how you people think that you can just hop-in and become an “expert” over night. Your so-called experts on other nations have also resultantly sent America to a lot of wars and have been harbingers of murder of innocent humans world-wide. Next you’ll be experts on their dead corpses and make assumptions that a meteorite wiped them out. Hahaha.
Cape says
Pretty ridiculous take here. I’m not American and am usually the first person to defend Japan when it comes to the atrocities it faced near the end of the war but let’s take off our rose-tinted glasses. The Japanese imperial army was full of murderers, rapists, and savages, no different from those western forces you vilify. The atrocities they’ve committed in Korea, China, and south east Asia (which the government and uneducated fools continue to deny) are as bad and arguably worse than the internment camps that Japanese-Americans faced in the US. Let’s not forget as well that after being destroyed in the war, Japan owes almost all of its economic recovery to the United States who literally wrote Japan’s constitution and continued to support Japan militarily and economically through free access to US markets until the 1980s, where after American support ended, Japan has enjoyed nearly three decades of complete economic stagnation… Not to mention the pattern of Japanese heads of government constantly bowing their heads to their American counterpart, whether it was Nakasone and Reagan in the 80s or Abe and Trump now. At the end of the day, you just come off as an ignorant hypocrite, and I hope you realize your stupidity in pinning what a select group of individuals decided on 75 years ago to random foreigners in Japan today.
Kazu says
Cape your post makes no sense. First of all any military group can commit atrocities, why not list your own country’s military misadventures? Even after World War 2 there’s tons of them. Secondly, nuking civilian populations even after Japan insisted that they’ve surrendered, most locals were against the emperor’s warmongering, the royal family forced the Japanese civilians into war. Even now most Japanese people don’t have a favorable view towards them. Also please stop putting your nose where it doesn’t belong, Japan’s culture belongs to us, stop putting your nose into our matters. We don’t WANT any Westerners to tell us how it’s done, since it’s OUR culture NOT yours. Sure, some of the military men must of done somethings, in war there is confusion it’s to be expected. We will keep denying because it is anti-state propaganda, it’s clear that the Westerns want to blame Japan and justify their atrocities on Japanese people by nuking civilians. No I don’t need your lecture on history, since it’s coming from an American I rather not even speak to filth like you. The constitution written by the Americans is broken and deserves to be removed, free access to US markets? You talk as if you make up 99% of the world’s wealth. News flash, no you don’t. WE OWE NOTHING TO YOU, UNDERSTAND?! Don’t you dare spin this into a discussion where the US is the good guy, you know very well what you did to Japan. We Japanese patriots will make sure to teach you Americans a good lesson.
Tanaka says
↑ Wow, can people really be that dense in this day and age (yes, I’m looking at you Kazu-san)…
You are exactly the type of person that is hindering the growth of the world. Your narrow-mindedness is truly shocking. I doubt you ever even lived abroad…
And FYI, I’m half Japanese and grew up in Japan…the wrongs of Japan really become apparent when you step back and look at them from the third-person view. Something I doubt you’re brainwashed mind is capable of doing. I pray for you and your happiness.
では、宜しくお願い致します。
Rosaliz says
Oh, stop being hypocrite. We knew well what you did and crazy Emperor Meiji to Asian especially Malaysia and other Asian country. Your ancestors raped Chinese ancestors and other Asian country under pretense that you Japan would free them from Western Invasion. Your military under the order of old crazy and psychopath old Emperor ordered invasion to other Asian empire with stupid slogan and propaganda. Your military raped, tortured, maimed and jailed native Malay and native Asian tribe yet you wanted to defence your henious acts and war crimes. Why I know? I am Malaysian and I knew how terrible your military of that times did to my elderly and predessor. We didn’t hold grudge when we saw that Japan changed for the better and hardworking nations after you defeat in WW2. Your histories full of lunatic soldier who stop at nothing except proceeded it with bloody conquest. You were ignorant of your own country histories because of your denial of your past. Your histories are omitted and sugarcoated. There is nothing wrong about patriotic values but if that patriotic value threathen society or just like lunatic Daesh member who want to conquer the world with one-caliphate system then there is something wrong in someone mind. Western British and US aren’t good either and exploitation of native tribes during WW2 were despicable, but they did help native people to read, write and calculate. Your Imperial military soldier knew only intimidation and torture on how to deal with natives. From your past history, you were worst than animal. If you were to win WW2 you would be arrogant more than US, Russia, British and China combined together. You would plunge Western world into dark Age with your bloodthirsty revenge, there were always wars and no inventions. You would never taste the convenient of bullet train, smartphone, Ai. You learnt from your defeat and vowed to be better nations.I was proud of your nations but you shouldn’t forget it was lesson from the past made your better nation.
Tommi says
“We Japanese patriots will make sure to teach you Americans a good lesson.”
Just curious. How are you planning to do that?
“To tell you the truth most parts of the world don’t have favorable views towards Westerners and I can I agree with there reasons as they have very good reasons.”
The western part of the world is huge, and consists of many countries. Most of the westerners will never even visit your little island. Your opinion is totally worthless to most of us.
I wonder if you really are a Japanese…. When I was in Osaka for 6 weeks, not one single Japanese I talked to, could speak english that well. Usually they didn’t understand anything at all. Even thai people speak better english than the Japanese 😀
Daniela says
Hello! I am a 29 years old Italian lady and I cant agree with you more. I am living in a small city next to Hiroshima and It is very hard for a foreign living here.
I am here with a regular Visa, a job and I respect the rules since I came here doing but this doesn’t seems not enough.
I started to study Japanese since I was 18 ( 9 years now ) and I can say I can speak Japanese pretty good but people still dont accept me.
Doing basic things such as: shopping, talking with colleagues and going to the doctor it is hard sometimes.
It happened a lot of times while food shopping people came at me with the cart or looked at me with disgusted faces or the doctor told ( for a simple health problem ) go back to your country you will feel better.
This happend to my Italian collegues as well.
The most painful thing is when people ( especially collegues ) ask how long I will stay in Japan and when I will go away ( knowing already there is not limit for me).
Once even happen at a party a person asked me why I was in Japan and If I was working regulary or I was working irregulary in Japan.
I spent 10+ years of my life dedicating my life choices always thinking about Japan in each country I was moving for work and defending it expecially in front of my asian friends.
Now I feel very sad and I will leave Japan in 2 months thinking that all was in my head.
Grace Lee says
Hey Silva, I stumbled on your blog while researching for a Yamaguchi itinerary – top notch!
Got to read your post on life teaching and living in Japan. That must have been so hard! I was in Tokyo when the earthquake and tsunami happened and thanks to my church and community, talking about it with others was so helpful. Looks like it was a growing pains experience which has shaped you to who you are today. I’m so glad!
Jim says
@Danilea,
I have experience working with Italians, they are a very beautiful people. Unfortunately, I hear that the job situation in your country is not so good. Japan is falsely promoted as the country of choice sometimes, but it nothing could be further from the truth. I experience these micro aggression’s everyday. Sometimes told not to do this or that, then go back to the same place, different excuse, same harassment. Its just an indirect way of saying go away. Passive aggressive Yes means No crap is rampant. I hate the place. Thanks for your share.
Matt S. says
So true. The Japanese society is a society where micro aggressions are the norm.
Harold says
“News flash, no you don’t. WE OWE NOTHING TO YOU, UNDERSTAND?! Don’t you dare spin this into a discussion where the US is the good guy, you know very well what you did to Japan. We Japanese patriots will make sure to teach you Americans a good lesson.”
Ha! Thats so considerate of you. Actually you owe everything to the US, from the opening of the port in Yokohama by Comodore Perry, to your defeat and economic miracle to your democracy as you know it today. As your demographic ages, you will continue to rely on US markets as well as China. Sorry dude, days of independence are long gone for you. As far as what the US did to Japan, sorry, no tears of sorrow and pity from me. Im actually quite grateful of their sacrifices. Had you won the war, you would of erased any vestige of the English language, just like you did in Singapore and other exploits, and changed every plant mountain street city etc into some ridiculous Japanese version. Did the US do that to you? Did they make English the offical language of Japan? Any beheadings of Japanese POWs? Was your emperor tried for war crimes? Seems you got off quite easily, you even have an Army and Navy now, even though the constitution the US wrote for you and the one you hate, prohibits it. You can hate me all you want, but the rest of the world is moving ahead. I suggest you do the same. Coulda woulda shoulda days are long gone dude. Stop living in the past. Youll never be in a position to teach the US anything. You can only copy and change our technology because you have no imagination. Change yourself instead of blaming the world for your own short comings.
Hartgers says
I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Robinson.buckler for bringing back my Wife who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Robinson.buckler. I pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email address: robinsonbuckler@ hotmail. com he is very powerful …
Japansucks says
Hey JP,
Do you know Japan exports a bunch of crime to neighboring countries thanks to the Yakuza? Your criminals infest Hawaii and some coastal cities to cause trouble. Of course you’re ignorant of this because you’re a narcissistic idiot.
Ari A. says
Hi there. I still live in Japan even after 6 years. I moved from a small town to the city so I managed to stay sane. It’s true that a lot of foreigners in Japan are not really happy to be here. Sadly, I understand what you mean when you said the Japanese believe their language is so unique and difficult to learn that they would talk about you as if you aren’t there and can’t understand. (Which of course I do, about 80% of the time.) It sucks but I haven’t found my “where to next” location, so I’m still here.
On a more cheery note, I’m visiting Norway mid of August. Hope to bump into you there!
Your post and recommendations are such good help! I got my ticket to Norway, knowing nothing about the country. I have no idea what to do and now I have a little over a week to basically plan my stay! Any recommendations for a local experience? (Food, entertainment, hangouts, little gems in the city of Oslo, etc)
I’m not a big fan of the touristy places and prefer to enjoy what locals enjoy.
Thanks in advance!!!
Zapan says
It is important to be aware that Japan is getting polluted by Fukushima nuclear disaster in 2011.
After the nuclear disaster, Fukushima has been a very dangerous place to live in and the nuclear waste is expanding nearby slowly and slowly.
My opinion is that Japan is not a safe place to move in.
I recommend not to visit Japan either.
Japan is not fascinating place as before.
Elia says
I lived in Japan between 1995-1998. Somewhat random and accidental how I ended up there. Pre-internet days and was completely clueless.I heard it said that foreigners go through a cycle of shock-hate-complacency, sometimes on a daily basis. I had a crazy first month of a homestay where I was was psychologically abused, not letting me shower in August, making me sleep on the floor (they all slept in western beds) and said to me “you dirty sleep on floor”, constantly changing the conditions, getting angry at me for crying in front of an American friend of the daughter, angry at me for not being able to speak Japanese even though I had only been there for a few days, too stressed to eat. This went way beyond cultural differences. They thought they owned me and told me that I had the choice of staying with them or returning to my home country. I told them I was going to Tokyo. They reluctantly agreed to let me go for a week, made me sign a document that I would return after a week and told me that I had to call them every day, and I had to leave most of my luggage with them. Arrived at Tokyo station at 5am, slept on the grass with the tramps, and thank Gd, found work on my first day. I learnt enough Japanese to be functional in daily life. As I woman I found rampant mysogeny, that was deeply rooted in the language and mentality. A Chinese friend who spoke fluent Japanese and looks-wise could pass for being Japanese was jealous of me, the cute foreigner, who could get away with murder whilst she had to comply with the strict etiquette required of Japanese women, although she had grown up in China and was not Japanese culturally. (In the end she left Japan for Europe, which btw is also common amongst educated Japanese women who leave for the West for their career advancement). Things are never what they seem. For example, they have laws to protect pregnant women at work, and what actually happens is that the women are forced to do the prohibited work and are not paid for it, so there is no record of the company breaking the law. That is so Japan. Once I figured how things work there, more or less, I focused on making money, enjoying myself and experiencing the culture but not trying to become one of them. I learnt martial arts in an all Japanese dojo and worked with Japanese people, quite happy with my gaijin status. As long as I was not at the mercy of someone (aka homestay, or at work) I met many very nice Japanese people. They are unassuming, humble and like to have fun, but also quite closed, and never make the mistake of giving a Japanese friend a farewell hug, and in public. Big faux pas.
I also met many Japanese people who told me, in English (which for them is not just another language, but an escape from their strict social rules, in which they can say things they would never express in Japanese) how unhappy and stuck they are in their lives. Women stuck in marriages because of the stigma of divorce, men stuck in jobs they can’t leave as there is little career mobility after one’s first position, men forced by their companies to travel long distances and their wives won’t move because if the child changes school it will suffer stigma. The people I liked the most were the little children and the old ladies who were so sweet. Just think what they’ve been through in their lives, the wars and the pervasive sexism.
As for people looking at the foreigner, it was usually women doing the looking, and benign. Look at the cute foreigner. That didn’t bother me at all. An Indian friend joined me in Japan and then we were quite the attraction, both of us petite and cute. It was a laugh.
People who are fascinated with Japanese culture, without having experienced it, are a little like the Japanese who have a national love affair with Beatrix Potter. That’s nice but it has nothing to do with life in the UK.
For me that was all a long time ago, and I’m not really sure how I ended up on this website, but it certainly brought back a lot of memories. I worked hard, had a lot of fun times, and now the sting of the less pleasant experiences has faded with the passage of time. However, with the benefit of hindsight I would not choose to spend nearly three years of my life in Japan.
“There’s life here Scotty but not as we know it”.
Evelyn says
I moved to Japan in late 2014. I definitely don’t like the earthquakes or the threat of NK on Japan or the ongoing trade war with SK. I don’t like that I can’t seem to advance my career beyond 200,000 yen a month even though I’m certified in my field, an N2 speaker, and graduated from a good school because I’m “married and might leave work to have babies soon”. They basically keep me down so that I will go “well, I can work up to 120,000 a month tax free and part time while raising kids so I may as well just be a mom.” That’s women’s destiny in Japan. If you are female, don’t stay here for a career. Work for a few years and get out. If you want to be a SAHM or part time worker and have REALLY conservative values and want the men to lead for you, then staying might be alright. Note that while usually one of the perks of being a Japanese wife is handling the finances and having complete control over the household budget, because I am the foreign partner, my husband insists on managing his paycheck and mine, so even though my paycheck is small, I am packing and eating my own bento and I get an “allowance” of 20,000 yen per month, but some of that gets spent on groceries, so I never go out or do anything. I just come home from work and cook, clean, study Japanese, and sit online. Once we have kids that will be my main role. If this sounds great to you, go for it.
Eriko says
As someone who’s part Japanese, I see so many westerners/foreigners who have a starry eyed look on their faces whenever they talk about Japan. They talk about how wonderful it is, how beautiful the culture is, the food, etc., not knowing the dark side of the country. Despite looking Japanese, they would call me “haafu” and look at me like I’m some kind of different species (like you mentioned). I know I get comments from my Japanese relatives when I do things that’s not “Japanese-like”. The unsaid demeaning comments when I go out of social normals, their look of disapproval hidden behind that ever polite smile of theirs. Don’t even get me started on how they treat women both socially and at work.
I always tell people that Japan is a beautiful country to visit. Living there, though? Wouldn’t bet on it unless you have a strong will.
LaShawn says
I don’t think anyone can really blame you for not wanting to live in Japan again after experiencing the earthquake and tsunami that hit in 2011. I moved to Tochigi a month after it happened, and the country was still experiencing a lot of aftershocks. Those alone were enough to scare me, and keep me awake at night. I wouldn’t want to drive for 40 minutes along the ocean either right after that happened.
Shawn says
Every relationship I have been in Japan has always ended with “you dont understand Japanese heart” They would do horrible things to me, just rude as hell, and I would check them on it, and it was always “you cant understand us Japanese” I was like, stop hijacking the real issue with that mickey mouse shit and be direct, Im tired of hearing “you dont understand us Japanese” crap. They some weird people, not advised to live there.
Johnathan says
” (which for them is not just another language, but an escape from their strict social rules, in which they can say things they would never express in Japanese) how unhappy and stuck they are in their lives. Women stuck in marriages because of the stigma of divorce,”
This is very true. Beware of these women, some of them throw themselves at foreigners, thinking foreigners can show them “real” love. They are in marriages that they cant get out of, and they dont/cant work, so they are kind of trapped. To cope, they have love affairs, but its not really love, just escapes. Its actually quite common in Japan. Know what your getting yourself into.
Mark says
Japan is very unimportant country in the future.
There is no point living in such a useless country.
Look at Japan. Japan is pollited with Fikushima radiation.
Every year earthquakes and typhoons destroys villages in Japan.
Japan is just a stupid island will be faded away soon.
C J says
I totally feel you on this. I too have very much complicated relationship with Japan. For one year I struggled to fit in and be a member of the community but realize its not worth the effort. They don’t treat us, Foreigners as part of them.( on top, my dark skin makes matters worse )
country also has no system that enable fair acceptance & integration for foreign people to the community,although the government talk so much about bringing foreign labor in to Japan to create a diverse workforce and a community ..
Japan is a beautiful country but I am not sure whether foreigners have any potential here..
Rick says
The main problem with Japan is not the weather (even though the winter can be hell) the disasters, the work. Its the people. They are strange, infactuated with anything foreign but never accepting of foreigners. Its draining to live in such a place where your stared at, gossiped about openly, weird reactions when shopping. Its a kind of hell.
Fred B says
A foreigner frustrated that Japan doesn’t bend to the western norms?.. not surprised. When you move to a country you are not from you should accept it as it is. I find most westerners can’t do that. they have a sense of entitlement.
Shena says
@Fred
Ive noticed in Japan that people like you come with many gaijin criticisms but once you see and feel what the rest of us “complain” about, your the first to run. Its like you built up this big image that the rest of us are spoiled and your that special one, but when the Japanese come for you, your like “this sucks” and make a run for it because you dont want to make a bigger fool of yourself. You already have shown yourself to be ignorant of the culture, but you bring the disconnect but soon realize, “uh oh, this aint working” Its really interesting thing to observe but your kind is always the first to fall..
Joe says
Good read
Village Walk Yakushima says
Very interesting read. I believe Japanese way of communication is very complicated and not the most transparent. I believe how you felt really reflects your efforts to fit in.
Putrid says
Nice read, thanks for sharing.
I am thinking of moving to Southern Japan for fun, is the southern area fun or would you recommend Osaka?
Sam says
Nowadays, more and more people leave Japan due to side effect from Fukushima radiation.
Water and air from Japan is getting more and more polluted to radiation from Fukushima and many people have decided to leave Japan.
Moving to Japan is totally a foolish thing to do, so I recommend to give up your plan of visiting or immigrating to Japan.
Wanda says
It’s funny read your comments about feeling like an outsider in Japan. As an African-American sometimes that’s how it feels to live in America, especially if you go to college, work in corporate America, or engage in any activity that is not specific to your race. The sad part is that African Americans ARE Americans who don’t feel at home at home. Also depending on where we travel we quickly recognized the degree to which American racism has been exported throughout the world. That being said, with an open mind, you realize people are more the same than you might want to think.
Mike says
@Wanda
Have to disagree. Having experienced discrimination in Japan, im very sensitive to the issue, however AA do not experience anything near to the discrimination foreigners experience in Japan. There are cities in the US where the mayor, police chief, fire chief, practically any administration is headed by AA. There is no such thing in Japan. There are also many programs, even in prisons, that help AA get jobs. I seen it in the military also. In the US, agreed, there are cities and states that are predominately white, and you would feel as on outsider there, and without doubt or reservation, I can say many of those whites are overtly or covertly racist. The difference you make with Japan, however, is that you can move. Atlanta and New Orleans are predominately black now. You cant do that in Japan. Anywhere and everywhere is Japanese. The system is for them, not outsiders and no effort is made to change that. AA have contributed to, and are a part of US history. Foreigners are not part of Japans history. Yes, they contributed to the development of some cities, but are hardly ever recognized. Just look at the mixed girl who was Miss Japan, and the discrimination she went through.
Anonymous M says
I lived and worked in Japan as an English Teacher for over twelve months. I married a Japanese lady in my home town and soon divorced. Leaving me lost and bewildered. I truly enjoyed my experience with the people, they seemed kind and assisting however, no one talks about the re entry and the sociol adjustment needed upon returning after being an expat. It definitely did broaden my mind and am now a open minded person. The food, culture and selfless perceptions without too much of an ego, compared to the Western ideal, leaves me wondering.
Curious Owl says
I’m about a year late to this post but I get it. I’ve never lived in one place for more than 6 years my whole life so I’ve had the time to really settle in to the countries I’ve lived in. This ambiguity is really a consequence of seeing the whole picture, not just the postcards you send to friends when you’re on vacation. It happens in every country in different ways and it’s what gives you perspective in the long run. In my opinion, it’s what makes travelling worth it. At the end of the day we’re all human and we all have our issues, and that’s ok.
Souq4us.Com says
When you read my posts about my time in Japan, you would think I had an absolute blast, and I did. I would absolutely love to (and probably will) go back to Japan, but only as a tourist. There are many things that I love and miss about Japan, and whenever I talk to friends and family about Japan, I tell them how absolutely amazing it is. I just don t think I could ever permanently live there. There are a lot of pros and cons about living in Japan as an American woman, and for me, the cons outweighed the pros.
Tony Baria says
Hello,
I read your story and I agree a lot with what you had to say. I was there as a military brat back in the 70s and I really loved it there. I know I loved it more than it loved me. I’m Phillipino and I never really felt respected. I always felt they looked down on me even if at the time I didn’t know that emotion. I felt they really only liked White Americans. But after reading your article maybe not? Now all these years later with facebook I have been able to reconnect with old friends from Japan and I still got that feeling all over again. They are like the Vulcans of Earth lol acting superior in every way. I get it they seem to have a stronger sence of loyalty and honesty and integrity than any other nationality. I still miss those days there but I would never go back. Easier to watch some videos lol. Guam by far was the friendliest place I have ever been as a brat. Anyway I would love to hear your feedback on my letter.
God Bless, Tony Baria
Nac says
Indeed, there is nothing to benefit from Japan.
There is definitely nothing to learn from Japan.
It is definitely meaningless to spend time and money in Japan.
Who Me says
I have traveled far and wide. Everywhere I go, I see discrimination occurring.
Japanese discriminate against other Japanese, why should they act differently with non-Japanese?
French discriminate toward anyone who can’t speak French.
Chinese discriminate against non Hans, even though the person is Chinese.
Blacks discriminate among blacks, why should they act differently with non-blacks?
People who complain loud and strongly about discrimination often discriminate toward others as well!
Are they so insensitive of their own actions which prevents empathy? To place themselves in the other persons moccasins?
Is it “Me, Me, Me?” or is it “You, You, You?” or is it “We, We, We?”
It would be wise for people to search the Internet with “Why do people discriminate against others?”
Kinsley Allton says
Thank you so much for sharing this helpful blog.
Ed says
Woah. Reading this was a blast from the past.
I lived in Japan for 8.5 years from 2010-2019. I feel like I can look back at it now as a chapter of my life that has pretty much closed. I had a lot of fun there and a lot of misery.
I moved to Tokyo with my girlfriend age 20 right after graduation. I still remember just how dazed and uh, confused I was by everything. The masses of people! The neon lights. The game centers and the themed restaurants and the button ordering drinks and vending machines everywhere and convenience stores. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. Nothing felt real to me. It was honestly thrilling to be on such an adventure, especially because I’m an introvert by nature. To go out and have an adventure like that, which is so against my disposition, felt like I was a machine going against my own wiring.
I started teaching English and at first I honestly didn’t care about not having any career prospects or the idea that I could get stuck in this profession. I didn’t have any plans or any goals, so this at least felt like SOMETHING and it was a pretty cool thing to have. Yeah, the days were long and tiring. But I really wanted to LIVE LIFE those first few years. I didn’t care about doing all nighters in my work clothes or going out literally every day of the week. It was like university part 2.0.
I did so much stuff. I studied Japanese with this excitement that as long as I knew this language I’d be like them! I really admired Japanese people. They had a dignity to them. I wanted to get away from myself by maybe not becoming Japanese but by ingratiating myself to the point the old me was dead and gone. But I didn’t quite realise yet that I’d lose a lot more of myself than I thought by trying to do this. What I really had in these early years was an earnest love for the place and the people and a strong belief it was vastly superior to where I’d come from.
I would say this feeling started to go away after about 3 years. I think when I started to see other people moving on with their lives as well as realising that in life, you don’t just make one big decision and pat yourself on the back forever. Life is a series of challenges. I was too smug about the fact I’d made it to Japan, yet I was not continually setting additional challenges. I realised I had no goals for the future. I figured I’d probably just stay in Tokyo. But it was starting to lose it’s appeal. The long drunken nights that once seemed crazy and fun felt desperate and repetitive. Avoidant and sad.
Then around the 5 year mark my 3 closest friends (inlcuding my ex-girlfriend who I’d moved with but was still seeing on and off) all left at the same time. This really messed me up psychologically. At the same time, I got a decent job at a University in Tokyo and I was staying just for that. But for the first time, I felt an intuitive feeling in my chest that I did not belong here and I should leave. I ignored this feeling however.I knuckled down and tried my best to study Japanese completely against voices in my head telling myself I didn’t want to learn this language really. Nobody wanted to talk to me in Japanese anyway and I had to leave. I was really warring with myself.
It all led to a load of drinking alone and getting into counselling and therapy. After 3.5 years of moaning about my little life in Japan, I finally got the courage to take the risk to leave it all behind.
I moved to Canada and so at age 30 I was on a working holiday for the second time. I have to admit, there was something a bit sad about this. You know, meeting young expats, living in shared houses, working in a really tough school even harder than the jobs I’d had in Japan. It felt like I’d taken a big step back in so many ways.
Sometimes I think to myself, ‘you know, your life was better in Japan.’ But really, it was just easier. I was ignored and I got comfortable being alone. What started out as a big adventure turned out to be a massive retreat into myself. As hard as leaving was, at least it was an attempt to break out and try a different way of life and even though it somewhat failed the attempt is what’s important not always the results.
So yeah that’s my two cents on that. I feel like I could type about this forever. Thank you for triggering my memories and emotions during this depressing lockdown. Self-isolation was basically my last few years in Japan so in a way it trained me for this!
Bret says
Yo. Im thinking of moving to japan. Not to be a teacher but to do other stuff. Youve helped me emensly to make my decision. Thanks.
CHRIS says
After reading so many comments back from 2014. This really took me back in time when the JET program was a decent way to get into japan. Nowadays it feels like a waste of tax payers money and a trap for young unexperienced japanophiles. Do japanese need to learn english? Do they even use it beside being a “novelty” factor? The answer is a plain and simple No. There is no need for a japanese to learn english unless he requires it for academic purpose or work. The same logic applies in the rest of non english countries. If you think for a minute here most countries that teach english is because english is a sought as a skill for any profession which often means a better salary and better chances of nailing a better job. In japan you don’t need the same mentality of a third world country… they can live fine with japanese (if thats what they want) personally I can speak english, spanish, basic japanese and some french. This is because I enjoy traveling and i’m not one of those ignorants that expect the world to accommodate to my needs.
What I don’t understand is the amount of bitterness around here. Why did you come to japan expecting it to be disney world for foreigners? Or expecting it to be similar to your home country? Why should they change so you can feel more comfortable? One of the things that I find hillarious is how americans complain about everything. Ive met americans that travel with canadian flags because it makes people more welcoming to them. The big issue with japan is that foreigners see it as a miracle country that fixes everything wrong with their lives. You could go read japanlife in reddit just to see how dysfunctional or unhappy most people are and instead of leaving and just pursuing a life goal they sit there begging for japan to change to cater their needs.
No country is perfect but I don’t go around telling the french how fucking disgusting their country is. Out of all of europe the place where I’ve felt the most unsafe is paris. The whole city is just a huge tourist scam paradise. While it has some nice places to visit the people there act like fucking asaholes when you don’t speak french to them or worse if you try to speak english with them.
Japan is fine being japan. It doesn’t need to change because you feel it isn’t right. The people there will change overtime according to their own social needs and the feeling that “westerners” want to change their society is also growing (which is funny seeing how many activists there are not even japanese).
Don’t come to japan if you feel your life in your own country is not right, the switch will just make your life worse. Don’t come to japan if you have issues dealing with loneliness or feel you won’t be able to handle the fact that some will treat you more like a “novelty” item rather than a friend. That said if you actually have a sight on your life goals you will do fine here. Don’t come here to teach english (unless you very experienced) but come here as a professional in the area you specialized into.
john w johnson says
Hi Silvia: i love the internet! i started this morning reading an investment analysis that was talking about a Dutch company that has developed a coffin made out of fungus. Your body decays in about 12 to 24 months instead of 10 years, and you can have seeds in there with you so you grow in to a plant or a tree 🙂 (reminds me of the Ender’s Game trilogy).
Anyway, going from one idea to another on Google i ended up here with you, on a post that is 4 years old!
I am a digital nomad, i was expecting to be traveling the world for 2 years, instead i’m stuck in Portland Oregon, my home base.
I’m also a dancer and have been studying and performing Butoh for over 25 years. That’s my sweet spot for traveling, ie, having an interest that is shared by people where i am traveling to so we already have a common bond.
I love James Clavell’s books, i’m sure many of your readers are familiar with his work.
One thing that rings true that we don’t realize is their history, ie, evangelists coming from America and other places trying to convert them and change them.
They forbade any translations back then, they pretty much wanted to keep out the rest of the world.
I’m also a swimmer and body surfer, i love the ocean, so seeing the beaches of Tanegashima was inspiring and something i hope to see some day.
i love your writing style, i look forward to reading more of your current writings.My Grandfather came over from Norway, unfortunately i don’t know where he lived there, but the Scandinavian countries seem so much more advanced than the states, i think we are at the end of our reign as the big Kahunas.
StrangeDreams says
you cannot learn or experience Japan from a book. Its a very complex culture thats difficult to explain to somebody who has never lived there. Ive seen people who had studied it, then tried to immerse themselves in it, only to find out, there were missing pieces in what they had learned.
Example:
There are many stigmas and stereotypes in Japan, probably the biggest one is the perception of the foreigner or gaijin. I have concluded that there are 2 types of gaijin; the fresh gaijin who is very expressive in their native language and through behaviors that are otherwise suppressed in Japan, then there is the longer resident gaijin, who, has a certain look/feel, often tired and haggard look, and through intuition, Japanese are very keen on recognizing. The reason being is that they are interested as to why this gaijin has joined their struggle, and enjoy observing that gaijins pain. Through unspoken mannerisms and behaviors, these long resident gaijin will eventually be transparent; you cant be that fresh newbie gaijin forever. Then everything changes, and Japanese look down on you. It seems counter intuitive, because the books might teach us that being married and fluent in japanese would award you with praises and admiration, but instead, your met with disappointment.
Unless you live in some kind of employment bubble where you are not required to endure the struggles of the caste system that most Japanese endure, you will eventually have to face these challenges.
nomad says
First of all, let’s consider how many non-Japanese there are in Japan.
There are 125 million Japanese and 2.88 million foreign nationals, which is 2% of the total.
Of these, 80% are from East and Southeast Asia, and the remaining 20% are from other regions. (Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications data as of January 1, 2020)
Non-Asians who are thinking of coming to Japan should first consider themselves as outsiders.
No matter how fluent you are, your appearance will not change.
Just as a non-black person in Africa will attract attention, a non-Asian person in Asia will almost always stand out.
This is different from the environment in countries like the U.S., where the population is made up of many nationalities.
Tokyo and Osaka are becoming more globalized with more foreigners than in the past, but other prefectures are not.
In addition, in the countryside, which is far away from the normal urban areas, foreigners themselves are very rare and some may be new to the area.
Tokyo is chaotic for better or worse, Osaka is friendly, Kyoto people look down on all people (including Japanese).
In Okinawa, Sasebo, Iwakuni, etc., where there are US military bases, foreign cultures have always taken root in the area, and the environment is very different.
In the countryside, there are a lot of elderly people who still have analog knowledge, unlike the young people who get their information from the Internet.
With all this in mind, it is impossible to distinguish between a tourist and a worker just by appearance and gestures, and it is natural that you will always be seen as a tourist or a rarity.
Even if you speak very fluently and have a JLPT/N1, it doesn’t mean you know everything about the culture and background.
In addition, there may be many differences in dialects and customs from place to place.
If you are not a local, these things can happen in any country.
There is also discrimination, but I have seen many people accuse others of discrimination based on cultural ignorance.
When a person sees a person with a different skin color for the first time, he or she may ask, “Why is your skin color different? It is a natural thing to ask, to touch, to show interest. It is not discrimination.
If you have a residence card, it usually takes less than a few minutes to question a foreigner. Let’s give it out honestly.
If you are asked repeatedly, you may be in an area where there are many crimes committed by foreigners. Be friendly and remember faces.
The rules for foreigners have become stricter when it comes to cell phones and apartment contracts, as many foreigners have returned to their home countries due to the noise and disruption of communication in the area.
Before calling it discrimination, let’s look into the cultural background. It was some foreigners who broke the rules.
Forget what you think is common sense about discrimination. Do not impose your ideas. Before you think of discrimination, think about what happened behind the scenes. This is not your country.
I understand all of this, and there is real discrimination, and in those cases you should speak up, but in most cases you will find cultural factors and differences in values.
In Japan, there is a proverb that says, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
When you go to another country, first of all, you should accept everything. Act the same way. Don’t ask them to do things for you, but change yourself. Adapt to it.
If you want to argue, you can only do so if you are accepted.
Why do you insist and impose your opinion outside your own country?
I would ask: “Did you come to that country to make it a better place for you to live?
If you want to complain before being accepted, you should leave.
I think this applies to all countries.
Every country has bullying and discrimination, and before you dismiss a country because of a few, why don’t you Google to see if there is anything similar in the treatment and experience of Asians, blacks, or whites in your country?
And don’t confuse that country with the country that doesn’t suit you, because that’s a different story.
Every country has its good and bad sides, so weigh them.
No country is perfect.
You are free. You are free to venture anywhere and spend your time wherever you want!
PS. This is all translation, so I apologize if there are any mistakes.
thoughtsandprayers says
@Nomad,
I would have to disagree with most of your posting. You make it sound so simple….and only if it were that simple we would all find the answers..Your posting is the kind of feel good generic knee jerk reply I often find when reading about Japan.
Japan practiced self isolation for 400 years…look it up and try to use your imagination. Imagine what they must of thought of outsiders during that time. Those thoughts and behaviors have carried over into this era, and its deeply ingrained in their psyche that foreigners are outsiders, and to be treated as such. A kind of curiosity, sometimes a sick obsession and many distorted views about us.
Recently, having a break near a smoking area, 2 Japanese company employees decided to park themselves in front of me, and were talking about me in Japanese, like I wasnt even there, unaware that I could understand everything they were saying. All of it derogatory but its par the course for Japan.
It is what it is, and the sooner you understand and accept this, the more apt you will be to deal with it.
Tom Gibb says
Hello there Silvia
My name is Tom Gibb and I was privileged enough to be a fellow contributor to the Camphor Press “Inaka” collection that was published last year.
I came to your site with the intention of reading all of the posts about Japan, but have ended up getting sidetracked by – and thoroughly absorbed in – your advice about blogging. Lots of really interesting and useful advice there, so thank you!
Incidentally, some trivia that you may not be aware of: the sculpture of an egg with an Elvis hairstyle in the Art Islands post was created in honour of a famous comedian/celebrity called Miyazon, who visited the island with the TV show “Itte Q.”
But anyway, I’m just leaving a comment to say hi, tell you that I really enjoyed your “Inaka” chapter, and wish you continued success with your travelling, blogging, affiliated linking, search engine optimisationing, etc.
All the best and I hope the whole COVID situation hasn’t been too unkind to you, your work, or your family and friends.
Tom Gibb
Ben Evolent says
Silvia,
I really enjoyed your article! And it helped clarify a feeling I have been trying to figure out, if I would like to visit Japan after decades of eating at sushi bars. The feeling I could not figure sometimes was, am I being treated with respect or just being patronized. You see, I really like fresh,raw, sashimi grade squid (ika). It’s something you just don’t find at your local supermarket in the US. Unless maybe you’re in Monterey CA. One evening at a small ‘hole in the wall’ one man sushi bar that I have been eating at for years but only making small conversation with the chef that didn’t seem to speak too much English I asked, where do you get fresh, sashimi grade ika? He politely smiled and replied with one word… “Ocean” End of that conversation.
I have never asked a sushi chef a question about any fish ever again.
Yes, he was polite but it sure felt like what you said… “Yes! Take the day off!” lol
Also what was said about “when in Rome…” I totally agree with! I live in California and I found another little neighborhood one man sushi bar where I now live and was surprised to see a neighbor from where I used to live about 20 miles away. She is Japanese from Japan and a real sweetheart! And her husband who is Caucasian from CA. As this was my first time there, they both looked at me and said he is VERY traditional. I know that this meant… Point at what you want in the case. Or ask if you know and you see it and specify sushi or sashimi. And under NO circumstance ask for any type of designer,fusion roll without taking the risk of being ejected! LOL!
As far as visiting Japan? It’s on my ‘Bucket’ list. I’ve always been a big fan of Japanese art, architecture, landscaping and the Japanese pursuit of excellence in all things including education!
Thanks for the article Silvia!
Arche says
Wow that was so intense. Yet, fact
Yumiko says
Its purely a culture thing I was born and raised in Nihon and 100% Nihonjin I learned English by going to highschool in Hawaii (which is one of the several non Caucasian states in the US Asians are Hawaii’s ethnic majority as well as the planet) as we have a sister school there along with family and friends btw who are all are nihonjin or 1-3 generation Japanese Americans and Hawaii has a lot of Japanese so it feels like Nihon and hence why non nihonjin almost get the same treatment in Hawaii as if they were in Nihon . Also finished up my English at university back in Nihon as well.
So I am fluent as is my husband is also an ex Japanese American we live Shizuoka we both are commercial pilots and work for 2 airlines because they don’t allow married couples to work for the same airline etc. I met my husband when he flew for Hawaiian Airlines during a joint training program.
Anyway your story mirrors almost all of the gaijins I knew or heard about most if not all foreigners ONLY live in the Tokyo areas which is the least Japanese part of Nihon most nihonjin have not even been to Tokyo its like New York, London or Bejing a huge expensive tourist ,Government and business area nice place to visit but not to live in fact I hate going there.
99% of foreigners who come to here to live either are married to a citizen and live in a bubble (where either the nihonjin wife or husband does everything) or work as very sub par English teachers or club hosts etc NO real career jobs is my point.
Pardon the rant as just stumbled on this blog. But you have to be Japanese to understand Japanese and it does NOT matter if where you live most (not all of course) all Japanese people around the world are all the same, same religion, customs, morals, culture or whatever.
If you were a Nihonjin no matter where you were born you would fit in no problem its no secret that outside the tourist areas many nihonjin dislike gaijins especially Caucasians as many are rude, loud and just disrespectful but not only here in Nihon I hear that from Germans,French or the EU and other Asian countries.
This goes for any country sorry you or for any that don’t like it here but now you know how a foreigner or gaijin in the US or UK etc feels. its the same thing culture differences nothing more. Lastly do not want to get political but many here in Nihon want the US military out of Okinawa where the majority of bases are and btw do most of you know that Okinawa is NOT Japanese? They have a totally different culture and language Nihon just took them over like the US with Gaum same thing. In fact Okinawa wants out of Japan as well.
Reeves says
Although Yumiko’s reply seems rather aggressive in tone, there are some points that either make sense and are correct, or sound like they make sense but deserve rebuttal.
Firstly, her point about “no real career jobs” has some substance. There is often an assumption, which is often correct in practice, that a foreigner working in Japan is an English teacher. Together with this is an implicit assumption that they are in Japan because of who they are, not anything particular about their individual skills.
This point is important as social status is important. What Yumiko suggests is that foreigners are treated as if they have low social status because, on average, they do indeed have low social status (i.e. it is a rational operation of a stereotype). This is no doubt at least partially true, although for the more nationalistic types it is certainly mixed in with ideas of foreigners having low status just because they are foreigners.
I have seen this last point in action when I meet people and at some point tell them my position (a prestigious job here in Japan). Immediately their treatment of me improves when I do this. Their perception of my position in society immediately jumps a lot. In some people I see a confusion – a foreigner (low status) has this job (high status) and I observe a struggle in their minds to reconcile this fact.
Second, a small rebuttal. Yumiko says that “you have to be Japanese to understand Japanese”. This is obviously wrong except for some vague spiritual sense. One might as well say that Alexis de Tocqueville didn’t understand America! Sometimes things are easier to understand as an outsider. From the outside you can often see things that are not easily noticed from the inside.
In addition to this point, the assertion that “If you were a Nihonjin no matter where you were born you would fit in no problem” is clearly wrong as South American ethnic Japanese have great problems fitting in.
Finally, the assertion that things are the same everywhere is clearly wrong. The statement “now you know how a foreigner or gaijin in the US or UK etc feels”. Really? In London there would be zero assumption that you were a foreigner based simply on how you looked. I studied in London and people would judge whether or not you were British from your voice rather than your appearance. This is clearly a significant difference. No matter how you look in London, you will not be treated as an alien based simply on your appearance. In contrast, in Japan, even half-ethnic Japanese, born and raised in Japan, seem to be frequently treated as exotica.
Note, I am not saying that the above is bad. But it is clearly a huge difference.
Blake says
1. Caucasian is an outdated term that actually was invented in a university in Germany in the late 1700’s as part of this theory that the people of Earth are composed of 3 groups or races: Mongoloids, Negroids, and Caucasoids which is complete garbage as we know today.
2. Hawaii is the one and only state in the United States with it’s largest population being non-white. I don’t know why you needed to point out that Hawaii was one of many non-white majority states, but that’s just not correct just so you know.
3. People with white skin living in France, Germany, and the EU are also caucasians…you seem to be mixing up ‘American’ and ‘caucasian’ as if they are the same thing. As I explained above, that’s not the case.
4. Japanese business culture is very weird to foreigners and you’re just not going to get many that come to Japan because they both have a strong enough desire to live there and to work for a company that makes them perform group exercises in the morning nor participate in this world where people compete to appear more dedicated to their employer even if they’re sitting at their desk doing absolutely nothing because they want to appear that they’re more dedicated than the guy that just left to go home. I may be wrong, but everything I’ve read makes the traditional Japanese job market very unappealing to outsiders. You’re more likely to get foreigners starting their own businesses or in various non-traditional jobs instead of the more traditional good careers you describe.
5. Uhhh, I highly doubt that the feeling of being a foreigner living in Japan feels just like being a foreigner living in the US, UK, etc. The United States is almost completely composed of various groups of foreigners and there are large communities of foreigners of all kinds almost in various areas of the United States. Hell, there’s an area in Minnesota that’s known to have a large community of people from Somalia. One of those Americans from Somalia is now a representative in our federal government. We just call them Americans once they adapt to the culture after having lived here for a while, especially if they came here when they were young and don’t have an accent of any kind. Nobody would question if they were American or not because anyone can be American. That’s kind of our thing.
6. Yes, we are well aware that many Japanese would like America’s military out of Japan. There are many who would like them to stay, especially with China growing more and more bold with their actions. There are also many many many Americans that would love for us to not have any military bases in Japan, nor anywhere else outside of the United States.
7. The majority of Japan favors US military presence there. I have no idea why you felt the need to bring this up. There are many Americans who would also like the U.S. military to not be there, though. Not Japan in particular, but many just want to not have our military all over the earth because we spend much too much money on this and not enough on our own people. Japan’s taking over of Okinawa is absolutely not the same thing as the United States with Guam, other than both being land that once didn’t belong to them that later did belong to them. The stories of how this happened in both places are not remotely similar.
8. You come off as having quite the strong desire to make the United States look bad. We do that well enough on our own without needing a Japanese person seemingly go out of their way to bring up random issues with America seemingly because you get some kind of pleasure out of doing so and for no other reason relevant to this girl’s blog. Your other post talking about the internment camps of Japanese living in America, while wrong, was a direct reaction to the attack on Pearl Harbor, only took place to Japanese along the Western coast because we had a very large number of military bases, companies making things like aircraft and ships for the war located there, and if the United States was going to win the war Japan just forced them to enter through their attack on Pearl Harbor, those places had to not be endangered by sabotage.
These complaints, while valid, and which Americans clearly recognize as wrong and did do some things towards trying to make wrongs of the past right, such as through payments of $20,000 to those placed at those camps, are really hard to listen to when they come about for no reason other than to try and say bad things about America and therefore make me want to make sure you’re very clearly aware of Japan’s unique role in torturing, enslaving, and murdering millions across China, Indonesia, Taiwan, and within Japan itself with the forced labor and imprisonment of foreign citizens and soldiers brought there from all over Asia and the Pacific. There are estimates of up to 1.5 million Indonesians killed under forced labor by the Japanese during this time. There’s also things like the experimental medical ‘tests’ that were done by Unit 731 to test chemical and biological weapons on human test subjects. It’s probably best if you avoid complaints about any other nations actions during a war when nobody was even talking about such things to begin with when your own country has a truly horrific record of action that’s only comparable to some of the worst examples of similar acts of widescale torture and death across all of history.
Yumiko says
One last thing I again said I have family in America at least 3 generations I have had relatives who were put in the concentration camps during WWII but even then some fought for the same country who stripped them of their rights, assets and dignity purely cause of their ethnicity or as you yanks call it RACE to prove their loyalty.
The 442nd is still the most highly decorated unit in US military history YET hardly any one knows or acknowledges this. No wonder the Nihonjin population gets smaller and smaller each year even to this day many of my family there sometimes don’t feel like their Americans. Again same as you people felt when living here in Nihon.
Reality says
Very recently, I was very disappointed to Japan.
Mainly there are two reasons.
First of all, it is so pathetic that Japanese government compels athletes to participate in the Olympics even though Japan is endangered in pandamic.
Currently IOC insists “no cancellation of the Olympics in Tokyo” and will go on.
There is high probability that Japan bribed to IOC board members which make them forcibly go on hosting the Olympics.
Second of all, Japaneses governemt compels athletes to consume sea foods, vegetables, etc… from Fukushima. As you must realize, Fukushima was heavily polluted from radioactive wastes all over.
There are some people in Japan got sick after consuming foods from Fukushima. Since tsumani swept Fukushima in 2011, there are polluted water reseved in tanks. And many foods are left over because Japanese consumers try not to eat foods from Fukushima. But Japanese government compels our athletes to consume foods left over from Fukushima. They are trying to take advantage from us. It is very immoral and selfish.
Mike says
Yes Yumiko made some valid points that I agree with, however there was a concentrated effort by the Japanese to commit espionage against the U.S. during WW2. There was a book written about it, “Magic” that refutes some of the apologist narratives that Japan was a benign actor in that regard None of us were alive then, but we should be thankful for the efforts of those who defeated fascism in order for us to enjoy freedom
Nino says
I read all of it. I am not your mom.
Silvia says
Haha thanks!
PR says
Japan needs to adopt a second language English being the obvious choice but any language would give them a more healthy perspective of the outside world As it is now it is Us vs Them mentality that influence s everything they do Is to the point of being absurd Their obsession with foriegn things is like a symptom of some sickness They study it but never accept it
cornelius.shrek says
hi! that’s such a shame you had a bad experience. I would love to visit Japan just for the cars. I am obsessed with the Nissan GTR and would love to see the drift cars that are out there. I am based in the UK so those types of cars are not as common. I go to http://www.japperformanceparts.co.uk to see the cars but can’t wait to go and see the ones in Japan. Would love to go to Tokyo.
Blake says
I have heard it said repeatedly that foreigners can just NEVER be truly accepted in Japan, and your story here and some of the other comments further cement this. It sounds like you’ve basically learned this, and that it would have been easier if you were fully aware of this truth prior to your time there.
It also seems like the Tsunami had a really big impact on your emotional state for some time while there, which I am sure can really warp your overall perception of your time there.
You’re certainly not the first person I’ve heard express to others why Japan isn’t such an amazing place to try and settle as a foreigner, but it was mostly because of the outsider status you can never seem to get past no matter how hard you try or how perfect your Japanese becomes, as well as multiple instances – including in another comment here – of people growing supremely frustrated with nobody just being direct about anything and speaking their mind. The thing is, not being direct isn’t just frustrating when trying to figure something out or solve a problem that comes up, but it also makes those people feel very fake and full of shit to anyone not raised in a culture that is just like that at all times.
Jess says
Kia ora Silvia,
This was really interesting as you got my dream placement (I love those islands) and I am applying for JET at the moment.
I’ve lived in Japan before, though only in the cities. And I agree both that you can make great Japanese friends and also that it is very difficult/ perhaps impossible to be widely accepted as “a full person like us” in Japan. However I think this is true in the West as well. For example my friend Emma’s great grandparents moved to New Zealand from China and so she is a fourth generation New Zealander. I am the first in my family born in NZ but my parents are mainly of European descent. Essentially I look and am pretty white. People never question my status as a New Zealander, but Emma gets asked where she is from and told her English is so good. I value my experience of being othered in Japan as I think it has made the otherness I see here more visible to me where previously my privilege would have disguised it.
As I came to understand my position as a gaijin in Japan I think my attitude was that this was something I could accept in the short-term but would not want to live with for my whole life. I value being part of a community and it didn’t feel entirely possible. However I’m willing to give it a go again and I really value the friendships I made in Japan. As I’m older now I also have a stronger sense of self and value the approval of strangers less.
But your story has also made me unsure about where to put as my preferred choices (I know that preferred choices definitely don’t guarantee placement). I do love those islands but I think I would struggle in an ultra-conservative environment. But you never know…
monkeyscimmia says
You are extreme ugly as white woman and tbh you are uglier than asians so yeah you won’t get any white privilege in Japan. You must be so comfortable to be surrounded by white people in Norway anyway
Anonymous says
I found the post by accident. I’ve lived and worked in Japan for eleven years now. And it’s been a challenging time for me. I’ve stayed for the sake of family: Japanese spouse and two children.
In my case, I taught at two universities in Honshu and Shikoku. I tolerated low-status treatment, secretiveness, and behind-the-back insults. Some Japanese colleagues (there were rival groups) told me the hidden talk.
My two full-time jobs came on a fluke. One wanted a person outside Japan. (Not many applied.) The other had a resignation after one semester. (A colleague’s wife’s friend was an internal contact.)
Despite experience in Japan, I’m always rejected for full-time jobs. For example, I applied to five universities every semester over five years. All zero. My most recent attempt was ten in a row. Again, zero.
The overt difference with myself and my more successful foreign colleagues is that I’m a mixed-race person. (Some Japanese have asked if I was African, Bangladeshi, or Jewish.) My skin color is yellow.
In Shikoku, some locals stared, mumbled, or laughed at my face or curly hair. A few people (young and old adults) took photos without asking. Yet that’s a big no-no taught at grade schools here.
Ignoring is another problem. I’ve also dealt with a death threat highlighting my foreignness (Honshu) and shouting and denial of service upon sight at an international money transfer service (Shikoku).
I came to Japan knowing it wasn’t a utopia. But I didn’t expect the distance, exclusion, and insularity I encountered. For me personally, they’re the toughest part of living in Japan.
Angeles says
Im sorry you had to endure such treatment due to your look but its par the course for Japan. Watashi 100% whitie but too old, so lots of “hey! when can you start work?” fun times end with “moshiwake arimasen”
No reason given
Discrimination and exclusion….just part of the experience in Japan.
Age
Gender
Nationality
Race
Look
Time spent abroad
Time spent unemployed
Time spent job jumping
etc
Even if you do get the job, probably will become an exercise in misery
But, there is hope! There is always a new, fresh, (usually white) young gaijin, who loves Japan and its culture, who becomes a celebrity.
Over time, they fade, interest wane, then another takes their place.
Interesting pattern to observe!
Gambatte Kudasai!!
KrO says
I am going to make quite a controversial point, but I think deep down most know it’s true. The expats in Asia who remain long-term are overwhelmingly men, and there is one major reason why most of them stay: the women.
Joel says
Depends on the context of your premise. Married or single? If married, then yes, you become a kind of property or its understood you must stay, in some cases. I would not say this is a preferred situation. Single its a different story.
Tom says
I was walking to a shopping center and got lost, so I approached an ojisan and asked directions, in English. He was very enthusiastic to talk to me, but then he asked are u a traveler?” I said , no, I live not far from here. His mood changed and he said “oh, its over there” like he had no more use for me now get away, gomi gajin! I had to walk off this crappy feeling Its like such a superficial opinion of foriegners, thanks for letting me share
Chris says
The photographs are amazing!
Melania says
Thanks a lot. I am struggling to be happy in Japan. I also feel depressed and unable to be myself… The kind of social problems and observations you mentioned are something I am also living plus… Japanese women being generally mean with me due to their own insecurities even when I try hard to be gentle and useful for everyone here. I feel I am becoming a different person just to fit in and make people comfortable around me but even with all my efforts I am not fitting in …. So I am not myself, I don’t like the complacent person I have became and I am not getting nothing from the change.
Reading this post made me feel understood… Like if I was not the only one so I might be not such a failure haha
You are helping me to make the decision of being myself… Recover my smile, my spontaneous and empathetic personality and try in my own way. So thanks a lot from my heart.
Jack says
Yes it’s important to be understood because that is absent in Japan
Mick Kendall says
Hi, I am Mick, English but have lived in Australia for 45 Years. Married a Japanese lady from Hokkaido who really wanted a child. Well, we had one and when he was 5 Months old my wife wanted us to go home so her family could give their love(and wealth) to him.. His grannie bought him a house in a place called Ainoni near Kitami. We lived there for nearly 5 years and funnily enough I got a job teaching English to a bunch of “pre school” kids. What fun. Non of the parents, children or my boss could communicate with me. I did not get paid so it didn’t matter.
But I love Japan, as soon as I walked into a supermarket or convenience store I would have someone by my side. Just pointing at things and showing me a version of a shopping list in Japanese. Great.
Anyway, we are back home in a place called Bunbury – my son is now 15 and attends a private school -BCGS. He has so many friends who love the idea he is half Japanese, in fact he met his best friend on a skying holiday in Sapporo. We were all together!
At the end of the day I am home cooking my horrible dinners whilst my wife and son are holidaying back home in Hokkaido. I miss them so much.
Thanks all
Mick
Arri says
Yes japan can be a bewildering experience. There is the law, then there is the situation. The law may be applied according to the law, or it just might be applied according to the situation, and that situation being that if your a foreigner who has been victimized by a Japanese.
If a Japanese commits a crime against you, well! it depends on the situation. Maybe he/she didnt know or they were just having a bad day. By default, your the criminal…because your a foreigner…lol. Perhaps thats too extreme..(or is it?) but this is what I have found out.