Some of you guys have shrewdly observed that I’m now traveling with a boy. What?!
I know, it’s a change.
Now I no longer have to ask strangers to help me lift my bag into absurdly high luggage compartments, I have access to an iPod with good music (his, not mine), and not once has a strange man interrupted my travel bliss with a lewd offer to “show me around.”
Plus it’s pretty great traveling with someone with such a high tolerance for my annoying antics.
But the best part about traveling with a boy? This time around my travel plans weren’t met with the shock and concern that they so often were when I was traveling alone.
And by best I mean worst, because, seriously? Last year I felt like I had been hurled back centuries through time when people kept reacting to my plans to backpack through Iran with horror, telling me that I couldn’t possibly travel there alone as a woman.
If you haven’t read through my Iran archives here’s a spoiler: I didn’t get kidnapped and I didn’t get raped. In fact, I’m tempted to say that traveling through Iran is actually easier as a woman, because it seemed like every girl and her grandmother considered it their personal responsibility to look after me. Yes it was annoying having to separate from men on public transportation, but I’m going to let you in on a secret: the women’s section is so much more fun!
I love traveling with Dan, but when I was traveling with Danielle we had loads of adventures that I don’t think I could have with a guy. Like that time we hitchhiked with the Tajik mafia on the Pamir Highway, or when we “innocently” wandered through Europe’s marijuana growing capital and were treated to lunch and drinks by local harvesters. And then there was that time we used lipstick and casual chitchat to help us sneak across the Kazakh border when we had forgotten to register our visas.
Being a girl doesn’t suck.
On the border between Afghanistan and Tajikistan
Recently at a hostel in Malaysia people in my dorm were talking about where they had been traveling and I launched into my usual (super obnoxious, I’m sorry) rant about how Central Asia is the best place in the world to backpack and everyone should go there now. One of the girls responded that she was surprised that I had been to the Stans, because I seem like “such a girl.”
Um, yes. But also, what does that even mean?
My travel essentials include nail polish and lipstick, my iPod is pink, and right now I’m backpacking with four skirts and only one pair of jeans. Sometimes when I walk my arms float around me like I’m dancing (I blame all the ballet lessons), and books, cartoons, pretty places, winding roads, Taylor Swift songs, stern Russian women, and onions have all been known to turn me into a weepy mess. So if that’s what Sara meant by saying I’m “such a girl” then yes, I’m such a girl.
But I’m not sure I know what that has to do with my travels in Central Asia.
At least I wish I didn’t. The truth is, I’m all too familiar with the connection.
While traveling through the Stans, Sasha, Danielle and I were often greeted with raised eyebrows from fellow backpackers.
The backpacker scene in Central Asia is mostly male (or at least it was when I was there in 2013) and when we did meet other female travelers they were almost always there with their boyfriends. So I imagine Danielle, Sasha, and I did make for an unexpected sight when we’d arrive at a hostel with our lopsided backpacks overstuffed with super serious backpacking essentials like dresses and gummy candy.
Usually other backpackers would just look a little amused, but sometimes they seemed downright offended by our lack of seriousness.
Glancing at our flimsy flip-flops in disgust Serious Backpacker would be all, “Wait, you’ve been in Kyrgyzstan for three weeks and you still haven’t gone hiking?!”
Funny, because I was feeling the same sort of dismay at your never having tried the local qurt balls.
Maybe I’d understand their attitude if we weren’t making any attempts to explore the country, but while Serious Backpacker was staying solely at hostels and going on solitary hikes, we were doing mostly home stays and skipping the popular tourist activities to instead hang out with locals. I mean, had Serious Backpacker even bothered learning any Russian for this trip?
With our host family in Sary-Tash, Kyrgyzstan
Really, getting to know a local culture is a far better way of traveling than talking only to other tourists at hostels and spending time alone in the wilderness.
That’s total nonsense, of course. Frankly it’s none of my business how someone else chooses to travel. There’s no “right” way to travel.
You don’t have to run everyday and be able to lift 200 kg to travel through Kyrgyzstan, you don’t have to love partying and look awesome in a bikini to travel through Thailand, and you don’t have to be a vegetarian obsessed with yoga to travel through India.
I do try to encourage people to get off the beaten track and visit less touristy countries, but if seeing Paris is your dream, then forget Armenia, by all means go to France! And if you don’t really want to visit the Louvre and Eiffel Tower but instead would rather spend all your time in an adorable cafe gorging on pastries, well, bon appétit!
Happy International Women’s Day!
I love how big of a deal Women’s Day is in Russia – most of the women I’ve seen today are walking around with bouquets of flowers. I’m still waiting for my flowers, but I’m sure I’ll get them eventually.
When I buy them for myself because I’m an independent woman like that, duh!
PIN IT!
Visiting Senja, Norway: The Local Island Favorite
Christina Guan says
Love this post! Your take on female solo travel is so refreshing. 🙂 Happy International Women’s Day!
Silvia says
Thanks, Christina, glad you enjoyed it!
Charlie says
Excellent piece of writing, very much enjoyed reading this one! And absolutely love your bit about how winding roads, onions etc turn you into a weeping mess haha! I think it’s awesome also to have plenty of different travel experiences, including with different travel companions. Go you, and have an awesome time with Dan 😀
Silvia says
It’s amazing how different traveling with different people can be, or traveling on your own! It’s been fun seeing what it’s like to travel with a guy 🙂
Sam says
Absolutely, there’s no right way to travel! Do what you like, how you like and as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, go for it! Of course, this applies to everyone, girls and non-girls alike. I love the reclamation of “like a girl” happening at the moment, because, frankly misogyny is lame and people need to get over it. Girl power!
Silvia says
Well put! I don’t understand when travelers get competitive or preachy, as if backpacking is a game with rules or something. So silly.
Jenia says
Happy Women’s Day! It’s one of my favorite holidays of all time. Tulips for me today 🙂
Silvia says
Tulips! Glad to hear you enjoyed the holiday 🙂
Sally says
I love this post. I too travel like a girl. My laptop case is pink, so are my sun glasses! Meh who cares, if us travellers were all the same then travelling would be boring!
Happy International Woman’s day!
Silvia says
I’m glad to hear that you’re matching your laptop case to your sunglasses – very important, haha 🙂
Rachel says
Bunches of flowers! Wow, that’s so awesome. Oh Russia!
I love this post, very inspiring. I can’t wait to visit Iran and I dream of Central Asia: so much world, so little time! Think I’ll be spending the rest of the afternoon reading your blog 🙂
Happy International Women’s Day!
Silvia says
There really is so much to see! Sometimes I get panicky about not having been to South America yet, and then I realize that I’m 26, haha.
Rachel says
Oh you lucky young thing! I’m older than that, boo 🙁 I’ve never been to South America either!
Martina says
<3
jameela deen says
Although I haven’t left many comments i’m following your blog and always eagerly open your newsletter. Your blog is so fresh and you seem to have a very healthy travel philosophy. You go girl! And keep bringing us stories of far away lands and places no many people travel to. By the way i’m reading you from Saudi Arabia now… how’s that for a misunderstood destination? Have you been yet?
Silvia says
Wow, that’s pretty amazing, Jameela! I haven’t been to Saudi Arabia yet but I would loooove to go! I met a guy in Israel who snuck across the border in the trunk of a car – I probably won’t be doing that, haha.
Naomi says
Word, I was busting out my diva clicks, nodding along and everything reading along to this, because this mirrors a lot of how I feel about travelling as a girl too. And it’s so funny the assumptions made by the way you travel solely on the way you act, especially if you act ‘girly’. Don’t underestimate the girlyness that’s all I’ll say!
Silvia says
Yessss happy to hear I’m not the only one!
Amir says
Happy your day and every day !
Silvia says
Thanks, Amir!
Jo-Anne says
Oh what adventures you have had, I have only recently started to take oversea holidays with Tim of course I can’t imagine going somewhere without him, ie: on my own………..
Silvia says
That’s funny, because I couldn’t imagine traveling with a partner – but it’s been great!
Justine says
Wait, what? It was International Women’s Day? I didn’t get the memo! But it’s really awesome that it’s such a big deal in Russia. I definitely didn’t see any women walking around with flowers in Jakarta…including myself!
Silvia says
It was kind of crazy what a big deal Women’s Day is in Russia – already on Friday I was seeing tons of women walking around with flowers and gifts. It’s funny how different countries celebrate it. Like how in Japan and Russia women get flowers and chocolates, and in the US we talk about women’s rights and female empowerment, haha.
Sarah Marris-Swann says
Hi Silvia! So happy to have found your blog through Hippie in Heels. It’s always nice to know that I’ve not been alone in being told “don’t go there, you’ll get raped!” and that there are other women/girls out there defying people’s expectations and changing what it means to travel like a girl! Your travels and adventures sound amazing. Keep on keeping on!
Silvia says
Thanks, Sarah, I’m glad you made your way over here!
Megan says
yep, this is all me. my packing essentials are various shades of lipstick and nail polish. and a hello kitty notebook.
Silvia says
Haha my notebook is bright pink.
Rebekah says
I love that you travel like a girl. I’m like the opposite because I’m SO lazy that I have like nothing in my pack but my running shoes in case I get the chance to go running. Its not that I’m serious, I’m just way to lazy to make my pack heavier. I hate judgey people in hostels. I always order western food in Chinese hostels because its usually my chance to actually have a burger or a salad and I have no patience for people who’ve been in the country 10 minutes telling me that I should be eating noodles. People should travel their own trips.
Silvia says
I definitely get you on the lazy part – I haven’t exercised at all since leaving Thailand (I like to pretend carrying my heavy backpack around is exercise enough, haha). And yeah, I always get embarrassed when I eat Western food around other travelers, but then I remind myself that after so many years in Asia, Western food is actually more of a change! lol
Kelly says
YES–your words are so spot on. I honestly feel like this “female dilemma” translates into every area of life. Yes, I love heels, earrings, lipstick, and chocolate, but you better believe I can navigate my way through a new city (or country), give a killer presentation at work, and hold my own when drinking with the guys (okay…maybe that last one is a lie). Really loving this post!
Silvia says
Yes!! One of the things I loved about working in Japan was that I could totally outdrink most of my male coworkers (because they were about half my size, haha).
jennifer says
When I went to Mount Everest, a Tibetan woman who’s yak hair tent we slept in (is this sentence even real?) called a girl in our group a princess. Her response was to break into laughter and gesture “NO”. There is definitely a stigma with appearing girly when traveling. I don’t know why that is.
I am like Rebekah above, I don’t deal with girly stuff because LAZY. But yeah, it is a breath of fresh air reading a blogger telling someone to go to France if they want to. There is far too many people telling others where to go and what to do and that they did not experience a place because they did this instead of that. MY trip, MY decision on what to do.
Silvia says
I guess people get so passionate about their travels that they want others to do the exact same things as them? I don’t know, but it really is crazy to me when people get bossy about how to travel. Like you said, MY trip, MY decision!
Grace | The Beauty of Everywhere says
This is such a great post! Absolutely love your attitude to travel. I was saying to a couple of female friends recently how sad it is that we feel the need to tone down the girl-ness when travelling. You can still climb mountains, go kayaking and backpack solo into the unknown with a bit of lipstick on!
Silvia says
I definitely used to try to tone down my girly-ness, until I traveled with a friend who always wears makeup and realized that, oh wait, there’s no rule saying no makeup while backpacking, haha.
Victoria@ The British Berliner says
Love it! You’ve been to some amazing places and you should be proud. 🙂 There’s nothing wrong with travelling with a boy from time to time. In fact, it’s quite fun. You go girl!
Silvia says
It is fun traveling with a boy!
Amanda says
Love love LOVE this. It’s crazy how people tend to stereotype women no matter where you go in the world – and it definitely extends to us traveling ladies, too! You keep doin’ your thang, girl – I love reading your stories!
Silvia says
It is crazy how people love to stereotype, and crazier still when women are doing it to other women. It’s would just be so much easier to be supportive, or at least withhold judgements!
CL (RealGunners) says
It’s strange to read about a girl confessing that she travels like a girl. Like, how is that even a confession?
I absolutely agree that there’s no “right” way to travel. As long as you’re traveling, then you’re a traveler!
Silvia says
Right?! It shouldn’t be a confession, but there are so many female travelers who seem to shun being too girly. So silly!
Miquel says
I LOVE THIS! I feeling like belting out a Beyoncé song after reading this, but I may or may not currently be at work. You go girl!
Silvia says
I would LOVE if this provoked a work time Beyoncé performance!
Isabel says
I absolutely loved reading this post! I love your sense of humour, and your refreshing perspective. I was just wondering, how did you find host families to stay with? Did you organise it prior or did you meet people there?
Thanks! 🙂
Silvia says
Usually I would just turn up in a town and wander around asking people where I could stay – in Central Asia often towns don’t have guest houses, so people would just point me in the direction of a home stay.
Lucy says
This is probably one of the most refreshing blogs I’ve read in ages.
I feel like people get so drawn into competing when travelling. “Oh, you travelled Europe but you didn’t go to Albania? Pfff, what sort of traveller are you?”
I’m totally all about travelling in your own style – and you’ve summed this up perfectly. Travelling with nail polish and listening to Taylor Swift? My kinda girl! xxxxx
Silvia says
Ahhh a kindred spirit! It’s nice to hear that so many other people are sick of competitiveness with traveling too – it’s so senseless!
becky hutner says
well bon appetit indeed! you just keep doing your thing, silvia. funny how we humans have to have opinions on EVERYTHING down to how others should be spending their leisure time. (or is real travel is even leisure at all?! perhaps serious backpacker thinks not.)
Silvia says
Travel as leisure, whaaat?! Haha serious backpacker would definitely disagree.
Katie Featherstone says
Great post! Thank-you! Girls (and boys!) can travel however the like as long as you are being culturally sensitive and enjoying themselves. I’m really glad you’ve travelled through some of those countries yourself- I use blogs like yours to reassure my family whenever I want to go somewhere a little ‘dodgy’. “Such a girl” is a worrying statement really- is it supposed to be an insult or compliment?!
Silvia says
Yeah, I really wasn’t sure how to take being called “such a girl” but… decided to embrace it? I guess she just meant that I wasn’t the stereotypical backpacker, ha.
Laura @ Bottled Air says
“Wait, you’ve been in Kyrgyzstan for three weeks and you still haven’t gone hiking?!” How could you?! Haha. Sometimes I thin we ust generay suc at traveing, because we constanty miss famous tourist attractions because we chose to ust hang out with ocas instead.
Ha and 2 years ago (I was cycling from Thailand to China at the time) this group of travelers in Cambodia sort of ignored me because I was wearing a pink dress, apparently they thought I was on a gap year (???) and wasn’t cool enough for them or something. When they realized that I was actually doing something ‘cool’ they all came to talk to me which was sooo awkward! I don’t like how some travellers can be so arrogant and judgmental – why can’t everyone just travel the way they want?!
Silvia says
Hahaha duh Laura, pink dresses are only appropriate for gap year students, didn’t you know? That’s hilarious, and ridiculous (obviously).
Annika says
I was about to feel quite ‘offended’ when I read the title of this post. Oh no, are we still not over this cliche of doing something ‘like a girl’, I thought. But I absolutely loved your sentiment. I myself have written about the concept of what it means to travel as a girl in this world and that there are so many advantages to it, why would we only look at some shortcomings? As well as the concept of there is no right or wrong way to travel (at least when you travel respectfully and sustainable I think) – especially if you get into the age old debate of tourist versus traveler, it always seem to be the travelers – or in your case the hardcore backpackers – that are a lot less tolerant than the tourist who enjoy the Eiffel Tower.
Thanks for sharing this – I congratulate you about the balls you have and ate 😉
Silvia says
I’m glad you read past the title! And to hear someone else sharing my feelings about this whole “like a girl business,” ahh. Laughed out loud at the balls comment, haha.
Michelle says
Love you’re point “I’m such a girl”! I often get this reaction as well and don’t apologize for shocking people that “such a girl” is traveling throughout Latin America. Good for you and keep rocking it girl.
Silvia says
Love hearing of other girly girls shocking people with their traveling ways, haha.
Melissa says
Hi Silvia, thanks for writing this article. Yes, I agree so much with what you mentioned in the article. My absolute favorite paragraph that resonates with me the most is this:
“You don’t have to run everyday and be able to lift 200 kg to travel through Kyrgyzstan, you don’t have to love partying and look awesome in a bikini to travel through Thailand, and you don’t have to be a vegetarian obsessed with yoga to travel through India.”
That is just so beautifully written. I love it soo much.
Mo says
LOL! I travel like such a girl and would rather go to food and flower markets than tourist destinations (though I’m currently really lusting to go to Rijksmuseum on my upcoming trip to Amsterdam, alas, my travelling companion isn’t). I also take care to dress and behave with cultural sensitivity, hence beeing the only westerner not kicked out of the temple in Phnom Penh during the preparations for the king’s funeral.
Melissa says
I travel like a girl too!!
Well, actually no I don’t. I travel like myself.
Those “serious” backpackers are one of the very few aspects of staying in hostels that I hate.
For me, just being in a country is already a big part of the experience. I am generally delighted with myself when I make it into a country I have never been to before and had to work up the courage to visit. All the stuff I do there are add ons in my mind. I like to just pick and choose as I notice what interests me.
Sometimes those “serious” backpackers want to point out that I am not taking a systematic approach and could do my trip more efficiently if I did and sometimes they even go on to detail their own “superior” trip.
Seems to me like their way is a good way to get a bad case of travel burn out, not what I want and that is for sure. Rushing through the experiences would ruin travel for me.
Ewa says
I love your approach to travel and life <3